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Arts and Entertainment

I'm Thankful: Farley Elliott

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I'm thankful this picture of me wording up some bitches in the pool exists, even if the quality sucks.

There’s so much to be thankful for this year, as I celebrate my first anniversary of being in Los Angeles. I’m thankful my house got robbed. Now my Luddite existence enables me to understand the joys of pen and paper, and what it means to have to get your porn from a liquor store and not a website.

I’m thankful that I was able to bulk up from a sickly 200 lbs. to a more manageable 450, after spending five nights a week here.

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I’m thankful that I’m not the only one who calls Pasadena ‘The Dirty ‘Dena’, and that there are pictures of the things you’ll find in the Dirty ‘Dena that totally back me up.

My 10 hour work days make me eternally thankful for Girl Talk. The gun industry is not thankful for Girl Talk, because if Girl Talk did not exist I would have purchased a gun and mercy killed the girl who sits next to me at work and won't stop talking about Twilight.

Sometimes, though, Girl Talk is not enough, which is why I'm thankful any time I get to ride The Laser Beam.

I'm thankful for the cultural scene that Los Angeles has given me. And with my low-level office job, shows at the Nokia Theater are now only 80% too expensive! Instead, I get to resort to the rhyming tactics of a man dressed as pastry. Seriously click that link. Don't say I don't give anything back to the community.

I'm thankful my Mario in the Tanuki Suit from Super Mario Brothers 3 costume for Halloween was able to defeat Pikachu without me cracking so much as a smile. However, we were both losers in the battle of 'who spent too much time on their costumes and still lost the office pool to that one girl who sorta looked like Sarah Palin'. Fuck.

I'm thankful for the UCB Theatre, and you should be too. If you aren't I hope you choke on the wishbone.

I'm thankful you read through this whole thing.