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Hey Pig. Yeah You.

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Among the big changes at Dodger Stadium during the off-season was the conversion of the right field pavilion into a $35 all-you-can-eat bonanza loving termed the Pigvilion. The acids in my GI tract started churning just at the thought of it. I vowed never to sit there.

Oh but I did Monday night.

A friend convinced me and eight others to buy tickets so we too could bask in the luxury of stuffing ourselves full of hot dogs and nachos. I decided why not. It would be an experience.

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I got to the game late because I had to pick up my keys to my new apartment and plug in my stove and fridge. I finally made it through the gates during the second inning. I got myself situated and decided to brave the lines at the top of the third inning while the Diamondbacks were batting.

So I waited in line. And waited. And waited. The lines were very chaotic and people were cutting in front of me left and right.

Being very impatient, I just left the line in frustration knowing that I just wasted $35 on what are really $7 seats.

Fortunately there was a man sitting to the left of us who was quite funny. He kept on heckling both Andre Ethier and Carlos Quentin. He also successfully started the wave all around the stadium. His being there made me more at ease of the absolute hubris of buying this ticket.

By the eighth inning, I was the only person starving in the Pigvilion. A friend did give me a hotdog to eat, but I was still famished. I wanted to stay to see if the Dodgers could come back from a 9-1 deficit. Then the icing on the cake.

A drunken asshole falls down the aisle his skull landing squarely on my shoulder. It rattled every bone in my shoulder and head. I actually felt a couple of teeth jiggle. He actually apologized which prevented me from punching him right in the face. But I just had it.

I was starving and now my shoulder and jaw were aching. I made an executive decision and left the game.

I've sat in the pavilion before and had enjoyable experiences. The drunken asshole was an isolated incident. I'm just writing that off to bad luck.

But the food situation: yikes. I realize I'm spoiled. I either eat before the game or bring food to the stadium so I don't have to wait in lines. What irritates me about these seats is that I feel obligated to wait in line. For that reason alone I will never EVER sit in the Pigvilions again.

By the way, we lost the game 9-1 in a very unspectacular fashion. Despite paying close attention to the game, I don't remember a thing about it. How about Dem Bums?

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AP Photo by Doug Mills

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