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Dee Dee Pujols Was Mad at God

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The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of California’s newest slugger Albert Pujols’ wife Deidre is completely batshit.

Dee Dee told a St. Louis christian radio station that she was angry at God after some Cardinals’ fans unleashed their anger. “The reason I say I was angry with the Lord is because I felt like when we were at our weakest - both the Cardinals and our family - making this decision, and it just couldn't get finished and done, I was like, 'this is when God is going to step in.' And it didn't happen. And then when the news broke on Thursday morning after we had made our decision, I don't think we anticipated the tsunami that came our way.”

I might be mistaken, but did anyone see a public burning of an effigy? It’s natural for Cardinals’ fans to be disappointed, but was there any violence like there was in Cleveland last summer in response to LeBron James?

And just to put the cherry on top she also said, “God put us on a team called the Angels.”

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I suppose there is no reason to believe that the Pujolses opted for the better contract. No. It was God that dropped Prince Albert like a seagull’s digested lunch into that parking lot at Angel Stadium.

But you know, maybe these boutique christians have a good thing going. The next time I decide to beat someone into a coma because they are wearing white after Labor Day, I’ll just say that it was God’s will. When I repeatedly ram my car into the BMW that just cut me off on the freeway during bumper-to-bumper traffic, God made me do it.

By the way the Pujolseses contributed a donation that allowed the radio station that Dee Dee talked to purchase the signal in July 2010. The host even reassured Dee Dee that the radio station was free of reporters and a safe place for her. That just shows how much Dee Dee knows: the Pujolseseses shouldn’t have any problems in Southern California especially after someone at The Los Angeles Times let Bill Plaschke loose with the paper bag and rubber cement.

I only have two words for all of this: Hail Satan.