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With the Dodgers playing a rather boring series at the Washington Nationals, it’s time to take care of some housecleaning.

All Star Voting

Yesterday, Major League Baseball released the preliminary results of the first period of fan voting for the All Star Game. The fan votes will determine which position players start the game. According to the results, My Boyfriend is running a distant fourth to the fiery whoring gambler Paul Lo Duca (former Dodger and current New York Met), a far inferior Brian McCann of the Atlanta Braves and a nondescript Johnny Estrada from the Brewers.

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Make sure to vote for My Boyfriend. If he ends up not starting I will unleash my fury upon the masses here in Los Angeles that will cause even more gridlock on the freeways, the complete disappearance of all bike lanes and a plague of biblical proportions not seen since the time of Moses.

All kidding aside, here is my helpful unbiased guide to whom I think should be starting the game for the National League:

1B – Prince Fielder, Milwaukee Brewers
2B – Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies
SS – Jose Reyes, New York Mets
3B – Miguel Cabrera, Florida Marlins
C – Russell Martin, Los Angeles Dodgers
OF – Moises Alou, New York Mets
OF – Carlos Lee, Houston Astros
OF – Matt Holliday, Colorado Rockies.

As for the American League, screw them. I find it sad they still use that crutch, the designated hitter.

Best Name

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Baseball players tend to have interesting names. Coco Crisp, Boo Moore, Boof Bonser, Dick Pole, Rusty Kuntz and Wonderful Terrific Monds, III are all pretty interesting, but one current Cubs player had me laughing for a while on Friday night. Angel Pagan. Talk about an exercise in irony.

Useless No More?

Could it be that Useless is actually Useful? In Tuesday’s 10-0 rout over the Nationals, he went 4-5 with a triple and three doubles. It’s the first time in his career he’s hit four extra-base hits. Color me amazed for now, but that moniker will not go away until he can prove to be useful on a consistent basis.

Speaking of feats DUI has hit safely in 14 consecutive games, the current longest streak in the National League. And just think that two weeks ago he was hitting under .200.

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Schmidtty Update

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Jason Schmidt, AKA San Francisco trash the Dodgers threw $36 million at, is starting a rehab assignment pitching in Class A. While it’s nice the Dodgers are trying to make sure all of their money doesn’t go to waste, I could frankly care less. The Dodgers have shown they have enough good pitching to make up for this complete waste of money. While having him back at full health would be nice, I’m not going to hold my breath.

Trade Rumors

The latest name to come up to help the Dodger’s power need: Texas Rangers’ first baseman Mark Teixeira. He’s hitting .309 with nine homers with an on base plus slugging percentage of .923. I don’t think this is going to happen, but it’s nice to fantasize about having a power hitter.

AP Photo by Haraz N. Ghanbari