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We here in the Ist-A-Verse know that we're sensational, but it's very rare that we get a chance to be sensationalistic. This week, we've decided to have ourselves a little fun and try our hand at tacky tabloid headlines, using nothing more than our favorite posts from this week.

Torontoist Special Report: Rosie to Trump: "Fire 300 Bicyclists for Fraud!"

On DCist: Students Go Wild for Slogans, Secrets and Sexual Harassment

The action was thick and heavy at SFist: Mayor Discovers Public Transportation Not Very Good! War on Paper Bags and Food Critics Who Attack Food Bloggers! Town Hall Meeting With Mayor Turns Raucous When Chickens Attack!

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Seattlest mentions McCain's momentous MySpace same-sex marriage announcement, mumbles that their monstrosity of a library might be a Monet, and muses on the possibility of a drunken pitcher on the mound of last year's All-Star matchup. Meanwhile, members of their lit group meet the author, a local musician questions the merits of the Pitchfork Effect and a man makes moves to get a MacBook Pro in the mitts of local radio.

Scandal galore on Houstonist this week: Killer Barbecues Ex-Girlfriend's Remains! Senator Offers Women Cash for Their Babies! Man Fakes Kidnapping To Slip Ball and Chain! Antique sofa miraculously preserved! Hard-Working City Bloggers Get Screaming Drunk!

This just in from Londonist: Rutting Royal VS. Rocking Racer: Ready to Rumble!!!

Overheard outside the trash bin Chicagoist collects its news from: Obama's Gay Gaffe Slightly Less Upsetting Than "The Man" Saturating a Hipster 'Hood and Staining Their Lily White Belts. Breaking! Spire to the Sky or Fusilli Jerry? And, Marvel at the Transit System That Doesn't Actually Transit!

Shanghaiist exclaims: Kenny G! Ziggy Marley! Sonic Youth! Giant Chinese Dragon! Crazy Sex Scandal Involving Shanghai Toys and Chairman Mao condoms! Yowza!

Breaking news on Phillyist! Flyers and Phillies Flock to Decorated Dormitories: Decency Dies, Defecates

Austinist crushes over cool "kustoms" while a crazy chick (who couldn't kick the chronic) creeps away in a cop's car. Meanwhile, the city reached a copasetic conclusion to a college controversy just as the climate turned calamitous.

Bostonist (who helped inspire the guidelines for this post) features: Out-Of-This-World Athletes and Angels, While Governor Derides Droopy Drawers

Next up on LAist: Man(cia) Bites (Veggie) (Dodger) Dog; Echo Park Film at 11, Music by Datarock

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Extra, extra, hey look at Gothamist's headlines: Brooklyn Artist Cocoas Christ! Supermarket's Super Opening Party! Wal-Mart's CEO to NYC: Drop Dead! Neighbors want San Gennaro fest To Sleep With the Fishes! Splasher Tired, but Brusher Is Wired! Pachyderms Back in Big Apple!

Compiled and edited by Jillian Ashley Blair Ivey.

Collage by Londonist Editor Mike Atherton.

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