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Best Non-News News Item of the Day: Junk Email is Bad! Junk Email Spreads Viruses!

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Once again, the Daily News has saved us all from despair, anguish, and strife by providing Angelenos with vital news about our city. From the folks who brought you "Breaking News: Patchy Drizzle Expected This Morning" comes "Junk e-mails spreading that promise erotic celebrity pics, Glendale company warns."

WHAT? Hold up a minute, partner. You mean to tell me that some of the e-mail I get is (sputter, cough) fake? That there might be something BESIDES a naked photo of a pop star in that attachment from that sender I don't know who is sending the same thing to a bunch of people whose email addresses are similar to mine? You mean to tell me junk e-mail is bad? GET OUT OF TOWN!

The sordid and shocking truth:

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Junk e-mails that promise erotic pictures of celebrities such as Angelina Jolie, Shakira, Britney Spears and Scarlett Johannson are spreading a virus to personal computers, a Glendale-based IT security company warned today. The e-mails generally have subject lines such as "Naked Shakira Clip," "Rihanna Exposed" or other suggestive messages and encourage readers to click a link, officials at Panda Security said.

And if you are snookered by these devilish net marauders' crafty ploy and click on the link, you will find that you are the victim of a virus. No, seriously, guys. It makes your computer sick with an illness for which there are few remedies (especially if you are on a PC, ahem). When did this start happening? And when will it stop? What can I, an average citizen, do?Apparently, the best course of action is to DO NOTHING. Tempting as that naked Shakira photo is, folks, DON'T DO IT. It's not worth it. It's dangerous. It's BAD. Any other wisdom from the folks at Panda? Yes: "Panda officials advised computer users to avoid opening e-mail messages from people they do not know and clicking on links the messages may contain."

Thank you, Daily News, for opening our collective eyes.