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Best Non-News News Item of the Day: Junk Email is Bad! Junk Email Spreads Viruses!

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Once again, the Daily News has saved us all from despair, anguish, and strife by providing Angelenos with vital news about our city. From the folks who brought you "Breaking News: Patchy Drizzle Expected This Morning" comes "Junk e-mails spreading that promise erotic celebrity pics, Glendale company warns."

WHAT? Hold up a minute, partner. You mean to tell me that some of the e-mail I get is (sputter, cough) fake? That there might be something BESIDES a naked photo of a pop star in that attachment from that sender I don't know who is sending the same thing to a bunch of people whose email addresses are similar to mine? You mean to tell me junk e-mail is bad? GET OUT OF TOWN!