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And You Think We Have A Messed Up Prima Donna Star...

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Face it, California: we'll never be able to match Florida in sheer dysfunctionality. We try to have a messed up election that the whole nation snickers at , and they come up with something so jaw-droppingly stupid that, well, our jaw drops. (And no, that's not a reminder of the 2000 "Thanks for George Bush" travesty. This is, though.)

We never expected their sports figures to top ours, though. Sure, we had the Shaq and Kobe debacle, closely followed by the Solo Kobe debacle. But at least Kobe never actually quit the team and then tried to come back.

If you're a Bruin fan, then you should remember Billy Donovan, i.e. that asshole who coaches at Florida and has beaten us two years straight. Well, if you've been paying attention to the losers of the Eastern Conference lately, you'd know that he signed a five-year, 27.5 million dollar contract to coach the Orlando "Hey, We've Still Got Grant Hill" Magic. But before you bring out the celebratory blue and gold, he, um, actually isn't going to coach there at all. That's right- after all the wrangling and deal making, three days after the freaking contract got signed, Donovan got all like, "Wait a minute. You guys lose on a consistent basis? Peace, yo." And then Drama tried to get Donovan to stay, but Billy's manager held Drama over a window...okay, I may be getting Billy Donovan mixed up with Saigon from Entourage. But the story lines are surprisingly similar. So now Billy's flown the coup and returned to his godless swamp pit at UF, and the Magic have hired Stan Van Gundy, the genius who was amazingly able to win a championship with Shaq and Dwayne Wade.

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Bottom line: You're a helpless mess, Florida.

AP Photo by John Raoux