LA Is Too Hot (Hot Damn), Make A Dragon Wanna Retire Man

A pedestrian uses an umbrella on a hot sunny morning in Los Angeles, Oct. 24, 2017. (Frederic J. Brown/AFP/Getty Images)

Summer in L.A. always begins like a dream. The clouds retire for the season, and the sunlight casts a golden halo over the land.

Then comes the first hellish, burning inferno, when every second spent outside or without air conditioning means another breath of hot air and anguish upon our souls.

I regret to inform you, dear Angeleno, that time has come, and it is this weekend.

The National Weather Service predicts the first heat wave of the summer will last until Monday, and is forecasting temperatures to soar into the triple digits in the valleys, lower mountains and Antelope Valley.

Residents of the San Fernando, Santa Clarita and San Gabriel valleys received a heat advisory to protect against heat illnesses this morning. The warning is expected to remain in place until Sunday night for the valleys and Monday night for parts of the Inland Empire.


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Alas, this weekend's apprehensions don't end with heat. The South Coast Air Quality Management District has also issued an ozone advisory, a fancy way of saying that the air out there will be very unhealthy for you from now until next Tuesday morning.

Thankfully, Eric Boldt, a meteorologist at NWS Los Angeles, assured us that this is normal. We have heat waves like this every summer, and we are not expecting any record-breaking temperatures this weekend, he said.

Boldt added that L.A. should begin to cool off next week, with another small heat wave the week of July 24.

Nevertheless, the NWS has provided some tips to combat and guard against the ungodly force that is Southern California weather:

If you do, however, find yourself succumbing to the heat's vicious wrath, here's what to do in the event of heat exhaustion or heat stroke, because it's no longer cool to be hot:

UPDATES:

4:56 p.m.: This article was updated with an interview with a National Weather Service meteorologist.

This article was originally published at 12:39 p.m.