The Best Minimalist Coffee Shops For Celebrating Martin Shkreli's Conviction

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Shkreli prefers an El Salvador pour over. (Photo illustration by Annie Lloyd / Image of Maru via Yelp)

Today, “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli was found guilty of securities fraud after using his hedge fund to conduct an $11 million Ponzi scheme. Shkreli rose to infamous prominence after raising the price of a drug used to treat cancer and AIDS by over 5,000%, from $13.50 a tablet to $750 a tablet. He drew global ire and basked in his villainization, telling Vanity Fair “It’s fun to see people get so animated.” He also owns the only copy of Wu-Tang Clan’s record Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, which he has threatened to destroy.

Shkreli’s arrogance and glee at rendering healthcare a luxury for some of the sickest among us is a classic example of capitalism run amok, to disastrous consequences.

Another example? Coffee sold upwards of $5.50 a cup.

Here are the best places to drink price-inflated coffee in a white room to celebrate a price-inflator’s imminent arrival in a jail cell.

MARU

For low benches in light wood, white coffee mugs, subtle plant accents, a 90% chance of seeing someone wear linen, and the feeling of entering someone’s Instagram, look no further than Maru on Hillhurst in Los Feliz. The coffee shop opened last year and has become the go-to spot for dog owners in the area. They feature a regular rotation of delicious pastries and serve some of the best biscuits in Los Angeles on Saturday and Sunday mornings. A regular cup of pour over coffee goes for between $5 and $6.

The coffee shop does not regularly play Wu-Tang Clan over its speakers, according to the employee working when LAist called.

Maru is located at 1936 Hillhurst Ave in Los Feliz.

THE ASSEMBLY

The Assembly in West Hollywood features—you guessed it—low benches in light wood, white coffee mugs, subtle plant accents, a 90% chance of seeing someone wear linen, and the feeling of entering someone’s Instagram. They also have ”curated retail offerings by Poketo,” per their website. They have a hefty and strong food menu as well, including small sandwiches and salads sourced from Farmshop and donuts from Donut Snob. A regular cup of pour over coffee goes for between $5 and $6.

The coffee shop does not regularly play Wu-Tang Clan over its speakers, according to the employee working when LAist called.

The Assembly is located at 634 N Robertson Blvd in West Hollywood.

DOCUMENT COFFEE BAR

Koreatown feels like Seoul right in the heart of Los Angeles, transporting denizens of our city to the forward-thinking big city across the Pacific Ocean. So, naturally, a coffee shop in Koreatown features low benches in light wood, white coffee mugs, subtle plant accents, a 90% chance of seeing someone wear linen, and the feeling of entering someone’s Instagram. Document has chairs like the ones in high schools, and the communal tables are very long, so it adds a layer of utilitarianism to the time spent re-touching photos or checking Twitter on your laptop. A regular cup of pour over coffee goes for between $5 and $6.

The coffee shop did not pick up the phone when LAist called to inquire whether it regularly plays Wu-Tang Clan over its speakers.

Document Coffee Bar is located at 3850 Wilshire Blvd in Koreatown.

EIGHTFOLD COFFEE

Echo Park has a strong history of artists, revolutionaries, communes, and religions, so a popular coffee shop in the neighborhood will feature low benches in light wood, white coffee mugs, subtle plant accents, a 90% chance of seeing someone wear linen, and the feeling of entering someone’s Instagram. Luckily, Eightfold Coffee does the trick. Located on the eastern end of Sunset, the coffee shop frequently has food pop-ups (like popular L.A. bagel purveyor Yeastie Boys) and houses the main annex location of And Pens Press, a local small press art publishing company. A pour over coffee costs $5.

The coffee shop did not pick up the phone when LAist called to inquire whether it regularly plays Wu-Tang Clan over its speakers.

Eightfold Coffee is located at 1294 Sunset Blvd in Echo Park.