Exclusive Interview with a Corrections Officer at a Jail Similar to Where Paris Hilton will spend 45 Days

jail's hot tshirt is not real it's photoshopped but we wish it was real In our final installment of our multi-part interview with a law enforcement officer who was nice enough to tell us all what Paris Hilton will have in store for her when she goes to jail next month, we learn about the fine cuisine she will gorge on, as well as the likelihood of her getting her ass beat.

LAist: What is the typical schedule for an inmate like Paris?

Correctional Deputy: Get up as early as 5am for a head count. Have a few minutes to get ready enough to go get your food tray, unless they get served through their cuffport.

Get a nice heaping serving of low sodium crap. (Probably looks like slop). Go back and go to bed for a little while. Maybe engage in a little t.v time or cell time... Or go to some AA meeting or a life skills class.

Then phone time. She should be careful with this though. She could piss off a lot of people for trying to stay on the phone during her first few days instead of sharing with them. It's understandable because she probably won't have any friends right away. But if she is the typical inmate she will spend her first session of phone time crying to her family and friends on the phone. A lot.

Then maybe another head count or racked-in for whatever reason that would provide safety and security for the facility. More cell time...

Lunch...bologna sandwich...Like everyday. Which she will most likely say she can't eat and make a lame excuse or lie about, hoping she would be given something else. Some think if they say they are a vegetarian they will get a salad. Some think if they say it is for religious reasons they will get something better. Not so. She either eats the crap or lives off of other inmates' side dishes, and milk/juice for 45 days.

Maybe she will go do some activity or get counseling.

More cell time...maybe read a book that someone offered her...maybe just a bible that was left by the last inmate that occupied that cell. Another head count.. More cell time..... More cell time... looking at the walls or if she has a celley [cell mate] talk to her.

Dinner...more slop... Maybe another head count.... Cell time... Lock down....Lights out....

Or at least something to that effect. My understanding, this location you gave me, only recently opened up again and is an all women's facility. I suppose things are pretty damn clean and nice with all the programming classes you could handle. With religious services more than 1 or 2 x's a week.

Does "cell time" mean she is locked into her small cell and not allowed to be in a bigger room with the others? Is "cell time" something that the inmates like or dislike? Is it better not to be in your cell?

Cell Time means being locked in your cell. Some like it some don't, some like it sometimes and others like it all of the time. Sometimes it is the only quite time you have. There are many other reasons inmates prefer their cell time for other reasons.

As far as violence - Paris has been quoted as saying the word "nigger", if a black woman in that jail beats her up, are you saying that a third inmate might rat out that black woman to the jail personnel to get brownie points from Paris or from the jail personnel? And wouldn't ratting out a fellow inmate for Paris Hilton's benefit ruin their cred in the jail?

If Paris called or calls a black person a "nigger", she is asking for trouble. I hope she has better sense than that. She could get in a world of hurt. But again she is supposed to be isolated from the rest of the jail population. So it should not be possible for this to happen.

Besides wanting to beat her up for words said in the past there are other reasons why someone might want to assault her.

#1 The person might say "Fuck it" I've got nothing to lose" Maybe for notoriety she would beat her up, maybe just because she was pissed off for the racial slur.

#2 The person was paid to do it, just to see how staff would react or to see if Hilton gets special treatment.

#3 The person was forced to do it to save their ass from someone stronger than themselves and maybe that stronger person just wanted to see how it would play out and was willing to risk the weaker person getting trouble on a new charge.

#4 The person who made the weaker person do it was stronger and did it to make someone who said they wanted to join up with the stronger person as an ally for protection in the jail.

#5 Lets say that person knew the weaker would do it trying for protection, but didn't want to off it, decided to scam the weaker into doing it so the stronger person/s could get rid of that weaker person. And/or give the stronger person notoriety for beating up Paris Hilton or at least getting credit for it somewhere down the line.

Let's just say that if anyone does beat her up, that person is just a fucking punk. Someone will snitch and rat that person out.

It is a bad idea no matter how it is done/if it is done. Hilton gets out in 45 days, maybe shorter if the place is crowded or she is the perfect inmate, why waste your time on her and possibly get more charges for an assault?

Most inmates are smarter than that.

But then again some of them are just fucking punks and this isn't their first time in jail, nor will it be their last time. So it could go either way.

Top image Photoshopped for LAist, other picture via Guess