A Word or 35:
TV On the Radio was great on Letterman last night - check 'em on Kimmel tonight. Also, Will Arnett, Mr. Amy Poehler, is on that show. If you have premium channels then Sunday is your night.

Tonight - Friday - March 30th, 2007

Angels @ Dodgers (KCAL, 7:30 p.m.)

Rockets @ Lakers (ESPN, 7:30 p.m.)

Clippers @ Kings (PRIME, 7:30 p.m.)

Ghost Whisperer/Close To Home/NUMB3RS (CBS, 8-11:00 p.m.) All new.

Raines (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Gets put to Fridays - are they trying to kill this series already?

Six Degrees (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Jason Lewis makes a guest appearance

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Sex change guy who has to pay alimony is on.

20/20 (ABC, 9:55 p.m.) Bawbwa interviews Mrs. Rudy Giuliani

The Wedding Bells (Fox, 10:00 p.m.) New.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Billy Packer, CBS Sports

The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Donald Trump, Jon Heder

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Amy Poehler(!!!), Ozomatli performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) the Will Arnett, Evan Ross, TV on the Radio perform!!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Chandra Wilson, Bobby Miyamoto, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony perform

Sunday

The Amazing Race: All Stars (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) Two hour special

Jerry Seinfeld: The Comedian Award (HBO, 9:00 p.m.) Premiere!

Sons of Hollywood (A&E, 10:00 p.m.) Series premiere!

The Tudors (Showtime, 10:00 p.m.) Series premiere!

Reno 911! (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) Season premiere!

Amy Poehler at Wednesday's Premiere of Blades of Glory via AP

Through an amazing fluke of luck I got on the list to see last week’s Saturday Night Live dress rehearsal. After a bit of a mixup with a friend who was supposed to join me I got escorted up to the 8th floor of 50 West 50th Street in Rockerfeller Center – this is the studio floor, not the bleachers. I sat down at 7:40 p.m. with about 20 other people lucky enough to be sitting in front of the center set while the band played. Camera dollies and boom mike cranes were doing their system checks while set carpenters continued to get the scene pieces in order.

At 7:45 p.m.announcer Don Pardo took the stage to get the show riled up for the show’s guests: Peyton Manning and Carrie Underwood. Pardo turns 90 next year godblesshim, and is the only person who has been continuously participating with the show since its inception.- for the life of me it took me a couple minutes to understand that he was talking to us and not just _announcing_ at us, his voice is so emblematic.

Cast member and erstwhile team captain Jason Sudeikis then warmed up the crowd with some more jokes as well as some pointers on no recording/photos, etc. “but you can text, there’s no rules against that.” Sudeikis also explained that the dress rehearsals include about 40 extra minutes of comedy that gets cut during about one hour of frenzied rewrites before the live show. Sudeikis introduced Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen who came out and did an excellent cover of the Selecter’s “On My Radio” with Armisen on guitar backed by the band – it was really surprisingly good, nothing like a bit of ska to get people bopping in their seats. As soon as they got off the stage Peyton Manning materialized to get his monologue position set, as soon as that was done he disappeared and the band started up the theme song – it was eight o’ clock.

The concept of being an over-18 male virgin in LA isn't a foreign one to LAist, if it wasn't for that night in the Honda in Ventura a few days after our 21st birthday (thnx Michelle) who knows how long it may have taken us to lose it.

But no way would we have gone on MTV to be taped for Suburban Virgin, a new show the teen-orientated former music network is now casting for, says reality blurred.

Here's what you've gotta do to pop your TV cherry:

1. You “must live within driving distance of the Los Angeles area and have limited to no experience with the opposite sex.”

2. You must be able to deliver them your email address, a photo, and “a brief history of [your pathetically dry] love life.”

We suggest keeping it real brief.

Then you must have the great good luck that MTV picks your untouched ass to exploit feature on their fine network.

Go to reality blurred for the email address that may change your life. "Hey you're that virgin guy on MTV who lives in the suburbs... and stuff."

The blogger from the Inland Empire who calls himself An Ordinary Me, noticed something quite fascinating this weekend, that KNBC has removed veteran reporter Kelly Mack's photo and bio from their website.

Not only is that news to us, but it seems to be news to Wikipedia as well who still lists her as a Special Reports Correspondent in the Other Reporters section of KNBC.

We know that this development is somewhat recent because if you type "kelly mack" into Google, her bio on KNBC is still the first return, however if you click that link you are met with the cold news: "Article Not Available - The story you are trying to view is no longer available through this Web site."

How true, glorified 404 error, how true.

Kelly Mack made two appearances on LAist prior to today:
- Partying with Kelly Mack, 12/10/04
- KNBC Refuses to Say "Jesus" or "Jesus Christ" on Christmas: 12/25/06

Dear ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, and Comedy Central,

Those stalwarts of comedy genius, those victors of marketing insights, and those champions of fine programming, the Oxygen channel has just dropped their best show ever.

So what are you going to do about it? Will you do what happens 98% of the time - the show dies, or will you do the right thing and pick up this horrifically overlooked bit of paradise and watch it skyrocket to the top?

These are ladies IN COLLEGE! You say you want the Myspace, Facebook, YouTube crowd - hello! Comedy in college with fearless writers and funny actors. It couldn't cost anything to make it since there aren't any stars, and its funnier than pretty much everything on tv. And it has an edge. And it's funny. God I hate writing you.

So there you have it, your Christmas gift in March. Will you accept it or will you continue to try to reinvent the wheel by delivering up the same old dreck ripping off the same old dreck, or will you start wisely using these cable networks for what they are: the minor leagues who should be developing good shows for you to pluck when they're ripe.

Best regards,

LAist

Say goodbye to Joan Beamin and Barri Martin. After two seasons the genius programming execs at Oxygen have decided to cancel their best show (read: their only watchable show), Campus Ladies.

In the latest season the always amusing Campus Ladies had hit its stride with tighter yet more complex narrative arcs, funnier set-ups, a beefed up role for the already strong supporting cast of Amir Talai, Derek Carter and Miranda Kent, and a constant slew of hilarious celebrities in guest-starring roles including Sean Hayes as Barri's "special" boyfriend, Jeff Garlin as his well-meaning but condescending boss, Rob Corddry as a jealous magician, Megan Mullally as a touchy-feely guidance counselor and Janeane Garofalo as a disability rights activist.

With its signature mix of sight gags, bathroom humor and sly comic observations, Campus Ladies tackled a host of topics ranging from bikini waxing to date rape to mid-life sexual awakening to cramming for exams. Thanks to longtime comedy partners Christen Sussin as exuberant, un-embarrassable Barri and Carrie Aizley as uptight but always game Joan, it was the show's humanity that anchored its satire. Whatever situation this winningly earnest duo found themselves in, they confronted it with a dose of wit, sympathy and humor that's all too rare in situation comedy.

Here's an idea for Oxygen: create a genuinely funny, relatable show like Campus Ladies and criminally under-promote it while throwing the weight of your meager hype machine behind Tori Spelling's thinly veiled attempts at self-aggrandizement (Just because she has a penchant for self-parody doesn’t mean she's NOT a shallow, tedious, fame whore).

Then there's the vile Bad Girls, a show that shamelessly traffics in every horrendous stereotype about women with so little self-awareness that you’d swear no one in the programming department at Oxygen had ever owned a mirror. It's particularly ironic for a network touting a fuzzy, commercialized form of female self-empowerment that a savvy satire like Campus Ladies was allowed to wither on the vine, while a sub-par reality show about a passel of shallow, skanky bitches vying to be the shallowest, skankiest bitch around has become Oxygen's most popular offering.

Hopefully Oxygen will at least be smart enough to release the two existing seasons of Campus Ladies on DVD complete with outtakes, commentaries and behind-the-scenes footage. So long Joan and Barri. I'll miss you.

I've been on hiatus a few days this week because my other job, the one that pays the bills, was superdemanding but this weekend the TV Junkie is in New York on assignment to cover the dress rehearsal of SNL - the one with Peyton Manning and American Idol winner Carrie Underwood.

I've only been here a couple hours and I (think) I got some really bad pics of Gerard Butler (300) going into the NBC studios for his appearance on Conan tonight.

The Daily Show's Demetri Martin examines the legality of watching him discuss the legality of watching The Daily Show on YouTube.

For the full effect, watch it illegally via this embedded YouTube player before Viacom submits its takedown notice.

If the YouTube video doesn't work, watch legally via Comedy Central's videoplayer, embedded after the jump.

A Word or 73:
Was sad to learn of the death of Larry "Bud" Melman aka Calvert DeForest who spent over 20 years as a regular on David Letterman's shows - always able to suffer indignities and deal with situations that exceeded Punk'd and Jackass in terms of humor and sophistication by decades.

Fox lostsome couple slots in the top 5 last week: American Idol got 1&2, followed by GRey's Anatomy, Deal or No Deal, and Cold Case.

Tonight - Wednesday - March 21st, 2007

America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8:00 p.m.) Benny Ninja pays a vist in the hopes of getting the models to bust a move.

Bones (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Rubbery corpse discovered

Survivor: Fiji/Criminal Minds/CSI: NY (CBS, 8-11:00 p.m.) Allnew.

Friday Night Lights (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) Julie doesn't want to move, Jason gets bad news, etc.

Lost (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) All about Locke

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Bill Cosby, Toni Braxton

The Daily Show With John Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) predator trapper Chris Hansen

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) political analyst Benjamin Barber

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Dunno if Dave is well enough to come back but he's got the Jack Black, Lara Logan, beer launch machine creator John Cornwell. Look for mention/tribute to Larry "Bud" Melman

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) the former Mrs. McCartney Heather Mills, James Morrison performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) Jeff Goldblum, Kate Mara, voicemail collector Michael Wilde
Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Don Cheadle, Neil Patrick Harris, Shane Mauss performs

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Tom Arnold, Drake Witham, Hinder performs

Larry "Bud" Melman via AP

Tonight - Monday - March 19th, 2007

Dancing With the Stars (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) Season premiere. Featuring peg leg Heather Mills, Ian Ziering, Clyde Drexler and Paulina Porizkova, Cliff Clavin, that skating guy Apollo Ono, etc.

How I Met.../The New Advent.../Two and a Half.../Rules of Engag.../CSI: Miami (CBS, 8-11:00 p.m.) All new tonight.

Prison Break/24 (FOX, 8-10:00 p.m.) New episodes for old thrillers.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Senator and prez wannabe Barack Obama

'Til Death Do Us Part (Court TV, 10:00 p.m.) Series premeiere. This is what Waters has been hawking all over perdition lately.

The Riches (FX, 10:00 p.m.) 'Nother new episode of this destined for decline show.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Stephen Prothero

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Wax on, wax off, with Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.)

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Jerome Groopman

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Bernie Mac, a sober Paula Abdul, Joss Stone performs

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Terrence Howard, the cast of "Jersey Boys" performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) the former Mr. Roseanne Tom Arnold, Rainn Wilson, Jesse Malin performs

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Merv Griffin(!), Nia Long, John Mellencamp performs

Heather Mills (no more McCartney) and dance partner via AP

Saturday Night Live is rarely any good, but when it's good it's damn good, which is why they must be stoked to have YouTube around to filter out all the gunky crud that fucks up their brand.

Last night SNL alumn Chris Rock had the honors of opening the show and he did a 3.5 minute monologue that would have been perfect in his stand-up routine, if in fact he was doing stand-up right now.

The topic was, which person would he be voting for as President of the United States, the white woman or the black man.

Besides exposure for new and upcoming music, SXSW also serves as a launching pad for products, companies and shows like MTV's upcoming Human Giant. Starring funny men Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer, the show kicked off a sneak preview party last night at Friends on 6th St. We ran into Sam Grossman, development exec at MTV. He talked about the new sketch comedy show with us over beers.

“There’s a Bugs Bunny aspect to it. People are blown up and then two minutes later they are fine. We call it cartoon realism for the video game generation,” he laughs.

Half the episodes were shot in LA and half were shot in NY. Why? Actors Huebel and Scheer live in LA, while Ansari and writer/director Jason Wollner live in NY. Cameos are made throughout the season from comedians like Patton Oswalt, Eugene Mirman and Jonah Hill. The preview played in front of a packed house and we can attest, this shit is funny!

We also learned that MTV’s accompanying Thursday night lineup includes Short Circuitz, a sketch comedy show starring Nick Cannon, and Adventures in Hollywood, a reality show following Atlanta’s Oscar-winning rappers 36 Mafia on their move to Los Angeles. We're really excited about the latter. Posh Spice is gonna have nothing on them.

We're also pleased to report that the Wilmer Valderrama-hosted insult competition Yo Momma will not be returning.

Human Giant premieres April 5.

Tonight - Friday - March 16th, 2007

College Basketball: Arizona vs. Purdue (CBS, 4:00 p.m.)

College Basketball: Arkansas vs. USC (CBS, 6:30 p.m.)

Trail Blazers @ Lakers (Fox Sports, 7:30 p.m.)

Take the Money and Run (TCM, 6:45 p.m.) Bumbling bank thief, Woody Allen, is released from prison and continues his crime spree (1969)

20/20 (ABC, 9:55 p.m.) Bawbwa talks to Venezuelan Prez Hugo Chavez

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) thighmistress Suzanne Somers, Chris Rock

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Time editor Richard Stengel

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Broad football guy Terry Bradshaw, geek girl from 24 Mary Lynn Rajskub, Musiq Soulchild performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) Funnyman Artie Lang, Bryan Greenberg, the Feeling perform

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Jeff Goldblum pushes Raines, Ivanka Trump is Ivanka Trump, Pete Yorn performs

Saturday

Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 p.m.) Julia Louis-Dreyfus hosts

Sunday

Grease: You're the One That I Want (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) Next to last episode, thank god.

Galapagos (National Geographic, 8:00 p.m.) A comprehensive update of what happening with the legit Survivors

A Word Or 37:
Lotsa new episodes and shows on NBC tonight. ABC is also stepping up with new episodes. I wish I felt more positive about Andy Barker, P.I. but it didn't look so great on Conan. Raines looks apalling.

Tonight - Thursday - March 15th, 2007

College Basketball: UCLA vs. Weber State (CBS, 4:00 p.m.)

Narc (IFC, 6:00 p.m.) Jason Patric and Ray Liotta team up as cops in this thriller from '02

College Basketball: Gonzaga vs. Indiana (CBS, 6:30 p.m.)

Lakers @ Nuggets (KCAL, 7:30 p.m.)

Blackhawks @ Kings (Fox Sports, 7:30 p.m.)

The Office (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) Back from hiatus with a full hour!

Smallville (the CW, 8:00 p.m.) Lex and Lana's wedding day

Ugly Betty (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) Back from hiatus. Betty goes on date with orthodentist (ew).

Addiction (HBO, 9:00 p.m.) Premiere of documentary.

Scrubs (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) New one.

Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Back from hiatus. The race for chief heats up.

Supernatural (the CW, 9:00 p.m.) Phantom farmer chases young woman.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Mormon Prez wanna-be Mitt Romney

Andy Barker, P.I. (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) Series premiere! This is the one that Andy Richter has been pushing all over the place.

October Road (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) Series premiere!

Raines (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) Series premiere! This is the one Jeff Goldblum has been pushing all over the place.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Sandra Bullock pushes Premonition

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) TBA

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Dutch politician Ayaan Hirsi Ali

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Newsman Dan Rather, chef Andrew Zimmern, Lloyd performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) 24s Rick Schroder, the very pretty Amber Valletta pushes Premonition, Omarion performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Julia Louis-Dreyfus, comedy guy Harland Williams, physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson

Sandra Bullock attending toga party, I mean, Premonition premiere via AP

Diana Ross -- looking like a big-haired, red-feathered, mythical creature (or possibly Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters) -- vogued, shrieked and crooned a vegas-style rendition of “More Today Than Yesterday,” while Randy tapped along, Paula danced like a drunken sailor and Simon watched smugly all the while thinking, “If she was in this competition, her entrails would be hanging off the lighting rig.” Or maybe he was just looking through her dress. It's hard to say.

At that point Brandon, Phil and Sanjaya took their place in the bottom three.

Sanjaya then kissed Phil in the ear, and kicked Brandon in the ass.

Bye bye Brandon Rogers. You are a star.

A Word Or 28:
Fox did it again last week. The top 5 most watched programs were a combination of American Idol, Are You As Smart As a 5th Grader?, and House.

Tonight - Wednesday - March 14th, 2007

Dick Tracy Marathon (TCM, 5:00 p.m.) The classic from the '40s

Clippers @ Rockets (KTLA, 5:30 p.m.)

Suns @ Mavericks (ESPN, 6:00 p.m.)

Blue Jackets @ Ducks (PRIME, 7:00p.m.)

Jericho (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) The Marines arrive.

George Lopez (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) George goes to a funeral.

Bones (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Back from hiatus.

America's Next Top Model (the CW, 8:00 p.m.) The models get makeovers, an episode to remember.

According To Jim/In Case of Emergency (ABC, 9-10:00 p.m.) New episodes.

American Idol (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) Diana Ross performs!

Crossing Jordan (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Deadly virus hits Boston.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) ACLU attorney Chris Hansen

'Til Death (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) Eddie and Joy share a dorm room with ??

Lost (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) Charlie starts acting weird. Sayid and Locke get on each others' nerves.

Good Eats/Dinner: Impossible (Food, 9-10:00 p.m.) Corned beef/24 hours to create appetizers for 4000 people

Halfway Home (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) Series premiere.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) TBA

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Foreign policy analyst Zbigniew Brzezinski (say it 10xfast!)

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Adventurer Ed Viesturs

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) the Richard Gere, Aqualung performs

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) "Big Mike" Clarke Duncan, Finger Eleven perform

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) new mom Tori Spelling, Smallville guy Jensen Ackles, Evanescence performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Andy Richter comes home, the Shins perform!

Diana Ross lookin' MILFy via AmericanIdol.com

Tonight - Tuesday - March 13th, 2007

Clippers @ Spurs (KTLA, 5:00 p.m.)

Dateline NBC (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) Top 10 preverts

American Idol (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Down to the top 12 finalists

Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll (the CW, 9:00 p.m.) Welcome to the Dollhouse - the finalists move in.

Primetime (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Porn porn porn porn porn

The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10:00 p.m.) Season finale.

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency (Oxygen, 10:30 p.m.) Season finale

Larry King (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Who will get custody of Anna Nicole Smith's baby? Who?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Alternacinema legend John Waters

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Photorealist painter Chuck Close

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) racism scholar Michael Eric Dyson

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Jeff Goldblum pushes his awful new series, Barbara McQueen, the Good, the Bad and the Queen perform

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Sandra Bullock, the affable Andy Richter, Evanescence perform

Jimmy Kimmel KIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) Brad Garrett, Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon, the Nuge performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Chris Rock, Law & Order guy Christopher Meloni, Mary Weiss performs

Jeff Goldblum via AP

Tonight - Friday - March 9th, 2007

Lakers @ Sixers (KCAL, 5:40 p.m.)

Clatterford (BBC America, 9:00 p.m.) Series premiere. A new show from AbFab'sJennifer Saunders
Close To Home/NUMB3RS (CBS, 9-11:00 p.m.) New.

Las Vegas (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Season finale.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Remembering Johnny Carson - do you remember him? I do.

20/20 (ABC, 9:55 p.m.) New trial for momma murderer; Nigerian Internet scams

Party Monster (IFC, 9:00 p.m.) Macaulay Culkin as a drug addicted club promoter who murders. Chloe Sevigny and Seth Green are also in it.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Time's Michael Duffy, Thomas Defrank, Vanity Fair editor Todd Purdum

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m. EST) cutie Kerry Washington, comedian Jeff Applebaum, Aaron Lewis performs

Tonight - Thursday - March 8th, 2007

The Yakuza Papers (IFC, 5:00 p.m.) All 5 flicks from the gangster saga.

Survivor: Fiji (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) More shenanigans from paradise.

American Idol (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Carrie Underwood performs, top 12 finalists revealed.

Scrubs (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Sad news for the Army guy.

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) Well, are you?

30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) Last one before show goes on hiatus.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) The Secret(??)

Throwdown With Bobby Flay/Ace of Cakes (FOOD, 10-11:00 p.m.) Meatloaf vs. Olympic Ski Slope cake.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Dr. Sharon Moalem

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Charlie is keeping this a secret for now.

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Ted "Hair Helmet" Koppel

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) kinda smart, kinda funny Bill Maher, Jacinda Barrett, Razorlight performs

Bill Maher via BillMaher.com

A Word Or 45 (or so):
Fox has got it down, the top 5 most viewed programs on TV were on Fox, 3 were episodes of American Idol and the other 2 were Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? Someone at Fox is smart enough to know that most American adult's aren't.

Tonight - Wednesday - March 7th, 2007

Lakers @ Bucks (KCAL, 5:00 p.m.)

Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon (TCM, 5:00 p.m.) Basil Rathbone marathon on TCM tonight, check it out.

Coyotes @ Ducks (PRIME, 7:00 p.m.)

Jericho (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) A hunting trip turns into a fight for survival.

Dateline NBC (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) P.I. Bill Stanton discusses personal safety (shot in genuine Alarmovision)

America's Next Top Model (the CW, 8:00 p.m.) The girls go to the prom.

George Lopez (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) New.

American Idol (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Top 8 chicas perform.

Crossing Jordan/Medium (NBC, 9-11:00 p.m.) A blogging serial killer/Allison wakes up as her teenage self.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) No idea who it's going to be.

According to Jim/In Case of Emergency (ABC, 9-10:00 p.m.) New ones.

The Wedding Bells (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) Series premiere.

Lost (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) Locke, Sayid, and Kate investigate a new structure.

South Park (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) Season premiere.

The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) Season finale.

Good East/Dinner: Impossible (FOOD, 10-11:00 p.m.) Pomegranate/Infiltrating the CIA

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, White House Correspondent Martha Raddatz

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Jazz Great Wynton Marsalis
The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) New Yorker writer Michael Specter

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Andy Garcia, Daily Show alum Rob Corddry

Wynton Marsalis via AP

A Word Or 29:
Slim pickins tonight my friends. I'm half inclined to just park it in front of TCM for a night of private eye flicks (Sam Spade, Philip Marlowe, Mike Hammer).

Tonight - Tuesday - March 6th, 2007

Lakers @ Timberwolves (KCAL, 5:00 p.m)

Kings @ Blackhawks (Fox Sports, 5:30 p.m.)

The Big Sleep (TCM, 7:00 p.m.) Bogie as Philip Marlowe in this classic Raymond Chandler private eye flick, directed by Howard Hawkes, also with Lauren "Fancy Feast" Bacall

Dateline NBC (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) More perverted justice.

Gilmore Girls (the CW, 8:00 p.m.) A road trip to North Carolina.

American Idol (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) The top 8 boys perform.

Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll (the CW, 9:00 p.m.) Series premiere.

Primetime (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Featuring Jesus Christo Hombre

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Singer Katharine McPhee. What?? No Anna coverage?

House (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) Musical savant with a movement disorder (for killer solos).

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) ABC White House correspondent Martha Raddatz

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) War veteran Richard Jadick

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Writer-illustrator Mark Frauenfelder

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Without A Trace's Poppy Montgomery, NHL guy Jeremy Roenick, filmmaker Paul Morrissey

catty Pussycat Dolls via AP

Thanks to a boot-licking lead-in from The Family Guy and non-stop promos on Fox, I got suckered into watching last night's debut of The Winner on Fox.

I can't believe Rob Corddry is starring in a show this unfunny. I can't believe Seth MacFarlane executive produced a show this unfunny. I can't believe network execs greenlit a show this unfunny.

I don't get it. Corddry has a proven track record of hilarity on The Daily Show. All that savage wit and mock deadpan humor… Who decided it needed to be crushed into a lifeless ball and flushed down the toilet of mainstream network television?

The Winner, which is co-written by MacFarlane and fellow Family Guy writer Ricky Blitt, stars Corddry as Glen Abbott, a coddled man-child (excuse me, late bloomer) who at age 32 still lives with his parents, has never held down a job and has never had sex. If all that isn't cute enough, he's also obsessive-compulsive, a choice that smacks of network decision-making at its worst.

"Character" isn't something you create by glopping kooky mannerisms onto a blank canvas. Character comes from point-of-view, which determines how a person thinks, feels and responds. And (one of) the problem(s) with The Winner is that the main character -- the guy who's supposed to carry the show, the guy we're supposed to care about or at least be interested in -- is a whiny, boring, drip.

A Word Or 62:
I hope to get a hold of at least a couple pints of this new Ben & Jerry's flavor. I am perennially pissed that I can never make it to the local B&J store to get the Pumpkin flavor so I know that this is all a conspiracy. Hopefully this will make red staters boycott B&J which just means - more for me!!! [Note that a lot of late night shite is on hiatus this week, it's not just me being lazy]

Tonight - Monday - March 5th, 2007

I Heart Huckabees (IFC, 6:00 p.m.) This movie's all about Jason Schwartzman and Dustin Hoffman but check out Naomi Watts, Lily Tomlin, and hey, even Tippi Hedren is in this.

Spurs @ Clippers (PRIME, 7:30 p.m.)

Prison Break (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) It's all about Mahone and Sara, and T-Bag and his lost luggage

The Class (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) Season finale.

Heroes (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Last one before going on hiatus.

24 (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) Revel in another new episode of this neo-con conspiracy to control your brain.

Supernanny (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Single mom with 3 kids works two jobs.

Derailroaded (Sundance, 9:00 p.m.) Cable premiere of a view "inside the mind of LArry 'Wild Man' Fischer"

Rules of Engagement (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) New episode, I guess.

What About Brian (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) Yuppies in love - Brian wonders if his relationship with Bridget is the right thing? Is it?

The Black Donnellys (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) Disaffected pretty boy crooks continue their rampage.

The Naked Trucker and T-Bones Show (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) Season finale.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Sen. Harry Reid, ABC correspondent Martha Raddatz

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Reporter Bob Woodruff

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) B-O-C Democrat Mara Vanderslice, Ben and Jerry - on the show to announce new flavor dedicated to Colbert!

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) Academy award winner Jennifer Hudson, Gerard Butler pushing 300, Anberlin performs

the new Ben & Jerry's flavor via AP

A Word Or 30:
A wall of repeats ends a fairly good week of new TV. They had to pull celebrity commentators off of Anna Nicole's coffin today, leaving nail marks on the lid.

Tonight - Friday - March 2nd, 2007

Sharks @ Ducks (PRIME, 7:00 p.m.)

Kings @ Lakers (Fox Sports, 7:30 p.m.)

38th NAACP Image Awards (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) Hosted by LL Cool J
Las Vegas (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) Ed thinks about retiring and buying the Montecito.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Anna Nicole Smith's funeral

Monk (USA, 9:00 p.m.) Season finale.

20/20 (ABC, 9:55 p.m.) Kauai reservoir dam burst of 2006; unrelated look-alikes; teens post violence on that evil thing called the Internets.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Mikhail Baryshnikov

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Davefave Charles Grodin, comedian Dan Naturman

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) Queen Latifah, Scottish actor Gerard Butler, Buckcherry performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) Christina Ricci pushes Black Snake Moan, Patrick "Puddy" Warburton, Locksley performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) Ted "the Hair" Koppel, Tom "Ed" Cavanagh, Relient K performs

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) John Mellencamp, Oscar De La Hoya

Sunday

The Winner (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) Series premiere. With Daily Show alum Rob Corddry

Queen Latifah at the Oscars via AP

We are living in strange days indeed. LAist remembers a time when CNN anchors were mellow and mild and just told you the news. But ever since they expanded and began hiring the likes of Tucker Carlson, Robert Novak, and later Anderson Cooper, Glenn Beck, and Nancy Grace, it gave us the feeling of a Fox News Jr.

Maybe we're crazy.

The last few days have been interesting on CNN's Glenn Beck's show, though. First he mocked MSNBC's Keith Olbermann for saying that Beck will soon say something that could get him booted off CNN, then Beck this week told a joke so poorly that depending on his relationship with his boss(es), could possibly get him kicked off CNN .

We hope he keeps his job. He makes us feel better about ourselves.

After the jump, Olbermann showing Beck's joke while giving him the honor of being the Worst Person in the World.

Dedication rounds continued last night with big voices, little skirts, and enough Whitney and Celine worship to maketh us puke. But these chicks mean business. With their breathy and booming display of vocal control they overpowered and outsang the boys for a second straight week.

Gina Glocksen (Dedicated to: Her Boif)
Punky hair stripe, tattoos, big heels and a fancy, red satin dress. Simon is confused about her image. We approve of her rocking Heart’s “Alone,” however “Barracuda” would have been cooler.

Alaina Alexander (Dedicated to: Her Moms)
The Cali Redlands native “ran out of steam” during a blah Dixie Chicks offering. She’s a cute girl with an ok voice, but she moves kind of like a ragdoll and looks like she might cry at any moment.

LaKisha Jones (Dedicated to: Her 90 year old Grandma who has a crush on Seacrest)
Simon thought her choice of an Orange shirt was distracting, but LAist believes the shirt was Salmon, and flattering. LaKisha sang “Midnight Train To Georgia” and possibly did so better than Gladys. She continues to belt it out with poise and sincerity.

Melinda Doolittle (Dedicated to: Her Stylist and Vocal Coach)
The smiling back-up-singer-that-could did a killer rendition of “My Funny Valentine” -- perhaps the worst song ever next to the entire Rush catalog -- which makes our girl a top contender for turd polishing. And she might win this competition too.

Today - Thursday - March 1st, 2007

Ducks @ Kings (Fox Sports, 7:30 p.m.)

College Basketball: UCLA @ Washington State (PRIME, 7:30 p.m.)

Survivor: Fiji (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) Someone has a tantrum on the island.

Swinging (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) Series premiere

Scrubs/30 Rock (NBC, 8-9:00 p.m.) New episodes.

Larry King Live (CNN, 9:00 p.m.) Reporter Bob Woodruff

Ace of Cakes (Food Network, 10:30 p.m.) Off to Baltimore. If only this show had the balls to license some Ace of Bass for the soundtrack.

Charlie Rose (PBS, 11:30 p.m.) Playwright Harold Pinter

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11:00 p.m.) Author Sam Sheridan

The Colber(t) Repor(t) (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m.) Larry King is still alive

The Late Show With David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) Right wing sellout Dennis Miller (I wouldn't have a problem with the sellingoutingness, but the dude just ain't funny anymore), reporter Bob Woodruff, John Mayer performs (unfortunately)

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) unfortunately Howie Mandel, reporter Chris Hansen, Korn performs

Jimmy Kimmel LIVE (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) scary Ray Liotta, My Name Is Earl hottie Nadine Velasquez, Danity Kane performs

Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) allegedly gay Anderson Cooper, the funny Rob Corrdry, Son Volt performs

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m.) that crazy Jennifer Tilly, Family Guy guy Seth MacFarlane, the Cat Empire performs

Bob Woodruff in 2005 via AP