With even more evidence of the population spending more time with programming and movies online, Lifetime, which I jokingly refer to as the most sexist network on the planet, is now launching programs on the web. If you weren't getting enough reality TV, first verify that you don't have testicles and then check out mylifetime.com and look for "That Magic Moment" which is about couples' first time in the sack and the "Clean Start Challenge”......

Am in a post-Super Bowl stupor. The commercials were so-so, I wasn't unduly impressed, and the halftime show was terrible, they practically had to frickin' wheel Tom Petty and his aging cronies out there. Going for it on 4th and 13?? That made me almost as sick as the above clip. 8:30pm Duty Free TV: Unbeatable Banzuke/Super Big Product Fun Show G4 - Series Premiere. The series is a combination of Super Big Product......

The Lost premiere is the biggest TV event of this very young year, hands down. In other news, Bloomberg says that Fox has sold it's Super Bowl ad slots in record time to the tune of $225 million - recession? What recession? 8:00pm Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares BBCA - Ramsay heads to Paris to save France. TV Junkie 8:00pm Pick 9:00pm Lost ABC - Season Premiere. TV Junkie Pick O' The Night. 9:00pm Celebrity Apprentice NBC......

Torchwood is a guilty pleasure and its new season starts tonight on the BBCA. If you've ever been in a foreign land and seen a slightly dated American TV program come on and felt that queasy embarrassment then you know what watching Torchwood is like. It's cheesy and over-the-top science fiction with British accents and the odd dashing American thrown in. Everyone is hyper-sexed and they don't seem to discriminate between whichever sex they are......

Got a bit more of a schedule tonight: the Winter X Games are starting up, and there's a bunch of stuff at 8:00pm. I was sick on Sunday so I'm looking forward to catching the rebroadcast of Breaking Bad on AMC. 6:00pm Winter X Games ESPN - Special. This will be re-broadcast at 10:00pm. I'd be kind of into watching this if it didn't have all this stupid snowmobile crap in it. 8:00pm Ramsay's Kitchen......

As you can see below it's slim pickins tonight. Last Friday the Wall Street Journal ran an article about all the smoke that the networks are blowing with their overuse of the word "new" as it applies to their programming. ABC's "all new (but partial) season of Lost" and the "all new funny" Carpoolers, which would be a welcome change for that sub par offering. I guess we're supposed to be excited about this and......

OK so now Oprah wants her own network and she's going to get it. Remember that she is one of the four founders of the Oxygen Network, you know, that paragon of programming that now includes: The Bad Girls Club, Snapped, and the Oxygen Original movie Husband for Hire. Now she's distancing herself from that loathsome swamp of bad TV because of her new altruistic endeavor, the modestly named OWN (The Oprah Winfrey Network) which......

In other news, a desperate NBC has ordered a pilot of the BBC's cars & celebs series, Top Gear. The show has been running on BBC America for a couple years now, I've seen a few episodes, notably one with Ewan McGregor. The show may be amusing depending upon which celebrities they line up, but it's no American Idol. Again, instead of coming up with something original, we're forced to watch rebranded concepts from overseas.......

So The Colber(t) Repor(t) and The Daily Show are back and while Colbert, Stewart, Kimmel, and Conan are all nimble on their feet, and very funny and engaging, it's amazing how the success of all these shows really comes down to the writing. It's great to have them all back on the air and it does provide us all with some late night alternatives, but I hope NBC, ABC, and Viacom come to their senses......

I've managed to avoid watching NFL playoffs and college bowl games but I'm getting worn down, I'm tellin' ya. If I got the Fox Movie Channel I would watch Less Than Zero tonight at 7pm because I'm just about as strung out as Robert Downey Jr.was in that flick. I'm not begging for the writers to capitulate, I want them to win, I'm just begging the networks to send me some shite to write about.......

I vaguely remember the '80s so the return of American Gladiator to the screen presents me with a nauseating wave of nostalgia that I want to boogie board to the fullest. Then again, I vaguely remember the '70s and the relaunch of the Bionic Woman left a lot to be desired. But hey, we live in America, and with enough boobies and violence, American Gladiator could have the required recipe for success. Friday 8:00pm Flash......

The WGA and the producers are back at the negotiating table, hopefully they will catch the breaks that they need so that the collapse of Western civilization is averted. In a desperate attempt to avoid family time over the holiday, I managed to watch season one of Showtime's Dexter and my optimism for the future of mankind was restored. I missed Dexter when it premiered last year but was happy to cover the zany stunts......

Watching Nip/Tuck has always been a dirty and guilty pleasure. Season five of the show returns tonight on FX and McNamara/Troy are moving the business to our own Los Angeles (as if you haven't been pummeled incessantly by the promos for the last month, and particularly during the World Series). The overpromotion irritates me a bit because it can set up what has been a pretty good show for a fall. Since Nip/Tuck has always......

Baseball was fun last night since there wasn't much else on. Tonight we have more choices, except for late night which only offers us Kimmel. If you have the Sundance Channel you really ought to check out the series Iconoclasts, which pairs up incongruous individuals from sometimes completely disciplines to see what kinds of discussions result. Weird and fascinating. 5:00pm World Series: Game Deux FOX - For all you non-Francophiles or non-Naked Gun fans, Deux......

If there are 30 minutes of television for you to watch tonight, then those 30 minutes should be 30 Rock. Tina Fey's American Express commercial has left me wanting more and finally I'm getting some. And hey lookie, they actually got Seinfeld back in a sitcom, for at least an episode. 8:30pm 30 Rock NBC - Season Premiere. TV Junkie Pick of the Night. 9:00pm Supernatural CW - Season Premiere. 9:00pm The Office NBC -......

I used the word hump mainly because I think that Sarah Silverman would endorse my use of that word, and perhaps go on to give us an explanation of humping and whom/what humping should be applied to. Am I immature? Yes, but it's a good kind of immature. I feel like I've waited forever for her show to get back on the air but the day hath arrived. Check the clip above to get......

This week seems to be the week that new sitcoms will be unleashed upon us. Tonight we have the bizarre historical moment in which commercial characters have now secured themselves an actual network television series. We're of course talking about Cavemen. While GEICO may have created a successful commercial campaign, one would think that the idea of a series could have been tested online much more economically. Everyone is predicting a flameout and that the......

Check out late night TV, lots of good stuff including an appearance of Juliette and the Licks (photo via Juliette's Myspace) on the Late Late Show. Tonight we also present the guilty pleasures of Steve-O's new show Dr. Steve-O, USA @ 11:00pm. Steve-O's sidekick is the lovely Trishelle of Real World fame who was interviewed here on LAist a couple months ago. The premise is that Steve-O and Trishelle subject "wussies" to various humiliations......

Grab a beer friends, we survived the week. I still got hours of junk Tivo'd that I'm supposed to watch but on the calendar it says it's Friday and that's a great thing. Late night TV is super busy tonight, check it out: a free Paris Hilton, Michael Douglas, Seth Myers, Jenny McCarthy. Also, LeBron James is on SNL tomorrow - have a great weekend. 5:00pm-11:00pm Body Switcharoo Marathon TCM - A rock block of......

A couple more days of this visual and mental assault. I've discovered that drinking really helps though. 7:30pm Where Eagles Dare TCM - Here's your chance to bypass most of the new and quite possibly very mediocre offerings this evening by watching this classic. Richard Burton is wooden and robotic in this good guys vs. the Nazis flick, Clint Eastwood is fantastic and there's lots of cool explosions and Nazis getting shot and stuff. 8:00pm......

Holy jeebus my eyeballs are gonna fall out. There's about a 1/2 dozen series premieres and a 1/2 dozen season premieres tonight. Unfortnately the only new thing calling my name is the Bionic Woman (9:00pm NBC) but that's based on junior high school fantasies and not what I've seen so far of this show. Prime time offers such an overabundance of mediocrity I'm tempted to head off to TCM at 8:00pm and watch the......

Yesterday I was lucky enough to hang out with a real super hero - even if he just plays one on TV. Greg Grunberg, who plays Officer Matt Parkman on "Heroes", gave me a personal backstage tour, allowed me to view the taping of a scene with the adorable Adair Tishler, and treated me with access to the inner workings of the magical world of NBC's hottest show. We even spent some time with......

Will we be able to survive the onslaught of new shows and season premieres tonight? Will you succumb to the hype of Cane? I've been hearing about that one since the beginning of the year. Reaper, on the CW, is directed by Kevin Smith of Clerks fame. But for quality I'm probably going to have to stick with Damages, at 10pm on FX, since I haven't missed an episode yet and won't miss this one.......

A Word Or 78: Last night I didn't watch anything that I had listed or even Tivoed. I ended up watching "Monster In a Box" on IFC because I had the privelege of seeing Spalding Gray a couple times and there he was again on TV. Wile watching the movie I found it extraordinarily sad to both hear this amazing person talk about his mother's suicide as well as allude to committing suicide himself.......

One Minute Review: So Courteney Cox Arquette's new venture, 'Dirt', was, as Borat would say, "Dirt from anus". Also, did anyone catch Letterman last night? The first half of the show was devoted to jokes about Saddam's execution, including the Top Ten. I don't think it went over that well, except for maybe at the White House. Tonight - Wednesday - January 3rd, 2007 Blue Jackets @ Kings (Fox Sports, 7:30 p.m.) "Friday Night......

Female teachers who have had sex with their students, Oprah - 3pm (ABC) Channel 4 News Special - LAUSD: Battle for Control - 5pm (NBC) Dodgers @ San Diego Padres - 7pm (KCAL) Weeds "Cooking With Jesus" 7pm (Showtime) Gene Simmons Family Jewels "Food or Sex" - 7pm (A&E) "This is Paris" - the making of Paris Hilton's record - 10pm (VH-1) Prison Break, Season Premiere - 8pm (FOX) When the Levees Broke, parts......