One of the causes of hemorrhoids is increased intra-abdominal pressure - in other words, too much straining. With all the clenched assholes around USC and UCLA during their first games of the season, I certainly hope both programs have a healthy stock of Preparation-H. more ›

San Diego Padres defeat LA Dodgers 3-0. Even Petco Park couldn’t contain Ted Lilly who gave up his third career homer at Petco Park, the place where offense goes to die. It looked like Lilly would record only his second game in his last eight where he didn’t give up a home run. Then the sixth inning came around and blew that to hell. more ›

While there isn’t that much disparity between two 1-0 games, the ramifications were night and day to the two Los Angeles-area teams. First to the bankrupt team. Minnesota Twins defeat LA Dodgers 1-0. Dodgers’ starter Rubby De La Rosa gave up a leadoff triple to Ben Revere in the first inning. That was his only mistake which ended up scoring on Tsuyoshi Nishioka’s groundout. more ›

Minnesota Twins defeat LA Dodgers 6-4. After their 25-hit bonanza, the Dodgers came back down to reality. Sort of. They did manage four runs. They even got a homer from Aaron Miles in the fifth inning, his first since Sept. 16, 2008. more ›

It looked like bankruptcy served the Dodgers well on the field. They blasted the Twins with 15 runs and 25 hits in their second win ever in the Twin Cities. All nine starters recorded at least two hits, one run scored an one RBI in getting the most hits since they also hit 25 against the Angels on May 19, 2006. All outfielders had four hits with Matt Kemp a triple short of the cycle and Trent Oeltjen a double short of the cycle. more ›

Minnesota Twins defeat LA Angels 7-2. Angels’ starter Dan Haren’s (L, 8-12) propensity in giving up the long ball struck again when down 1-0 to the Twins he gave up a three-run homer to Jason Kubel in the third inning. The Angels only response was with runners on the corners ex-Twin Torii Hunter grounded into a double play that scored Alberto Callaspo. The Twins tacked on three more runs in the bottom of the fourth. The Angels despite getting seven hits off of Twins’ starter Brian Duensing (W, 7-1) only forced him to make 103 pitches in eight innings. Callaspo scored another run in the ninth inning, but it was too little too late. more ›

Denver Nuggets defeat LA Lakers 98-96. In hockey terms, Kobe Bryant was a healthy scratch for the Lakers. In media terms, TNT was crying. As for Laker fans, it almost turned out well. The Lakers climbed back from a 15 point deficit in the... more ›

Pittsburgh Pirates (2-0) defeat LA Dodgers (0-2) 4-3 (10 innings). Since PNC Park opened in 2001 the Dodgers cruised through going 23-7 until last season when they struggled going 1-3 at the end of the season while trying to clinch the NL West. It looks like those struggles have continued in this first series of the season. The Pirates didn’t care that Clayton Kershaw led the Majors with the lowest opponents’ slugging percentage with Garrett Jones hit another homer in the first inning with runners on first and second. While Kershaw didn’t give up another run, he had problems finding the strike zone running up his pitch count. The Dodgers responded in the fifth inning when Russell Martin hit a leadoff homer, the first for the Dodgers this season. After Rafael Furcal reached on an error, Matt Kemp drove him home with a double and Ethier knocked Kemp home with a single to tie the game. more ›

Minnesota Twins (1-1) defeat LA Angels (1-1) 5-3. Joe Saunders had been 10-1 in April with a 2.51 ERA. The Twins obviously didn’t really give a shit. Twins catcher Joe Mauer bashed a fast ball served to him down the middle out past the center field wall in the first inning with Orlando Hudson on to give the Twins a quick 2-0 lead. Delmon Young would hit a scoring fly ball that brought in Justin Morneau later in the inning for the 3-0 lead. Morneau would add a homer of his own in the third inning for a 4-0 lead which Angels center fielder Torii Hunter responded to with an RBI single in the bottom frame. After JJ Hardy homered to give the Twins a 5-1 lead, Hunter who was a triple shy of the cycle homered with Erick Aybar on base to bring the Angels to within two. Jon Rauch came in and got the save for the Twins, but it took 13 pitches Maicer Izturis and Aybar out after Brandon Wood struck out on three pitches. more ›

Pittsburgh Pirates (1-0) defeat LA Dodgers (0-1) 11-5. Vicente Padilla’s and George Sherrill’s bad spring extended into the first game of the regular season as the Dodgers were shelled by the Pirates in a sunny Pittsburgh. Pirate’s right fielder Garrett Jones feasted on Padilla hitting two homers in his first two at-bats: the first with Akinori Iwamura on first in the first inning that landed in the Allegheny River to tie the game at 2-2... more ›

LA Angels defeat Minnesota Twins 6-5 (10th inning). On the day the Angels unveiled the logo for next season's All Star Game being hosted at Angels Stadium, the Angels needed some extra to come from behind against the Twins. With Joan Jett in attendance, the Angels allowed Jason Kubel to ride roughshod over them. Kubel went 2-for-5 with three RBI in this game giving him 10 RBI in four games against the Angels. Jered Weaver would go seven innings plus one batter in the eighth inning giving up four runs on six hits and two walks. In the bottom of the ninth inning facing Twins closer Joe Nathan, the Angels dinked and dunked scoring twice to tie the game at five and give Nathan only his third blown save of the season. After Angels closer Brian Fuentes came in and pitched a perfect tenth, Mike Napoli hit a walkoff RBI single off of Jesse Crain in the home half of the inning. more ›

LA Dodgers defeat Colorado Rockies 3-1. The final game of their successful 10-game homestand ended with a well pitched game between Derek Lowe and the Rockie's Jorge de la Rosa. Lowe just gave up the one run in the first inning and went on to pitch 6 1/3 innings giving up four hits and two walks with seven strikeouts. Meanwhile the Dodger bats did just enough getting three runs on five hits and two generous errors given by the Rockies. The bullpen seemed to shore things up with Hong-Chih Kuo and Jonathan Broxton giving up two hits and getting five strikeouts combined. And get this. Manny Ramirez in his press conference when he first came to LA jokingly said that he would start stealing bases now that he was with the Dodgers. Well he came through on that promise stealing second standing up on what was supposed to be a hit-and-run play with Russell Martin at the plate. Whatever works. The Dodgers now go on the road for 10 games in 10 days at Philadelphia, Washington and Arizona. more ›

LA Galaxy defeat San Jose Earthquakes 2-0. The Galaxy still looked to be reeling from Sunday night's 4-0 loss against the Colorado Rapids when San Jose scored a goal in the second minute. Fortunately for the Galaxy the goal was waved off by an off-sides call, and the Galaxy went on to score two goals in the first half. David Beckham scored his first goal in the MLS in the ninth minute assisted by Landen Donavon and Donavon scored a goal in the 37th minute assisted by Beckham in the Galaxy's victory. more ›

Fuck Bill Plaschke. Fuck TJ Simers. Fuck the LA Times. Fuck Grady Little. Fuck Ned Colletti. Fuck Frank McCourt. Fuck Jeff Kent. Fuck the Dodgers. When I read Plaschke’s column Wednesday morning that basically put Matt Kemp in the hangman’s noose, my blood started to boil. How does he have the unmitigated gall to scapegoat Kemp and let the veterans have a free pass just because they have “experience”? This entire mess became public... more ›