Results tagged “malingering”

      

My whole life I have dreamed of a world where we did not need to wear pants. I find them to be uncomfortable and entirely unnecessary and I'd always hoped that we would reach a point when society stood up and said, "screw you, pants!" As I found, ladies and gentlemen, that day is today.

Spring is here in Los Angeles! To celebrate, I give you a series of Haikus.

 

I've been checking out college hoops at various bars, like The Parlor and Q's and Barney's Santa Monica, so I felt it only appropriate that I hit up another Santa Monica sports bar: Busby's. I went Saturday around 4pm to ensure I would get a great seat for the UCLA game at 6:30.

As some of you may well know, I am embarking on Malingering's Marvelous March Madness Sports Bar tour, so I thought I'd hit up one of the usual spots: Barney's Beanery in Santa Monica.

Los Angeles has always been populated by the dramatic and the attention-seeking. It's part of our culture, and that's why we don't seem to affected by those who wear their hearts on their sleeves. But what about the latest group of people, those who wear their thoughts on their ass?

I went to my 15th Tori Amos concert last night. I still remember the high school days of camping outside of Tower records at 7am on a Saturday morning to get tickets to the her shows, or that time I drove 3 hours in the snow to see her play in Boston on my 21st birthday. And then there was the time we got up at 6am to see her do a show in Central Park for Good Morning America. I even endured a full Alanis Morrissette concert in Vegas to see Tori play second in a double bill. Or there was that time in 1996 I stood in the rain for 2 hours in my L.L. Bean jacket waiting for her to sign autographs and take photos after the show.

I went to my introductory session with Andy Petranek one morning while taking a "sick day" at work. I had been searching for a gym that taught Crossfit, a special brand of fitness recommended to me by a friend. I e-mailed Andy to ask about the class schedule, and next thing I knew I was in my workout clothes and standing in the alley between 14th and 15th Streets in Santa Monica wondering what...

LAist was comped front row seats by the Dodgers due to Malingering being struck by a foul ball last week, and she came back with some great photos, and earlier made fun of 4th of July on Venice Beach. But the biggest stories of the week was that the Mayor's Hot Tamale was revealed, and that a Kwik-E-Mart was erected in Burbank. Phillyist was busy doing the Fourth of July up right, exercising their...

This may be the first time anyone has ever heard me say this, but last night the Dodgers lost and I still feel like a winner. My sheer joy was a gift from a generous benefactor who will be referred to as JC, not only because those are his initials but also because he is now holier than Christ himself. JC hooked us up with seats in the Dugout Club, which is where I...

I ended up at another bodybuilding competition. Or more correctly, once again I found myself at Venice Beach while a bodybuilding and figure competition was going on. I really should just get on their mailing list so I don't get caught off guard. Plus I keep missing the 'roided up women's bodybuilding competition, since this usually is first. The flip side to coming late is that sometimes the women are in the stands watching...

Tuesday, July 3rd the Dodgers celebrated a cumulative total attendance of 175,000,000 which is the highest of any sports franchise anywhere. To thank the fans in attendance, they gave all of us a free ticket to a game in the Phillies series (July 16-18), and then (augh) they started hurling autographed baseballs (175 of them) into the stands. Now as badly as I wanted one of these balls (I have yet to catch a...

Good news, everyone! The terrorists have not won. And in America, we have the freedom of expression, which people today use in various ways. Though the sun never came out, the section of America we call Venice Beach had a happy happy birthday. Here we will take a look at the people of Venice Beach and how they showed their patriotism on the 4th of July (beyond the $5 Old Navy flag t-shirt). Keep...

It's bad enough that I got hit by a line drive on Friday and have a nasty contusion on my hand. But then I sit through 12 innings only to watch Tomko lose the game. Tomko who is 1-6. Tomko who can turn a 6 run lead into a save opportunity (see Thursday's game). Last night hurt. It really did....

Because LAist loves you and loves the Dodgers, we thought it would be nice to give you some road trip action. Hooray for you. Okay, really I just had to escape LA for a while for fear of vengance from the Victoria's Secret Pink Army and thought Phoenix would be safe. I can blend in with all of the other out-of-town Dodger fans and no one will suspect a thing. Before I go into...

Namely, how did Victoria manage to brainwash 80% of the adolescents in LA into thinking that this is cool? The Pink line came out in 2004 and was geared toward college co-eds who like to flounce around the dorms in their pajamas. This would explain this idiotic "PHI BETA PINK" and "Pink University" crap. When I see this, my head nearly explodes with a deluge of unanswered questions. For example: Who buys this stuff? Some...

I'm a Dodger die-hard. It's in my blood. So I can't like the Angels. But do you know who I hate even more? That jackass who was sitting behind me at the game today. He and his Angel ass-kissing buddy did not stop speaking throughout the entire game. They seriously thought they were placed on this earth to be the walking and talking media guides and for three and a half hours they didn't...

Since it appears that some of my prior posts have infuriated readers enough to call me something along the lines of "a poison to society," I have come to realize that I must be extremely influential and powerful in my role of (as one person called me), "Queen of the Retards." Otherwise, people wouldn't be so upset, would they? They would shake their heads and say "moron" and click on one of the other,...

Saturday night was the 49th Annual Hollywood Stars game at Dodger Stadium. This has been a long-standing tradition at Dodger Stadium, beginning in 1958, the year the Dodgers came to Los Angeles. A few years back, they changed the game from baseball to softball, and they started letting people sit on the field to try to catch home runs. There used to be some reasonably famous people playing and Jon Lovitz and Billy Crystal...