After Saturday night’s spectacle at the Coliseum, I came away hearing the best joke. The public announcer said, “Now batting DH, Juan Pierre.” That was an even better joke than waiting a total of five hours in line for the charter buses from and to Dodger Stadium with my severely sciatica-afflicted left leg. I may be a little grumpy today since I didn’t get home from that game until 1 am, but there are a......

So the guys are in Vero Beach now, and now my sphincter pulsates in anticipation for March 31: Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. This spring training should prove very interesting despite Jeff Kent opening his yap. Here are some story lines to follow: Tommy Lasorda will manage eight exhibition games. While Joe Torre takes a split squad to Beijing to play the San Diego Padres on March 14 and 15, Lasorda will have the remaining......

I hesitantly went to the Dodger game against the Giants this past Friday. The only reason I went was because it was a fundraiser for my friend’s school. Thankfully the Dodgers won the game 8-3 which is a better result than the last several games I attended. But if you want me to remember anything about the game you’ve got me. Sadly the only memorable thing was seeing that High School Musical actorhomo being......

Fuck Bill Plaschke. Fuck TJ Simers. Fuck the LA Times. Fuck Grady Little. Fuck Ned Colletti. Fuck Frank McCourt. Fuck Jeff Kent. Fuck the Dodgers. When I read Plaschke’s column Wednesday morning that basically put Matt Kemp in the hangman’s noose, my blood started to boil. How does he have the unmitigated gall to scapegoat Kemp and let the veterans have a free pass just because they have “experience”? This entire mess became public......

After I declared the Dodger season over last week, they go and make me look like a complete asshole by winning the next four games in convincing fashion. But thanks to the Giants, I didn’t look like a complete asshole. As the Dodgers won game after game, the Giants tanked game after game against the wild card leading Padres. With each win instead of inching closer to the postseason, they were merely jogging on......

Cubs 8, Dodgers 2 - There goes that winning streak. The Blew Crew committed three errors, but only allowed one unearned run. That left an average of one earned for each of the seven pitchers used by Los Angeles. Juan Pierre was responsible for one of the errors, but also picked up his 55th stolen base of the year. A's 6, Angels 2 - Garret Anderson has been en fuego. He extended his RBI streak......

Guess who popped up with the Padres Tuesday? If you guessed Brett Tomko you would be right. Talk about tit for tat, the Padres acquired Tomko when he cleared waivers after being released by the Dodgers. If you remember, the Dodgers did the same when the bowling ball that is David Wells was released by the Padres. Collective dumpster diving much? Tomko, who had gotten the most boos at Dodger Stadium second to Barry......

The Dodgers are winning. They’ve won nine of their last 13 games crawling back to 4 ½ games within the NL West lead. It looks like a rosy picture, but I’m still not buying into it. The problem is the Dodgers are merely a singles-hitting team that can only run station-to-station. Of their 1,232 hits 225 are doubles (ranked 13th in the NL), 27 are triples (tied for 8th) and 96 are home runs......

The Dodgers hitters shortened up their swings. They were a bit more patient at the plate. They hit with runners in scoring position. And most importantly of all the Dodgers won a game! In fact Tubby got the first victory for a Dodger’s starting pitcher since July 26th when he posted a 5-4 at Colorado. Now Tubby didn’t have his best stuff. The Astros managed to get 10 hits off of him in six......

I know I said I wouldn't do a write up on this game, but what happened in the ninth inning just can't be left unsaid. Picture this. Andre Ethier doubled to right, and then moves to third on a wild pitch during Shea Hillenbrand's at bat. Hillie walks. Mark Sweeney hits a pinch-hit single that scores Andre Ethier. THE DODGERS SCORE ON A HIT WITH A RUNNER IN SCORING POSITION!!!! Dodger's are still losing......

I don't usually do a pre-write for a game, but since I won't be writing about the game tonight I just needed to put in my two cents. Nomar is sent to the DL with a strained left calf which means today is the start of the Shea Hillenbrand era. Excuse me if my optimism has died like my faith in the Democrats. To further muddle things, Grady inexplicably has put Juan Pierre back......

What will it take for the Dodgers to score a run? I’ll give Grady Little some credit in tweaking the lineup a little in Wednesday’s 1-0 loss to the Reds. Juan Pierre was the leadoff batter with Rafael Furcal hitting second. Andre Ethier was put in the fifth spot, and Luis Gonzalez was given the night off. But that’s about all the credit I’ll give him for now. Something that absolutely confuses me is......

Angels 10, Red Sox 4 - LAnaheim has won the first two games in a clash of baseball's best records. Gary Matthews, Jr. shone with 4 RBI, 3 runs, and 3 hits in five at-bats. He hit a homer in the 8th and robbed another from Boston's Coco Crisp. Joe Saunders allowed four runs on eight hits, but still got the win on just 5 and 1/3 innings of work thanks to a five run......

I don’t know what more needs to be asked of Brett Tomko. He went six innings and gave up five hits and an unearned run (thanks to Juan Pierre’s fielding error in the first inning) with only one walk and three strikeouts in Friday night’s 4-1 loss against the Mets. For a pitcher who a week ago had his confidence at an all-time low and decided to start pitching his cutter which he hasn’t......

The inning was like getting a proctology exam when you have a gigantic hemorrhoid. At least that’s what I said during the Padre’s six-run fourth inning that lasted about 45 minutes. Little did I know about Malingering’s incident with Luis Gonzalez’s foul ball which now makes me very thankful that my seats of choice are in the top deck. I guess you can say Viejito still has some pop in him. The Padre’s 7-6......

Monday night came news that Nomar Garciapopup would be the third baseman in the near future. Who knew the near future meant Tuesday? Nomar felt he was ready for third base duties and in he went, however that wasn’t the end of it. Grady Little also moved Nomar from third in the hitting lineup to sixth. And just what did Nomar do? With Russell Martin on second and Luis Gonzalez on first with two......

Which team has the best record in the National League? Two teams share this distinction: the Milwaukee Brewers and the Los Angeles Dodgers. Yes, the same Los Angeles Dodgers team I ripped in my last post has the best record in the National League. Actually I take that back. This is not the same team I ripped the other day. In Friday’s 6-3 win against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Grady Little posted this......

Angels 9, Cardinals 3 - Ervin Santana needed 115 pitches to get through just 6 innings, and his 3 earned runs over six innings was actually a major improvement over his season ERA. The Halo's offense ensured that none of that mattered, piling up the runs early and often with 18 total hits. They had seven hits and four RBI from just the 1-2 hitters (Chone Figgins and Orlando Cabrera). Blue Jays 1, Dodgers 0......

One can speculate a number of reasons, but the actual reason is because he's fucking hilarious. This is Juan at Dodgers photo day. While the pitchers walked around in a little clique and waved and Nomar was shooed along by security, Mr. Pierre was the life of the party. He was dancing and posing and making his GQ sexy face. When we asked him why he was walking around with his pants over his......

Drunk Buss Driver - Laker owner Jerry Buss was popped for a DUI yesterday in Carlsbad. There are a lot of questions yet to be answered: Who was the 23 year old girl he was with? Why would a baller like Buss be driving a station wagon? Will Kobe's demands to bring back Jerry West be fulfilled? Hmmm, maybe this little ordeal was just to distract us from that last question. Dodgers 10, Nationals 0......

Being a natural born cynic, this is hard to say and even harder to do. But the Dodgers did played a 5 hour long game on Sunday and pulled off a win over the Padres, so I will try to hide my disappointment about getting killed 9 to 1 on Monday night by the Diamondbacks, who are now up on the Dodgers by half a game.......

The Dodgers were swept. I was also yelled at by 3 traffic cops on my way to the stadium. Juan Pierre missed the sign for the squeeze. I had to look at Barry Bonds. Nomar represented the tying run with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th and he struck out to end the game on his own bobblehead night. I don't really want to talk about it right now. So instead I offer......

Clippers 103, Suns 99 - The sun hasn't set on the Clipper's playoff hopes yet. Los Angeles surprised Phoenix, who played their regular starters despite a lock on the #2 seed in the West. The Clippers need to beat New Orleans (a/k/a Oklahoma City) on Wednesday and root for Portland to beat Golden State. That scenario would tie them with the Warriors at .500. The teams split their season series, but the Clippers would advance......

The Dodger’s 2-1 victory over the Rockies Tuesday night was a marked improvement over Monday’s game. I missed the first inning and didn’t get to see Hammster (Nomar Garciaparra) hit a single to drive in My Boyfriend, but Brett Tomko pitched one hell of a game for his first outing of the season. He toyed with the Rockies’ hitters to strike out nine, allowing one hit and no runs. He should have had the......

Brad Penny is the man of my dreams. Ok not really, but any man who can pitch seven scoreless innings to beat the San Francisco Giants 2-1 on the road deserves a little nookie, right? He got the win despite giving up 10 hits which is unusual for the power pitcher who relies on getting strikeouts (he only got one K). I’ve never seen the fiery Penny so in control of his off-speed pitches.......

The Dodgers really know how create drama. After taking a 5-1 lead in the eighth inning, relief pitcher Rudy Seanez* loaded the bases giving up consecutive singles to Johnny Estrada, Geoff Jenkins and Kevin Mench with one out. Closer Takashi Saito came into the game at that point and managed to get out of the inning with a 5-3 lead after giving up a two-run double to Craig Counsell. As if that wasn’t enough......

Well after two games, there's sure a lot to wallow in. New acquisitions Luis Gonzalez and Juan Pierre are 0-for-15. Starting pitchers Derek Lowe and Randy Wolf have combined for a not-so-stellar 9.00 ERA in 10 innings. And Rafael Furcal remains mired on the disabled list with a sprained ankle (not necessarily the best of injuries for a speedy lead-off hitter). However, as Rocky Balboa mentioned to Clubber Lang repeatedly in the third round......

The baseball off-season creates a brewing anticipation that crescendos to the molto-fortissimo of Opening Day. Before I start waxing poetic about the Dodgers, I'll present to you a list of facts about the changes to the team in this off-season: * Right fielder J.D. Drew, reneging on his word, declined his option on his contract and ended up signing with the Boston Red Sox. The Princess (as T.J. Simers of the LA Times called......

Every night around midnight LAist will tell you what went down the day before in the world of LA sports Since both the Lakers and Clippers are off today, as they prepare to square off against each other tomorrow night, let's turn our attention on the Blue Crew. Today the Dodgers signed Nomar to $18.5 million for two years of fun. They are also close to signing Juan Pierre to $45 million for four years......

The rookie has seven homers in 45 at-bats, including a pinch-hit homer last night in San Diego. Why was it a pinch-hit homer? Because for some reason when you have six homers in 44 at-bats it's not good enough to get in the lineup if you're on the division-leading Dodgers. Los Angeles lost last night to San Diego 5-3, mainly due to the handiwork of the Padre rookie pitcher, who only allowed three hits......