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You Want Portishead? We've Got Portishead! Come Get a Pair of Tickets to their Private Rehearsal

Photo provided by artist

As mentioned late Friday, Portishead, who seldom comes to the U.S. these days to perform, is holding an exclusive rehearsal on Thursday, April 24th from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. before they hit Coachella... and LAist is giving away five pairs of tickets, compliments of the good people at FILTER. It's at a location we cannot disclose yet, but it is in the Los Angeles area.

In the past, we've run contests where to enter, you had to give us a tip in the comments section about Downtown. Well, since Coachella is coming up, we want your best tips about partying, sleeping, eating, traveling, etc in regards to Coachella. If you've never been, it's called the internet and we're sure you have some friends who have been before, so bleed them for info.

We have five pairs of tickets to give away to this special intimate rehearsal, so chances are higher than usual than with other LAist contests. Here are the rules:

You must comment once (double commenting will disqualify you) with a tip about Coachella on this post (see above for ideas, make your comment below).
You must be able to provide your own transportation to the secret unannounced location (seriously, people from Texas better stop entering these contests if they are not going to be in town).
Contest ends Thursday, April 17th at 11:59:59 p.m. All comments must be posted before then.
Winners will be e-mailed at the e-mail address attached to their LAist profile. If you win, you must be able to confirm on Friday, April 18th, on or before 11:59:59 p.m., by an e-mail reply stating that you are able to go to the Portishead rehearsal. Otherwise, the tickets will be released to another winner.

Good luck everyone!

LAist Inbox: $200 Ticket for Smoking on a Burbank Sidewalk?

Photo by marcbenton via Flickr

On LAist's "Contribute" page, there are three ways you can participate: submit a link, join the LAist Featured Photos group on Flickr or leave us an anonymous tip. And one reader did more just leave a tip, he submitted an entire rant. It's a good rant and it raises good questions regarding policing for sidewalk smokers, local economies and police resources:

Last month I was in downtown Burbank for an evening out with family, after dinner I stepped outside the restaurant and lit up a cigarette. Moments later my Girlfriend and I were approached by two police officers on bicycles, and cited for smoking a cigarette in a public area.
When the cops rode up on us, they said "Did you know you can't smoke here in downtown Burbank?" we politely said "No" and extinguished our lit cigarettes. Allow me to add, I am nearly 30 years old, I pay my taxes, I obey speed limits and I can't remember the last time I intentionally vandalized private property. I am an adult, as an adult I take certain liberties, one of which is enjoying a post dinner cigarette instead of simple warning, we issued tickets that cost us $200 each. While awaiting my arraignment, two people plead guilty to misdemeanor marijuana possession, and received a $280 fine. So, I could smoke an illegal substance, or a legal product, and receive roughly the same punishment.We live in nearby North Hollywood and frequent many shops, restaurant, gas stations, and bars in the Burbank area, or should I say we used to. I, along with anyone who I know will now avoid the city all costs.

Now, I understand all the risks and health issues that are associated with cigarette smoking, yet this law is solely an attempt by the city of Burbank to collect an obscene amount of money. While in court today, there were six other people issued the same fine.

If I lit a cigarette inside a bar or restaurant and received a ticket, it would be understandable, a new law that is not close to common knowledge should not be enforced to this extent. A simple warning would be sufficient.

If I were a business owner in Burbank I would be furious, and frightened, not to say all people who eat dinner and go to bars smoke, but a good majority of folks enjoy a cigarette if they have a few drinks, or a big meal.

This will effect the local Burbank economy in several ways, they have already collected $400 from my household, but I assure you the thousands I may have spent on a myriad of products will now never happen.

I truly believe the police officers have better things to do than write tickets to adults for smoking a cigarette. The officers took roughly 20 minutes to write us these tickets, if you count the 6 other people cited the same night, that's over two and half hours of time that could have been spent patrolling the streets for people actually committing crimes.

It's not right, we should all be outraged that our tax dollars pay the cops salaries to address these types of "crimes."

Irksome and Insufferable: The Ten Most Annoying Singers

Last week, the attention of LAist's family of contributors was directed to Yahoo Music blog List of the Day, and an entry called The Ten Most Annoying Singers. Now normally, we love lists like this. Not only do we get to vent our seething jealousy of the success of idiots, but much needed schadenfreude washes over us like an embittered baptism.

Now, no disrespect to Rob O'Connor (who frankly has a job we'd love), but this particular list is crap. Not his fault mind you - lists like this are problematic because there's a tendency to fill 'em with easy targets. Inoffensive has-beens (Celine Dion, Michael Bolton), played out references (Scott Stapp, Bright Eyes), or dodgy WTFs that seem awfully calculated to avoid insulting someone with greater popularity (Lily Allen? Really? I'm sure cough*Amy Winehouse*cough there's someone more annoying. Right.) But even though there's justification, the list could have been far more accurate. Well, knowing, as they say, is half the battle and LAist, being fully knowledgeable about how NOT to go about insulting famous strangers, cannot let this pass.

Here then, based on sturdy, scientific calculations, is our List of the Ten Most Annoying Singers. Enjoy, and if curious, read on to learn how we arrived at our decisions...So how did we reach our decisions?

Well, determining who makes the cut, and who doesn’t, is the most important part of the process. To make certain that this list of the most annoying singers was as accurate as possible, and to eliminate easy targets, I decided that to qualify, a contending singer had to meet at least two of the following 7 annoyance criteria, each named after the annoying, insufferable assholes who inspired the rule:

1) The Whitney& Bobby: Too much money, long past prime, self indulgent asshole.
2) The Prince: Hugely influential yet somehow completely insufferable.
3) The Lennon: Magically rendered immune to criticism because of political views, no matter how lame music is.
4) The Strokes: Recipient of massive acclaim who acts like a total douche-bag.
5) The Mariah: Obvious Studio Creation who appeared seemingly out of nowhere, became instantly ubiquitous, and is a fucking idiot.
6) The Elvis: Has absolutely no self control, is a sociopath, and yet somehow garners underserved sympathy as body slowly begins to resemble soul.
7) The Vanilli Ice: Entire image/back-story/talent is a fraud, and they’re still a dick about it.

This list not only eliminates lazy targets like Michael Bolton, but also protects the fragile ecosystem of smaller artists who, while certainly annoying, are only just beginning to realize their annoyance potential. This ensures that such annoyance will grow as nature intended, without artificial fertilization, and without being over-harvested, ensuring that future generations will be just as annoyed as we are.

Photo Credits: Amy Winehouse (mikeakelly), Akon (AP Photo/Tracy Brand), Axel Rose (polline), Ryan Adams (6tee-zeven), Pete Wentz/Ashlee Simpson (angela n.), Fergie (orensanz), Morrisey (vivahate), Mickey Avalon (Oscalito), Sia (decor8), Obama Girl (Via Obama Girl's MySpace)

Greatest First Inning to Start, Worst Jerk-off to Finish

Tonight's Dodger game was amazing in so many ways. The emotions ran high, ranging from the elation of witnessing Matt Kemp's grand slam to top off a 10 run first inning, the fear and helplessness of watching umpire Kerwin Danley get hit in the head by one of Penny's pitches, and then the absolute anger and frustration that I personally experienced sitting in front of the most annoying fucktard ever.

Sometime around the 5th inning, I started to get pelted with popcorn by this fucker. It was sticking to my hair and falling down my back. So naturally, I turned around and told him to stop. This shouldn't be difficult for a grown man to understand. However his little friend (next photo) said "but he's throwing it and I'm eating it.... so stop looking at me!"

"Okay, then stop throwing popcorn and I won't have to turn around."

"But I want to eeeeaaaaat it! I'm going to catch it and eeeeeeeeaaaaat it!"

"You're not going to eat it out of my shorts, and that's where it's landing."

"Eeeew, you're right! Eeeeeew!"

"Okay, then stop throwing the fucking popcorn."

At this point the fucktard offers some very helpful advice: "Shut up and watch the game, lady!"

I am completely bewildered by his kindness and consideration. "Okay then stop throwing your fucking popcorn at me."

He responds with some medical wisdom: "You need to chill out...go smoke a bowl!"

At this point even my parents are irritated, and his attempts at making friends are clearly wearing thin. "OKAY, I WILL CHILL OUT WHEN YOU STOP THROWING YOUR POPCORN AT ME!"

Since he'd just used his clever marijuana line on me and had run out of retorts, he starts shouting (again), "Just turn around and watch the game!"

At this point I just turned around and glared, figuring he'd get worked up enough that he'd leave to go smoke a bowl and then next thing I know, dirty feet girl (photo 3) is whining again.

"STOP LOOKING AT MEEEEEEE!" The poor girl was near tears as the only functioning neuron she has left was overloaded with yelling, beer and popcorn throwing. "I don't like how you're looking at meeeee!"

At this point even my mom is pissed off, as they all start mocking us with their popcorn throwing. The interesting part is that they weren't even throwing the popcorn at me on purpose, but got angry when I pointed out that it was hitting me. And the best part is, of course, that the jerk who yelled at me and called me names asked me to take his picture. Clearly he didn't know what the fate of that digital file would be.So now I will sit here at the computer and eagerly await all comments like "it was a Saturday night and people are drunk, you're a sexless prude who doesn't know how to have fun" or "having popcorn in your hair is part of being at a baseball game, have you even been to Dodger Stadium before?" And then I will laugh, because if people like you didn't exist I'd have no one to write about.

all photos by malingering

Eye Nosh: Thai Steak Salad at F.O. II

Some of us at LAist were among the first to take a bite (and a sip or two!) at the new Father's Office II in the Helms Bakery building. LAist Featured Photos pool contributor pink_fish13 also couldn't resist, but opted for this tasty looking twist on a steak salad instead of one of the Office's legendary burgers. Thoughts on the dish: "It was spicy and delicious!"

Father's Office II
3229 Helms Avenue, Los Angeles 90034
(310) 736-2224

Eye Nosh: There's Hot Dog Somewhere Under That

"I cannot even begin to describe the ecstasy involved in the consumption of this greasy food product," Marshall Astor said of his Chili Dog from the Original Tommy's on Rampart. It is "like God's own Chili Dog."

Submit your 'Eye Nosh' food photos and mini-reviews to LAist via LAist Featured Photos on Flickr.

Getting Closer to the Westside: Subway, Bus, Aerial, Nothing?

There are two more meetings left (one tonight, one on Monday) for the third round of public meetings with Metro regarding the Westside Extension, often noted as the "subway to the sea." At the last set of meetings, 17 alternatives were proposed which have been honed down to five alternatives being presented this week. What survived was underground heavy rail and one robust rapid bus system. What didn't was at grade trains and aerial transit.

In regards to elevated rail, Metro says they are not opposed to it (after all, Gold and Green lines use it), but they do not think it works well in the Wilshire and Santa Monica corridors. The carrying capacity is lower and its effects on pedestrians and the street scape are too overwhelming for it to be plausible to be built.

And in the end, the public response has been much on the side of the subway than anything else. Besides the rapid bus alternative (think on-street bus lanes, not an Orange Line busway), the four subway alternatives are as such:

The classic Wilshire Blvd. straight shot to the sea with possible deviations in Century City and Westwood Village.
A more topsy-turvy Wilshire Blvd. route that would hit such destinations as the Farmer's Market/Grove and Cedars Sinai. It could add more travel time and cost, but also increase ridership.
All stand alone Santa Monica Blvd. routes were eliminated, but they were still kept it in the picture by combining it with the Wilshire route. One of the combined alternatives takes a transfer point at Hollywood/Highland heading down Santa Monica Blvd and maybe turning south on La Cienega or San Vicente, eventually catching up with the Wilshire alignment that drifts off Wilshire (above #2).
The last combined alternative takes the classic Wilshire straight shot proposal and mixes it with the Santa Monica alignment.

After this set of community meetings, Metro will continue to work and evaluate the routes before presenting a recommendation to the Metro Board in the Fall. As for another community meeting? Expect to see one coming near the end of the summer, possibly by Labor Day.

It should be noted that Metro is required to consider a no-build or a transit system maintenance alternative (lots of buses).

Fun Facts: In March, Metro hit a record number of Red Line weekday average boardings at 144,000. That's the highest it has been since July of 2001, when it was around 147,000. The average weekday boardings for the 2006-07 fiscal year was 120,196.

Pinkberry's Dirty Little Secret Revealed

Pinkberry Pinkberry, the most hated and revered fro-yo chain. Are you pinkberry or are you stinkberry? Are you good for me or bad? There's been so much Pinkberry news lately, it's tough to keep track of it all.

Here's the timeline of events:

Pinkberry becomes wildly popular - so popular, many begin to wonder about its oddly addictive qualities and the big question finally gets asked: just what the hell is this I'm eating?
Pinkberry is slapped with a lawsuit, as a customer claims their fro-yo concoction is more fro, less yo. The suit alleges that Pinkberry is not frozen yogurt at all - that is is not healthy, that it is not all-natural and that it is not non-fat.
Pinkberry denies these claims, but agrees to pay $750,000 to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank, a food collection agency and to Paras Los Niños, a nonprofit family service organization, plus $5,000 and legal fees to the woman who filed suit.
As part of the lawsuit Pinkberry reveals their ingredients and the big scary question is finally answered. Just what the hell are you eating? Propylene glycol esters, guar gum, Yellow 5 Lake, monodiglycerides, sodium citrate, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, lactoglyceride and a bunch of other unsavory chemicals which are now listed in their full glory at Pinkberry's website.
Just when we're beginning to regret all those late night Pinkberry visits and the bold pronouncement of our dirty little secret, the National Yogurt Association adds a twist to the story by declaring that Pinkberry is yogurt after all. Despite that nasty list of chemicals recently revealed, the frozen concoction contains the fro-yo holy grail: live & active cultures. A technicality, maybe, but it turns out Pinkberry is both fro and yo.

Good thing we've recently kicked our Pinkberry addiction and found a new one: Cefiore tempered with a dash of Red Mango. We've not heard back from Cefiore on their list of ingredients (their website reveals little), but Red Mango has also received the National Yogurt Association's stamp of yogurt approval.

Yet all this talk of chemicals and manufactured food products - on Earth Day no less - has us thinking about the larger impact of such fake foods on our environment, on our bodies. Whatever happened to actual yogurt? We're thinking that's a much better bet. You?

Previously:
Is Pinkberry Fakeberry?
Pinkberry + Starbucks+ $27.5 Million = Kiss of Death
Pinkberry: What's the Big Deal?
My Dirty Little Secret: I Love Pinkberry

Photo by e.t. via Flickr

No You Didn't! City Proposes To Add Street Sweeping Zones to Ticket More People

Here's one simple step on how to lose a city's morale and trust of city government, via Kerry Cavanaugh at the Daily News:

The council discussed adding scheduled street sweeping to 8,600 miles of city streets. By installing signs that indicate "no parking" during scheduled street-sweeping times, the city could establish regular, more effective sweeping - and, potentially, earn $20 million by ticketing cars parked during sweeping times.
"We have a lot of opportunity in the street-cleaning arena to provide a lot of service and provide some additional revenue as well," said Bureau of Street Services General Manager Bill Robertson.

The reason for this idea is the $406 million shortfall in the city's budget. The city of Los Angeles figure out the budget by cutting services and finding revenue sources. This should not be one of them. If this particular idea of increased street sweeping service was actually needed, then it would have been done a long time ago. But announcing this now only begets more cynics on parking enforcement. When someone says, "Tickets are only a way to create money for city hall," you can't fight that statement anymore, because now it's true.

Other revenue generating ideas include raising parking meter fees, a 911 surcharge, increased parking and traffic violation ticket fees, voluntary emergency medical fees, sales tax increase, transient occupancy tax increase (basically, a hotel tax) and an increase in document transfers for real estate.

Photo by lennonisgod via Flickr

NoHo Arts District gets its Vegan Restaurant Too

The block on Vineland between Otsego and Hesby is turning into a nice eclectic group of storefronts, even if there are only three. Starting to the north, there is a random Pirate store. Next to that, a fairly new hookah lounge. And then there is Lotus Vegan, which opened last week with a chef from Vegan Express who decided to go on her own. You'll recognize the menu as it is similar too all those staple vegan Thai restaurants around town, but it's good to know the NoHo Arts District gets one too.

The menu is large and goes beyond Asian fare, featuring breakfast burritos and pancakes, warps, veggie burgers and even a quesadilla. There is nothing over $8.00 except for dinner specials.Lotus Vegan
5038 Vineland Avenue
NoHo Arts District, CA 91601

Current Hours: 11 a.m. -- 10 p.m.
Telephone: 818.760.8088

Father's Office II in Culver City Opens Tonight*

Hey, there, beer fans! The word is out on the street, Father's Office II in Culver City finally opens its doors tonight! You heard me. Rumors say 5pm.

Our coverage of the preview party probably left you wanting more but starting tonight you get to see it for yourself, taste the gastropub fare goodness for yourself, choose from what looks to be a gazillion beers on tap and guzzle, I mean, savor, for yourself.

LAist news editor Andy Sternberg and I are heading over tonight to scope it out. Hopefully a three-times-larger space than the Santa Monica Father's Office means we don't have to wedge ourselves in.

Meet us there!

*UPDATE #2: The doors officially opened at 6:08 p.m. Bob the bartender is not on today but they do have Craftsman Carbernale!

*UPDATE #1: Take your time, there is a delayed opening tonight while unspecified equipment is repaired in the back of FO2. What this has to do with the beer that I can already taste I have no idea. Currently 15-20 people are waiting at the entrance (see photo), latest word is the doors may open by 6:30. Stay tuned!

Father's Office II
3229 Helms Avenue
Los Angeles, California 90034 (map)
(310) 736-2224

Additional reporting by Andy Sternberg. Photos: Carrie Meathrell (top), Andy Sternberg (bottom).

Photo Essay: Americana At Brand

Love it or hate it, Rick Caruso's $400 million, 15.5 acre Super-Grove opened this morning in Glendale. The open-aired shopping mecca boasts over 75 retail stores, a wide variety of eateries, and one heck of a fountain. It's the perfect place to spend an afternoon people-watching, listening to piped-in Sinatra and downing Beard Papa cream puffs, while secretly cursing Capitalism and referring to the retail monstrosity as "Genericana".

They Say the Earthquake is Likely to Strike...

75 years ago: Long Beach earthquake | Photo by Jan Bruce, great aunt of LAist Featured Photos contributor victoriabernal

Did ABC's Eli Stone and the U.S. Geological Survey collaborate to put us all on an earthquake watch today? Last night's episode of the San Francisco based "visionary" drama, where Stone's brain aneurism causes him to see the future, was about a giant earthquake hitting the bay city causing the Golden Gate bridge to collapse in the middle.

Then today, reports of the big one hitting Los Angeles are all over the papers:

California faces an almost certain risk of being rocked by a strong earthquake by 2037, scientists said today in the first statewide temblor forecast.
New calculations reveal there is a 99.7 percent chance a magnitude 6.7 quake or larger will strike in the next 30 years. The odds of such an event are higher in Southern California than Northern California, 97 percent versus 93 percent. [LA Times]

Since stakes are so high, the question is, how prepared are you? This Saturday is annual and pretty large Santa Clarita Emergency Expo where you can experience a quake on the "Quake Walk" and free Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) classes with the fire department begin two weeks from now. At the very least, you should have some water stored up. A good practice is ten gallons per person in the household (don't forget some for the pets) switched out every six month and never stored directly on concrete (chemicals leech through the plastic and poison the water).

If you have any earthquake questions, ask below and we'll ask our emergency preparedness expert friends for you and publish it here. In the meantime, check out an interview with LAFD's Captain Stacy Gerlich of the Disaster Preparedness CERT Unit.

East LA Taco Trucks are Staying Put

A taco truck, not in East LA, but Echo Park | Photo by Zach Behrens/LAist

There are over 4,000 taco trucks in Los Angeles County and those that do business in the unincorporated part of East Los Angeles are engaged in a "little war," according to Gloria Molina in the LA Times.

Citing "unfair competition," restaurants say the mobile dining options are forcing their businesses to close early and lose a customer base due to the truck's cheaper prices and accessibility. Currently, the law lets trucks sit for a half hour before moving to another location. If violated, the fine is $60 -- and that's if police have the time to take action and if the taco truck cares or just considers it a cost of doing business (it's pretty cheap rent if you think about it).

Yesterday, the LA County Board of Supervisors unanimously passed a law that changes the idle sitting time to a whole hour, but also increases the fine to $1000 and/or jail time. Essentially, parking over the time limit is a misdemeanor for some. The law covers all unincorporated parts of the county, not just East LA where the issue was brought forth from. Taco trucks say they ain't budging.

Photo Essay: Father's Office II on Opening Night

Last night Father's Office II in ~~Culver City~~* Los Angeles finally opened to the thirsty and hungry, but mostly thirsty, masses. It was supposed to be a soft opening but word got out and the bar/restaurant filled up right quick. A line formed outside the front door but patrons who finally made it in said the wait wasn't too bad, just about 15 minutes.

The door guys kept the restaurant at an uncrowded level. No sardined patrons here, thank goodness! And the sound levels, even with the sound system and diners' chatter, were surprisingly low. Unlike how it is at the SaMo FO where the closed quarters and high decibel levels mean everyone has to choose between not talking at all or shouting themselves hoarse. Here, I was able to have nice conversations with Andy and my neighboring diners.

LAist Editor Zach Behrens had asked us to put "veggie burgers" in the FO 2 suggestion box, but Larry the bartender stopped us before we could try. Apparently veggie burgers and the like don't fit in at Father's Office. Sorry, Zach. Yes, Daddy likes his meat, i.e. bistro steak ($16), spicy oatmeal stout ribs ($13), and smoked eel ($10) in addition to the much beloved Office burger ($12).

Also it seems that Daddy doesn't like vodka as FO 2, in addition to beer and wine, serves only armagnac/cognac, gin, whiskey/bourbon/scotch and tequila. There are also five "F.O.rgotten Cocktails" ($9-$12) available for those who require a strong drink at the end of a hellish day at work -- Office Martini, Manhattan, Side Car, Negroni and Aviation.

But last night was a blast. LAist News Editor Andy Sternberg and I ended up spending about five hours sitting at our little corner of the bar, watching several sports games on TV, chatting with the folks who showed up to the opening (which included Mark, beer god and owner of Craftsman, and some LAist readers), sipping and guzzling several cocktails and beer pints and chomping on our food (Andy got the Bistro Steak and I got the Office Burger).

Oh yes, I will most definitely be back. I still have 70 beers and three cocktails to try!

Father's Office II
3229 Helms Avenue
Los Angeles, California 90034 (map)
(310) 736-2224

* Fun Fact: The Los Angeles/Culver City border actually runs right through the Helms Bakery building. The city line runs East/West halfway between Venice and Washington Blvds.

Another Dumb California Law

You may or may not be aware of a new state law that went into effect on January 1, 2008. We were reminded of this a couple days ago, driving west on Santa Monica Blvd. in Beverly Hills.

Effective Jan 2008 / No smoking allowed / Inside a vehicle / When a Minor is with you

This is important and effective legislation because -- why?!? It is often laughable how the term "liberal" applies to the California legislature not as a derivative of liberty, but more literally, as the over-zealous tendency to invent superfluous laws of little societal or governmental relevance.

Why not just outlaw cigarettes altogether, or impose a steeper tax. Is there really any point in pulling over a suspected smoker and then carding the passenger all for a total possible fine of $100? Allowing California to fall into deepening deficit (at $8 billion and expected to double) is what should be illegal, not whether or not one smokes cigarettes (or crack or tigerlily extract) in your house, your car, or in the presence of minors.

Really, California, our federal government is helpless enough as it is. Can't we at least be purpose-driven in our own state?

Anonymous Protests in Hollywood & Downtown

While a worldwide Anonymous protest is scheduled for Saturday, May 10 (Update: see photos from May 10 here), a small group of hardcore Anonymous protestors took to the streets Monday both in Hollywood at the Church of Scientology Office of Special Affairs and then Downtown at the United States District Court, Roybal Federal Building. Downtown, Anonymous lawyer Graham Berry was the subject to a deposition by Scientology lawyers. According to Anonymous members via e-mail, Graham Berry successfully represented Anonymous member Sean Carasov (read his story here), who was subject to a false police report (and subsequent charge) issued by the Church for Criminal Threats.

LAist Photographer Tom Andrews took to the streets to see what was up with Anonymous. Here is what he saw:

Dodgers vs. Pirates: A Photo Gallery

The first inning of last night's Dodger game was one of the best 1st innings I have ever witnessed. Besides watching the boys in blue light up Maholm and score 4 runs on him in the bottom of the 1st, Juan Pierre also pulled off a very close bunt single and Matt Kemp slipped and slid between 2nd and 3rd base: the first fall caused him to get stuck in a run down, the second fall allowed him to avoid the tag and creep over to 3rd base to eventually score. After that I was pretty much dizzy from all of the yelling and laughing I did, so the rest is sort of a blur. Doesn't matter, the Dodgers won it in the first, threw some icing on the cake in the second with Rafi's home run, and then slapped on two runs in the bottom of the 7th to pour salt in the Buc's wounds. Dodgers won 8-1. Here's the box score, if you're interested. And here are a few photos:all photos by malingering, super special for LAist of course

Every City Has Its Mysteries

It started, as many good things do, with the internet. In the early aughts (what all the cool kids are calling the ‘00s these days), a group of people assembled in an imaginary space to collect and trade cheesecake photos taken in the late nineteen forties to the early nineteen sixties. As the site describes it, this is not pornography; it is “young ladies in various modest states of undress.” (Though let’s not fool ourselves, my conservative grandparents, raising their children contemporaneously in New Jersey would have considered these girls fallen, and trashy. Still, in the tide of starlets who “accidentally” leak their amateur porn and nudie photographs and the press that both hounds and glorifies them, these pictures seem charming and innocent.)

Taken by amateur photographers, spurred to join clubs by the invention of the Stereo Realist Camera, some ended up in magazines, others in private collections. Betty Page did this kind of modeling (though she is not in any of the pictures that concern us.) These clubs liked to photograph outside, in interesting locations.

Our intrepid internet collectors found themselves intrigued by these places, many of which had distinctive features. One in particular captivated them. It was a pool, secured into a hillside with a view of the San Fernando Valley in the background. The pool was surrounded by strange loop de loops of white cement and extravagantly colored tiles, but its most distinctive feature was the mosaic that adorned a retaining wall above the pool. It depicted a large spider in its web, a tiny blip of a hornet caught off to the side. They began comparing photos, especially their backgrounds, to pick out the features that would help them to figure out where the photos were taken.By November, 2004, they had come up with a triangle of likely territory and a couple of locals to confirm the location. Using a telescope, these explorers saw the spider on the retaining wall. It was on some vacant land, wedged in-between properties. They hiked up a empty lot to get to it.

What they found was very different from the glorious pictures they had seen. The pool had been removed entirely, due to instability, leaving only a grassy bowl of land near the spider mosaic. Though the white background had been washed away, there was enough contrast to see that the spider, the web and most of the tiles surrounding it were still whole. It was cause for celebration.

But what is the Spider Pool? We know about its afterlife, as a ruin and photography club location, but where did it come from?

Records of Jack McDermott in Los Angeles date back to his family’s selling dry goods, fresh from the east in 1914. Jack, like any young man in a boomtown, looked to the new movie industry to find his destiny. He started as an actor, but eventually moved behind the camera, with a company of actors of his own. He made several silent films, including Sky Pilot, Dinty and Midnight Madness (he later eschewed directing for writing, where his credits include Blonde or Brunette, Stranded in Paris and The Fifty-Fifty Girl.

As his career blossomed, he wanted more than living in a downtown boarding house with other movie types. Eventually he decided that the place for him to build was the bucolic Hollywood Hills. By 1923, he had settled on a pre-1900 foundation. He conscripted set pieces, most notably from the Norma Talmadge flick, Song of Love, which he hauled up into the hills with donkeys and put the house together himself. (Which leaves this writer to suppose that sets were more substantial than they are now, when it seems like just a little moisture will do them in.) It is believed that the swimming pool area (swimming pools were the height of fashion in post WWI LA) was developed at this time. It was built on the crest of the ridge, up several stairs (and possibly a secret passage) up from the house itself.

Beyond the Algerian style pieces, he pilfered from other sets, including the sets of The Thief of Baghdad and The Phantom of the Opera. The result was a long, ramshackle dwelling that combined many different styles, not only Algerian, but also Navajo, Moroccan, and Egyptian. The Spider House turned up in numerous magazines, often described as a “crazy house,” a place of debauchery and wonder, full of secret passages, fishponds and even a fake cemetery complete with skulls made of chalk.

In 1929, McDermott’s career wound down. Talkies were all the rage and it seemed that he couldn’t gain any purchase as the industry changed. He wrote some minor plays, had some things optioned for features and traveled the world. None of it seemed to make him very happy. He was living in the house in 1946 when he accidentally overdosed on pills. He was dead at 53. He’d left scores of movies and a wonder of a house behind him.

In short order, the house burned in a fire, though there are records of people living there after that time. The photographers came and went. Kids moved in to squat and throw parties – much to the consternation of the surrounding neighborhood. In 1958, a man bought the property to try to restore it, but couldn’t get it up to code and was prohibited from having a driveway. The property was abandoned in 1962 and dismantled by the city.

I found out about the Spider Pool while roaming the internet one day. Just a line about its discovery. I wanted to see what it looked like, so I followed a link down the rabbit hole. Not only is the iconography – the spider, the wasp, the gorgeous tiles, arresting, but it’s very close to the house my parents were living in when I was born. I had never heard them mention it. I was hooked. I had to see this place.

I looked up everything I could, and hauled my (then) fiancé out there in late 2005. Having grown up in rural NY, he was uncomfortable about the possibility of trespassing. I, either out of having grown up in the hills, being used to a lot of trespassers, or possibly just out of sheer stupidity, was unbothered. I was on fire with this place.

Getting there was arduous. I left my fiancé and climbed through shrubs and cacti. There were no trails, no indicators at all, but eventually, I started seeing tiles – tiles that I recognized! I walked the length of the area, before hitting a wall of cacti. I saw tiles stairs, the outline of a small pool, alcoves in the hillside. But no spider. I couldn’t see the spider anywhere. But I knew I had found something.

Weeks later, I found a picture of a woman near the little pool outline. I sent it to an email address, along with a picture of what I had seen. At first, nothing happened. But a few weeks later, I heard back – there was a lot of excitement. Apparently, completely by accident, I had stumbled on the remains of the house. No one had found it before. I was thrilled to be a part of the story that had lit me up. I was glad to contribute to something that had given me so much pleasure.

But a couple of years passed, the fact remained. I had not seen the spider. Last month, I packed up a camera, some nuts and water (and a lot of loose clothing) and took to the hills. It was the kind of day LA dreams about -- when everything is perfectly clear and blue and bright. On reaching the area, I drove around a little, trying to figure out which way would give me the best access. Having spotted it, I parked and watched. I was hoping that no one was home. While I may be stupid enough not to care about trespassing, I really don’t like to bother people.

I scrambled up the grassy hillside and as it leveled out, I started seeing a lot of weird debris, street signs where there was no street, old trash cans full of tiles (and not the Spider Pool kind.) There were old plants withered in their protective metal trellises. It was a different world – a place where things ended up because they were of no use to anyone. When I reached the next flat part, I looked around. To the right was a house. It was small, not in great shape, but someone was starting to take care of it. To my left was a horse paddock. The notion struck a chord. There was a little shelter at one end and a gate, beyond; it was grassy, sunny and rising. I made my way over. It was just beyond the gate of the paddock that I saw it, the white winking out of the scrubby brush. It was so sudden and such a secret, it took my breath away.

It was on the east side, so the sun wasn’t on it, but it shown through the leaves and plants all around, gilding the area. The night cool still rose from the old, large grained cement the spider was in. It was blue – the spider and the web. I hadn’t known that. I sat on the bench that jutted out of the hill and looked out at the living map that had led us all to the Spider Pool.

I wandered all over the area, taking pictures, asking myself questions, scrambling over more brush to get down to the house. (It looked much the same, except that it was overrun by nasturtium – a semi-edible plant that thrives in the area. It amazed me how close it really was to people’s houses it was, easily accessible from the driveway of one home. I guess I wouldn’t like it if people wandered around on my property (I don’t think my mom was too big on it when I was a kid) but how could people not want to share this with everyone? I remembered how there had been some talk among the Poolies (as they called themselves) about what it would take to make it a park, but even if there was access, it was too steep.

Maybe it’s for the best. As much as I want to tell the story, I’m not going to tell you where the Spider Pool is. A bunch of people going up there would disrupt the area, and likely destroy whatever remains of the ruins (I realize I contradict myself, but, to paraphrase Walt Whitman, so what? I contain multitudes.) I’m telling this story because it burns in me, because I think it says something about the kind of place Los Angeles is – to be such a young place, and yet have such marvelous ruins, about the value of old things, in a place where we are constantly tearing them down, about the internet, as a conductor of wonder and connection and particularly about mysteries. Now that you’ve read this story, you can look around this city and know – there are things hidden, things annihilated that are as strange and as bizarre as anything on earth. And that’s important. As Ken Kesey once said, “Sometimes the need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”

Special thanks for research, photos and enthusiasm to Rowanart and Old Bubblehead.

Present day photos by Jacy Young

South in Santa Monica: Good Times

South opened its doors a few weeks ago and already business is booming. I arrived for happy hour at 5pm, quite relieved to see how well they'd filled in the space previously occupied by that hideous dim sum restaurant which was a disgrace to all things Chinese. South looks amazing, with nice clear TVs on every wall, wide open spaces, comfortable seating, and tons of windows. I was rather impressed.

South was opened by four men who you may recognize from Qs: Philip, Adam, Robyn and Chris (those bartenders that the ladies used to lust over at that bar up the street). The owners personally have their roots in the south and decided to open a bar that reflects their southern charm. So besides being incredibly friendly and hospitable, they also serve some impressive southern treats: fried green tomatoes, hush puppies, voodoo shrimp, po' boys, crawfish etouffee, jumbalaya, it's all there waiting to be eaten. And it's damn good (see below).

Of course, what you're all waiting for: was it full of douchebags? As far as I could tell through my mint julep goggles, no it wasn't. There seemed to be a nice mix of professionals, UCLA kids, bratty divas, and random drunkards with cameras like myself. The DJ was spinning some 80's stuff that excited most people there, which leads me to believe the crowd was actually over 24 years old (I didn't hear anyone say, "I don't know this, was this before I was born?"). We had a great time. Everyone was drinking and hugging. Adam and Philip served us well. Some of my friends learned firsthand that they keep their bathroom floors very clean. All in all, a successful night.

(We may hit up South for one of the Lakers playoffs games, iso I will be able to report back to you on the douchebag factor. Stay tuned.)South
www.southsantamonica.com

3001 Wilshire Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA

Other tidbits: There is valet parking, and lots of taxis around the corner if you've had one too many lynchburg lemonades. There's outdoor seating on a nice patio that has heat lamps. There are private rooms that I will likely never be invited into. Happy hour is Mon-Fri fron 5pm-8pm.

all photos by malingering

Dodgers Lose to DBacks 6-4: Some Photos.

Andre Ethier gets hit by a pitch.

There are very few days in my life when I actually wish I were rich, but today happened to be one of those days. My sister scored us field level seats behind home plate, which are a world of difference from our season seats in reserve level. As luck would have it, every time someone gives me amazing seats, the Dodgers lose. Every single time I've sat in the Dugout Club they've lost. Every time I've sat on field level behind home plate, they've lost. Someone up there seems to think I don't deserve to have a good view of the field. Fine. I get it now.

Besides the view, this was the first time I've sat in field level since they renovated in the off-season. The concourse is like a Westfield mall now, all white and clean and expensive looking. You can get Canters and Mrs. Beasleys, and the condiment dispensers are made of stainless steel. There are Dyson super hand dryers in the restrooms. It's a whole new ballgame down there.

We sat there in the lap of luxury and watched quite a game. Billingsley struck out a career high 12 batters, but still gave up 5 earned runs to maintain his record of 0 wins. One batter from each team scored on a wild pitch, which always makes for a good time. Jeff Kent got extremely angry after a runner was called safe at second, as Kent felt certain that he'd touched the bag for a force, and got tossed a few innings later (as did Joe Torre, who came to his defense). In the end, the Dodgers lost 6-4, splitting one of those weird 2 game series things with the DBacks. The Colorado Rockies will be at Dodger Stadium Fri-Sun. See you there.

More in the photos:
all photos by malingering, who was so happy to sit behind home plate she almost forgot about how that stupid net makes the photos blurry

Coachella Overheard

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, music festivals are the dim sum of the concert-going experience; try a little of everything and go back for more of what you like (or ditch out on what you don’t). This year’s Coachella was no exception, with acts like country crooner Dwight Yoakam vying for time against dance-rock lovelies Hot Chip, or Prince breaking down the funk for the masses after a particularly breathtaking Portishead set. With the desert heat not as heart-stopping as previous years and the lineup eclectic as it was educational, Coachella brought out all ages and backgrounds of super fans and the uninitiated alike. People-watching was good but people-listening was at an all time high, so I took advantage of all the close quarters on Saturday to do a little eavesdropping.

During Prince:
Girl: “HOLY SHIT IT’S MARVIN GAYE AND THE TIME!”
Guy: “Yeah, I think you mean Morris Day and the Time. I’m pretty sure Marvin Gaye is dead. Shot. By his dad.”
Girl: “Way to take it dark, man.”

During Hot Chip:
Guy1: “So, I think my cousin is gay.”
Guy2: “Nah, he’s just Panicked at the Disco. Buy him an Archers of Loaf CD and he’ll be fine.”

During Boyz Noize:
Girl: Recoiling in horror as a sweaty, shirtless guy tries to pass by too closely.
Guy behind her wearing a "YOUR RETARDED" shirt: “Dude, they make t-shirts for a reason.”In the VIP drink line:
Girl 1: “I just saw (young blond starlet).”
Girl 2: “Oooh, is she as tiny as everyone says she is?”
Girl 1: “Well, not smaller than you. A hair more slutty, though.”

Walking between Cold War Kids and DeVotchKa:
Guy to no one in particular: “Do you think these girls know how orange they really are?”

Pre M.I.A:
Girl: Looking anxiously around at the crowd and the giant speaker hanging overhead.
Guy standing behind her, smoking a sticky jay and a menthol simultaneously: “Hey, is the smoke bothering you?”
Girl: “No, I’m just kind of claustrophobic.”
Guy: “Ok, I’ll just blow it upwards then.”

On the grass during Kraftwerk:
Girl to group: “At least it’s not like last year. Nothing says “ignore me” like the entire A Team of the Victoria’s Secret roster drunk on vodka setting up camp three feet from you.”

Photos by Melissa Moore/LAist

Live From New York - LAist @ Saturday Night Live

LAist has had a regular column about television for almost two years now - we're not saying it's a good column, but it's been very regular, which is something to think about as you get older. While Los Angeles has been a mecca of film for the last 75 years or so the migration of TV production to Los Angeles didn't really begin until 50 years ago. For the most part, TV, like radio, started in New York City (please, no snarky comments about Philo T. Farnsworth inventing TV in San Francisco) where all the major networks are still based along with MTV, Comedy Central, HBO, and it's where more than 100 TV shows are produced.

Because of TV's origins as a live medium, for purists, the most important program on TV is "Saturday Night Live". Some of this might be lost on West Coast denizens, but on the East Coast, when a new episode of SNL hits the TV, it's broadcast live. What LA gets is a rebroadcast of a live show, which is kind of a shame because of these goddam things called time zones and advertising contracts and restricted material (although this last point is very very weak now because of the "mature" material that is broadcast 24-7 on cable). OK, so the "Today Show" and news programs are broadcast live as well, and in this day and age news is becoming more "performance" than anything else, but SNL is an hour and a half of topical comedy and music performed live, without a safety net and that's what makes it special. Does anyone remember what a big stink was made about "ER" and "Scrubs" doing a live show each? Well that's what SNL has to do every time and the show deserves more credit for it.

Every show has peaks and valleys but perhaps because of the break caused by the writers' strike, there's some great energy in this season of SNL. The sketches that have focused on the election have put the show in the news every week for several weeks and that coverage doesn't appear to be stopping after this weekend's episode (with Ashton Kutcher and Gnarls Barkley) which opened with a sketch of General David Petraeus' Capitol Hill testimony.

LAist arrived at the historic Rockefeller Center studios at 10:30pm and got a tour of the backstage dressing rooms, green rooms, and prop staging areas and heard a little history as well as some insider info, such as the fact that bits that feature forays backstage are supposed to include showgirls, llamas, and Abraham Lincoln in them somewhere [now I'm going to have to watch my "Best of..." DVDs on frame-by-frame slo-mo] then it was time to sit down.

What the TV audience doesn't see is the crowd warm-up which starts in earnest 20 minutes before the show. Don Pardo, who is in his 90s and still totally with it, gets onstage and gets the crowd into some cheers, he's followed by erstwhile ombudsman Jason Sudeikis who riffs a few jokes and sets down the ground rules (phones off, etc.) and then cast-members Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig got onstage and backed by the house band performed a very capable cover of Blondie's "Hanging On the Telephone" with Armisen more than holding his own as a rockstar guitarist. Before we knew it the two-minute countdown to live broadcast was upon us.

Since the show is performed live everything is in "real time" with entire stage transformations occurring within a commercial break and the cast wearing more than one costume at a time. For those of you who saw the aforementioned General Petraeus sketch, which featured the cast members sitting down during "Senate" testimony, it should be noted that all the cast members were wearing the pants for their next sketch and had to cast off jackets and wigs and get into position for the next sketch while the scenery for that was being assembled - all during the opening credits and before Ashton Kutcher's opening monologue.

For those who watched Saturday, I'm not going to rehash the show, other than to say that other than the opener, the live sketches that got the best audience response were "The Cougar Show", and the "Activia commercial shoot". Weekend update is a lot of fun to watch live because there are a lot of shenanigans going on just off camera. Of course, "Death by Chocolate" was, hands down, the best of the digital shorts.

What was also interesting to see what how supportive the staff is of the musical performer. Just before the musical numbers are introduced, all the writers and other staff come out on the floor to watch the band play - which both supplemented the audience as well as demonstrated their admiration and enthusiasm for the musical performer. It seemed like it was something they must do for everyone who comes on the show and it was impressive.

Going to the show after party also illustrated Saturday Night Live as an institution that could only exist and thrive in the location of New York City. Assembling at a BBQ place a five minute cab ride away (was it even cab-worthy?), most of the cast, writers, band (house and guest), hunkered down for drinks and some tasty eats. This core group was supplemented by friends and family, which of course, included multiple chapters of the Who's Who of Show Business. Guest host Ashton Kutcher and cameo performers Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz were there of course, but soon enough Lucy Lieu appeared (we were missing one Angel) and then Sean "Puffy" Combs sat at their table. Lorne Michaels hung out with what appeared to be a lot of studio exec-types, including at least one from Warner Brothers. Jason Segel was there along with Jonah Hill, as well as a cavalcade of comedians including Demetri Martin and Aziz Ansari (from "Human Giant" as interviewed by LAist). Sure, all of these people know each other and it's a "scene" but the scene wouldn't exist outside of SNL and because New York is arranged vertically, it's easy for these people to get together and make this scene happen. The cast and writers of the show are also the heavy elements that create this gravitational pull - is there a greater concentration of talent East of the Mississippi?

It was a surreal evening to say the least and it's impressive to see how friendly and open this group of people is. Special props go to Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, and Casey Wilson who were very kind and indulgent. Season 33 of "Saturday Night Live" resumes on May 10th - I'll be tuning in.

Video of the Day: Bicycle Riding on the 10, 405

Via StreetsblogLA

Bicycle riding on a road designated by Caltrans as a highway/freeway is illegal except when there is no reasonable or possible route for a cyclist to take (for example, you can ride your bike on Interstate 5 through Camp Pendelton). It's safe to say, there are plenty of alternative options in Los Angeles, but hey, why not?

Organized by a bicycle writer at the blog Banned Bicycles, he and nine others took to the freeways and cruised by traffic. Damien Newton at StreetsblogLA points out the definitive million dollar question left on YouTube as a comment -- "LA is made for cars. Why are bicycles getting places faster?"

With gas prices so high, you can now save time, a buck and the planet all in one ride.

LAist Interview: Jose Canseco

You can find former baseball player Jose Canseco signing copies of his latest book Vindicated today at Costco in Van Nuys

Jose Canseco's first book, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big was called "the worst sports book so far in three centuries" by the LA Times. Harsh words like this didn't stop Canseco's tell-all tome from opening at number three on USA Today's bestsellers list and impacting Major League Baseball's policy on steroids. Three years later, Canseco is at it again with a second book, Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball. Today, you can catch the author/reality TV show star/aspiring screenwriter signing copies of his new book at Costco in Van Nuys starting at 6pm. Yesterday, Jose took time out from the usual crashing press conferences, ratting out former teammates and fellow players and chasing his Hollywood dream to speak with LAist over the phone from his Los Angeles home.

What do you enjoy most about living here in Los Angeles?
Well I get to see my daughter. That's the most important thing. My ex-wife brought my daughter over four or five years ago and I followed.

How much of living out here has to do with your pursuit of a career in show business?
Probably all of it. I've been busy writing these two books. I've done some reality TV in between. Obviously, now that the second book has been incredibly well received, I've been meeting with producers to get the movie deal done.

I hear you're working on a movie about yourself?
Yeah. I'm working on a movie about my life. My life story. Obviously it entails Juiced and Vindicated. It's a great human interest story. Who would you like to play yourself?
I don't know. Obviously we will be casting and looking for the next Jose Canseco. I think what we're going to do is do a reality TV show to see if we can find the individual that is the next Jose Canseco.

Do you believe that baseball is a much cleaner sport right now? If so, how much of that do you take credit for?
Well I don't think that anything would have happened in the game if I would not have written my first book Juiced. If Congress would not have gotten involved, I think the game would have stayed the same. I think probably 100 percent of the players would be using steroids right now. Hopefully with everything that has happened, steroids are out of the game completely.

What about HGH? Is that still apart of the game?
I hope not. Even though it's something that is not detectable, I think players are getting the hint. The problem with HGH even though it's not detectable you still run the risk of getting caught because you got there's always going to be that supplier who can talk against you.

How much did money play a part in the fact that nobody was talking about steroids in the game?
A lot really. Players weren't going to talk because they didn't want to lose their job. I was blackballed in the game before I even wrote my book. Players were making incredible amounts of money and none of them wanted to come on my side and agree with me. Everyone was afraid of Major League Baseball and none of these guys wanted to have their earnings taken away from them.

What do you believe is the price you had to pay for writing your book? How many friendships do you think you lost because of it?
Before I wrote my first book, I had already been blackballed from the game. I lost all my friends in baseball. Nobody would talk to me. Nobody would deal with me. It was basically a no-brainer. It stayed the same, status quo when the first book was written. It stayed the same when my second book was written. When I was blackballed, I was already done for in the sense of getting back to the major league level or having any sort of relationship or dealings with the players. So it didn't matter at that point.

In your first book, you got the word at that guys were cheating at the game of baseball, but you also wrote quite a bit about guys cheating on their wives. How rampant would you say that cheating is? Did you ever see guys cheating with underage girls?
Never with underage girls. I never saw that. Most of the guys back then were cheating on their wives. I think there was like maybe one or two that were not. I think back then it was a common place. Back then it was a competition, athletes are competitive people, it was a competition to see who could get the most girls - and it was very easy. As a Major League Baseball player it was very easy to get these girls.

Back to the underage girls. I bring that up because of the news that came out this week regarding Roger Clemens. What's your take on this story?
You know I just heard about that yesterday. I don't really know what to say. I don't know if it's true or not. You know, I guess we're going to have to wait to hear from Roger and hear what he has to say. In my time with Roger I never saw him hanging around with other girls, you know.

What were you looking to accomplish with Vindicated?
Well it was the aftermath of the first book. It was basically to let people know what was right or wrong about the Mitchell Report. The second book has polygraph transcripts that show that the players mentioned in both the first and second book were completely 100% accurate. I've passed all these polygraphs. Obviously to mention other players that I really hadn't mentioned because I found some things out after the first book had been written. Guys that I have really come to dislike, whether it be from things that they had done with my ex-wife Jessica or done through the media, like Alex Rodriguez. Basically I was just looking to cover the facts of baseball.

Speaking of the Mitchell Report, you showed up during the press conference. What were you hoping to accomplish there?
Actually I had meetings with book publishers that were kind of in the same building. I happened to pass by there and people saw me there and of course they are going to make a big stink about it. What I found incredible though was that Mitchell or Major League Baseball didn't want me anywhere near that room. I just find that incredible. You know, I tried to help them I tried to share some of the things I knew and they never asked me for any information.

How do you think MLB has reacted to the Mitchell Report?
Ironically or not Major League Baseball paid for the Mitchell Report. They knew what they were paying for. After I wrote my second book, when I was doing a book signing a couple people who work for Mitchell approached me about joining forces and sharing some of the information I have. I find it strange, that two books later they came around. Before the report came out they didn't want me anywhere near this investigation. They never called me, never asked me for my opinion or my side of thing in regards to any of the players or events that I was named in. I found that extremely strange. I guess to them their viewpoint was 'You know what, we can't fight Jose any longer. He speaks the truth. It's time to just say uncle and give in.'

Are you working with these investigators?
I'll probably try to meet with them sometime soon. We'll find out what's really going on.

What are your thoughts on the reception book has received so far?
The reception of the book has been great. I think it's made four of five bestsellers lists. I've ran into people who have given me a high-five saying 'thanks for writing the book' and 'I'm glad you got the truth out there.'

I haven't read the book yet. Give me your sales pitch on why I should.
One word, the truth. When you're not biased, when you have no relationships to maintain, when you have no future earnings to look out for you can honestly say the unbiased truth. Point blank. When you read it you know that every word, word-for-word really did happen.

Is it true that you only had ten days to write this book?
We had a very short period of time. I had everything in my head. The writer did a great job. We spent hours upon hours upon hours working on the book. The writer is an extremely quick and talented writer. We had more than ten days but we did write this very quickly.

Has Alex Rodriguez contacted you at all?
No he has not.

Nobody who works for him either?
No.

How do you interpret that lack of contact?
Not even the lack of contact, what about the lack of an explanation to the media? He's only said "no comment." To me that's an admittance of guilt. I mean if I am lying or saying something untruthful, he's going to challenge me in the public eye. He's going to take a polygraph. But he's not doing that. No player I have mentioned in both of my books will step up and take a polygraph.

What about Magglio Ordonez, any word from him?
None whatsoever. No.

Is it true that he was only included in this book because he wouldn't give you money?
Absolutely not. That's something we know obviously to be a lie because Magglio and I never spoke. I never spoke to Magglio. In the article they said Magglio never spoke to me. Scott Boras never spoke to me. If I was trying to extort money from Magglio why wouldn't he just contact me. He said he contacted the FBI, he contacted Major League Baseball. Why not contact me and just record the conversation? It would have been very simple. But that didn't happen. It's an absolute lie.

Have you read Pat Jordan's piece about you that was posted on Deadspin?
I saw that. My attorney Robert Saunooke was involved with that piece. He has since been fired for that and other issues I had with him. My new attorney, Greg Emerson and I are piecing together a lawsuit against these individuals.

Both Rob and Pat?
Yes.

So, none of what was in that piece is true?
There were a lot of exaggerations. A lot of it was attorney/client privileged information in there that was very private information to me that should not have gotten out. A lot of what was in there was Robert's opinion. There were some facts that were involved that were very private details that I am not going to get into now that broke the attorney/client privilege.

If you could sum up your baseball career in one word what would it be?
Strange. Unusually strange.

Knowing what you know now. If you had to do it all over and everything was the same, no rules against steroids as it was during your career, would you have taken steroids again?
I think there is a lot to understand. The reason I took steroids was I made a promise to my mother who was dying that I was going to be the best player in the world. Briefly after that I was introduced to steroids. I think like I said before, I had the best intentions but I didn't take the best route. Back then there were no rules against steroids, they weren't illegal and nearly every player in Major League Baseball was taking steroids.

When the ball hit you on the head and went over the wall for home run, where would you rank that in your career low-lights?
Actually I thought that was kind of funny when it happened. Nobody could have done that the way I did it. That could have only happened to me.

Last question, what's next for you?
Next thing would be some more reality TV, a reality TV show involving martial arts. I am working with producers to get my movie made, the story of my life. And I am working on a third book which will be fiction.

Fiction, really?
Yeah it's going to be about baseball and cloning. It's a very dark dark sci-fi story.

Top photo by MPR529 via flickr Second Photo - AP Photo/Chris O'Meara

Smashing Pumpkins Inducted into RockWalk

Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins after just having his hands in cement | Photo by John Wayne Maioriello

Sunset boulevard swelled today in front of guitar center where Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin were honored with an induction into the RockWalk, which is apparently some sort of street gallery rock/blues/jazz thing.

Today was also officially declared Smashing Pumpkins Day in Los Angeles, be sure to mark your calendars.

The only real bummer was if you for some random reason needed a guitar at noon today, because guitar center was one hard place to get inside of. I have a ton more pictures, but wasn't sure if LA really was die-hard for the Pumpkins, so check them here if ya want.

Photo Essay: Anonymous Protests Scientology, May 10

On Saturday May 10th, members of Anonymous took to the streets all over the world in protest of Scientology. Here in Los Angeles, Anonymous staged their gathering at 6331 Hollywood Boulevard at one of the many Scientology buildings in the city.

LAist photographer Tom Andrews was on the scene this week, just as he was last week, to capture the events on camera.

I Met Alice Cooper! Plus There was Some NME Awards Thing Too

Last night the El Rey Theater was host to British music magazine NME's first US awards. You can find the list of award winners at Twisted Ear, since it seems like the sudden attention has crashed NME's website. For a recap of the awards show, check out MOG.

I was all about the red carpet! For those of you who have read my bio, you know it has been one of my life's goals to meet Alice Cooper. While we won't be having tea anytime soon, I can cross that one off my list. Check out my red carpet adventures along with the photos, and stay tuned for more coverage of the most spectacular entrance of the night.

Dodgers Sweep the Rockies in the 10th Inning

This is going to be brief. I am lucky to be alive after 3 hours in scorching 90+ degree heat, and my very last ounce of energy will be used to get these photos up before I pass out. Literally.

The Dodgers started Loaiza, which is usually a death sentence but today he only gave up two earned runs! This is a huge improvement! The Rockies started Jeff Francis (0-2), who didn't throw nearly as many wild pitches as the starters on Friday and Saturday. He gave up two earned runs to the Dodgers in the 4th - including a 2 out RBI by Loaiza of all people - and struck out six.

After the 5th inning, score tied at 2-2, the game stagnated a bit. Everyone was melting in the heat, players were moving slow, the crowd couldn't get up because they were stuck to their seats. We were starting to believe this game was destined to go on until forever, but in the 10th inning Furcal got on base, Sweeny walked, Kemp advanced the runners, Martin was intentionally walked, and Loney hit a one out single to score Furcal for the win. Whew. What a day. We also celebrated my grandpa's 75th birthday at the ballpark... HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!All photos by malingering. Please don't steal them and put your own watermark on them and post them to your own website because that really, really, really pisses her off and it's happened twice this week.