Amy Poehler Wins Power of Comedy Award, Promises More Female Programming

Amy Poehler won Variety's Power of Comedy Award on Saturday, staking the claim as the first woman to do so. Her acceptance speech jabbed at Will Ferrell then weaved in and out of her crass humor and genuine advocacy for cancer awareness.

She begins by thanking Ferrell, who introduces her at the Hollywood Palladium event. "It's a just a real thrill to get this award from you, WiIl, 'cause I know how much you hate female comedians and women in general," she says. Although she aims to keep the speech short, Poehler remains on-stage for nearly eight minutes and keeps the audience howling the entire time.

Responsibly mentioning the night's prime beneficiary, the Noreen Fraser Foundation (NFF) - an organization focused on funding women's cancer research and raising awareness of the importance of early detection - Poehler then dives into the meat of her speech: her television show pitches.

The ears of feminists perked up as she promised, "I will take this honor seriously, and I'm gonna use my newly acquired power to create television shows that highlight issues important to women."

She pitches, to the audience, viewers and generally anyone with a checkbook, a trio of shows that undoubtedly address some of the biggest issues facing the modern woman.

Pitch 1: A documentary series entitled, "Stuntmen Without Shirts."

Pitch 2: A wish fulfillment show concisely called, "I Really Don't Give A Shit How Your Fantasy Football Team Is Doing, Just Take The Kids Somewhere."

Pitch 3: "That Really Hurts," a series that teaches couples the art of communication... in the bedroom.

Despite her actual lack of game-changing television ideas, Poehler appears to be truly thankful for her award and power and is proud to be a shining star in the comedy community, a group she describes as "highly weird and self-involved nutbags who are very secretly caring and kind."