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With the recent megasuspension of Dodgers superslugger Manny Ramirez, every American has been wondering: "is Manny Ramirez a murdering rapist?" Speaking publicly yesterday, for the first time in over a month, Ramirez put that to bed, reports MLB.com. "I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody," said the man with the surprise vacation. "That's it." That really must be it, as Ramirez didn't address his 50 game suspension in a way that got anyone too excited. "Whatever happened, that's in the past. I'm coming to play my game and move on." So long as the 37-year-old doesn't further violate MLB's Only Dopes Use Dope policy, he'll return to the big leagues next month. See Manny neither murder nor rape July 3 in San Diego for an Independence Weekend comeback against the Padres. He returns to Dodgertown 90090 on July 16 against the formidable-enough Houston Astros.
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Haha, nice piece.
I would just like to state for the record that I do not cut off people's heads and keep them in the trunk of my car. You will notice that I use the word "heads" which is plural, in case anybody starts getting all nitpicky.
"That's it" because Manny is not supposed to talk about the terms of his suspension.
Also, the Astros are sitting pretty in last place, a cool seven games back of the Brewers and six games under .500.
Fear Oswalt.
Somewhere out there, Kobe is pissed right now.