DVD Tuesday: Oh, Edward!

Vampires casually consider murdering classmates and draining their blood. | Photo courtesy of Summit Entertainment

Who would have ever thought that overlaying a Mormon template over standard teen angst fare and vampire mythology would have proven to be as successful as the Twilight series has been? And more importantly, where are the "porn" versions of this movie (e.g. Shaving Ryan's Privates). Bolt returns John Travolta to an unwelcome state of prominence and further bolsters the career of the rancid Miley Cyrus. Elegy was depressing as hell but damn if it wasn't a fine movie. Did anyone have a better two-fer last year than Penelope Cruz (Elegy and the fantastic Vicky Cristina Barcelona)? Maybe Ben Kingsley (Elegy and The Wackness)?

Twilight
Bolt
Elegy
Punisher: War Zone
The Robe
Murnau
Faust
Hit Man: David Foster And Friends
Wuthering Heights
Walled In

Maybe you re-think this tattoo ahead of time. | Photo courtesy of Kawaface via Flickr

Sure, it's a children's classic but The Velveteen Rabbit has some seriously dark themes marbling through its prose. To wit, at one point the sentient stuffed rabbit is about to be burned alive. Do kids realize this shit is going on? When I have kids I'm gonna make sure they stick to pop-up books like Ralph Likes Paste. In other children's entertainment news, Ms. New Booty, Vol. 3 picks up right where Ms. New Booty, Vol. 2 left off: our erstwhile, generously bedonked heroines have been captured by the sinister Dr. Moriarty and only the clever machinations of one Sherlock Holmes will prevent them from falling victim to Moriarty's evil schemes!

The Velveteen Rabbit
Goal 2: Living the Dream
Rory Gallagher: Live in Cork
Arc
Gustafer Yellowgold's Mellow Fever
The Life of Lucky Cucumber
Alzheimer's Disease: Facing the Facts
Yoga for Great Tennis with Anastasia
Revenge of the Boarding School Dropouts
Ms. New Booty, Vol. 3