LAist: You got Goop All Over My Plebes!

Elise Thompson

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:44:57 -0800

I'm sorry. Ever since they stopped printing National Lampoon my ability to spot ironicalness has been only partial. Now how the heck do we write footnotes?

Lindsay William-Ross

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 12:27:18 -0800

paul, I would like to hire* you to write for LAist** on the condition that for every post you write, you must also sign in as a commenter and then come up with a judgmental, useless "I shit on your post" type comment to post. *There's no pay, though, sorry! LAist writers do it for fun! **Just kidding. I would never hire you to write for us. Ross: Hilarious. Nicely done, man.

Andy Sternberg

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 12:11:34 -0800

is it too much to ask for footnotes to the footnotes? like, all the way to the gutter? That was hilarious, and the Chinois line totally cracked me up especially because the set up was so curiously idiotic. Guess ol' girl is trying to pretend she's got some flavor, especially after marrying the leader of the bland.

Ross A. Lincoln

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 10:16:58 -0800

Elise, Yeah, I know. I played dumb for humorous purposes. A little too dumb, it seems. Apparently one has to actually be Lou Dobbs to get away with being that idiotic. :P

Ross A. Lincoln

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 10:15:11 -0800

Thanks Paul. Personally I wrote this as a work to last the ages, on par with the Constitution of the United States, the Magna Carta, and the Trojan War Cycle. I'm devastated that instead, my little parasitic screed is only "trite". I was aiming for at least "ephemeral"!

paul

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 09:20:07 -0800

This was terrible. If by "snarky" everyone meant "trite," totally.

Elise Thompson

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 05:57:44 -0800

Things Gwyn hasn't done that she recommends also include: Deserving an Oscar; having a convincing English accent. Hahahahahha!!!!!! Fantastic! I must add though, that Chinois is the French word for Chinese and was used to describe a form of art that was a French-Chinese fusion. So yeah, that one passes. I think it says it on their menus. But no one has gone there for 10 years.

jahmbo

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:06:33 -0800

brutally funny.

milquetoast

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 22:14:01 -0800

Goop? Why not? She named her fuckin' kid 'Apple'! Now, the 24 hour club cars are good thinking. Get shit faced while you're being brought home!

BingosDingo

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:14:13 -0800

Wow Ross. Had me laughing steadily for a good ten minutes. An absolute rarity for me. We need 24 hour trains with 24 hour club cars.

brainylagirl

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:30:12 -0800

Ross, you give such good snark! (And no, I'm not talking about pg. 163 in _The Joy of Sex_.)

Matt Vannucci

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:10:59 -0800

Classic, Ross! Few fave's: "Translation: I make my friend angry because I act like a spoiled hollywood diva." "Is she saying "delish" as in "delicious" or "delish", as in "Like a deli"? You make the call!" and "11) Two things: 1, we need 24 hour trains; 2) we need 24 hour bars."

hennypenny

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:10:17 -0800

This was a gorgeous piece of work, Ross. Thank you! Also, I love how's she's so affected and snotty, but her site is called GOOP. GOOP, for godssakes! Kindly do fuck off, Gwynnie.

Ali Miller

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:08:06 -0800

This post is full of win. Ross, you have won 5 internets.

db

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:02:07 -0800

Watching Spain - On The Road Again has destroyed any attraction Ms. Paltrow may have held when I was young and stupid. She is stunning in her breezy sense of optimacy. However Claudia Bassols, who is also on the series, has won me over.

damian_z

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:41:06 -0800

Alegria??? Thanks a fuck-load for mentioning it Gwyneth! Now I'll be fighting obnoxious Hollywood divas as well as hipsters for a table at my favorite walkable eatery. I can't wait 'til they realize they can't drop a platinum American Express there. Cash only assholes! Awesome post, Ross. You had me at #5. Fuck Green Street Hooligans indeed. I once broke up with a girl because she liked it. And I wasn't wrong to do so.

polaroidgirl

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:37:13 -0800

This is fucking hilarious and thanks for using footnotes. I love me some footnotes even if I hate scrolling down to read them and then back up. More like this please!

emdash

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:16:13 -0800

footnote #6 for the epic win.

nick_r

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:15:38 -0800

Wow. Brilliant. I am speechless. I have no speech.