Kings Seek Queens

Your Los Angeles Kings, looking to bolster attendance, have finally decided to direct some money into getting some talent on the ice this season. No, they aren’t looking to pick up some superstar NHLers to fill out their anemic lineup. I’m talking about management’s decision to put time and energy into hiring “Ice Girls” for the home games this year.

Monday, September 8th at 6PM, the (dis)organization will be holding open auditions at Staples Center. The main requirements are that you must be 19 or older, and be a high school graduate. Oh yeah, and something about being female, being able to skate, and you probably have to be hot.

If you are “fun” and “enthusiastic”, head here to fill out an application and RSVP. If you’re going to audition and you need tips on “what to wear” and “how to style (your) hair and makeup”, you can visit the FAQ page here. Spoiler alert: Your “makeup should be glamorous and ‘stage-ready’.”

Should you be one of the chosen ones, congratulations! From this moment forward, you will be working 15-25 hours a week for an hourly wage, and your primary responsibility will be to shovel snow off of the ice during breaks in the game. Or as the ad puts it: “represent the Kings in one of the premier sports and entertainment capitals in the world!”

For those of you without lady-parts, or who are more musically inclined and want to make your mark on the hockey world, CBC’s legendary Hockey Night in Canada is seeking a new theme song. You can enter the contest and listen to all the entries here. The winner gets $100,000 plus royalties and the opportunity to say “I wrote the motherfuckin’ theme song to Hockey Night in Canada!”

In other Kings news, tickets for preseason games are now on sale. If there is something wrong with you, you can buy tickets here.

photo from the Kings official website