The Wreckoning Is Coming at You: Inside the Trainwreck Studio
Hiking off Mulholland in Studio City: Fryman Canyon Park
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Simply Wrong Food: IHOP's Holiday Pancakes
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Alice Cooper, Ace Frehley @ Nokia Theater 10/28/09
Found in L.A.: Medical Marijuana Ditched in the Curb
You’d think it’d be easy for an attractive twenty something girl to get laid in Los Angeles, but it seems as though that might not be the case. As of late, it’s been difficult for me to get busy with anyone and I’m starting to believe it’s going to be this way for a while.
It can be gathered from past posts that I like having sex a lot, but I’m pretty sure that most of Los Angeles feels the same way too. I want to have it all the time. Unfortunately, unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you just don’t receive steady, consistent sex. So what’s left for the rest of us to do? How are we supposed to get some?
Sure, you can masturbate in the meantime of getting the real thing, but for me, that time has gotten longer and longer and frankly I’m not satisfied. Ultimately, a dildo isn’t a dick. I don’t want a vibrating machine in me. I want a hot man on top of me and all the great things that follow after that.
So the next step would be to find someone to have sex with. I’m not a sleazy whore, at least I try not to be, so I’ve tried to date people, get to know them first before I actually go in for the kill and get what I want. Alas, these attempts have proved futile, as I’ve been met by the following: a guy that came too quickly (from 1st base no less), a man attempting to cheat on his girlfriend and an at first okay bro but ultimate douche. “Why me,” I ask. Why can’t I meet someone normal and get to the coitus? Clearly, I have an attraction to unavailable men, but I’m not looking for a relationship here. I just want the good old dick in the vagina.
As time has passed, my urge to fuck has grown and now I’m on the edge. I have to get some and very soon. It’s looking like casual, one-night stand sex next is on the agenda although it’s not necessarily what I want. I’d rather do it with a familiar buddy than a random, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
I go to bars probably twice a week with my friends and there are always male prospects there. Sadly, those prospects don’t approach me. They stare from a distance but almost never get the balls to come over and talk to me. You know who does though? Complete assholes that think I’d care to listen to their monologue. This really happens every time. And at some point I need to put the smack down just so they can get away from me. Then, I’m the one that’s called a bitch. No, you’re just a douche and I’m not wasting my time. Maybe if you didn’t talk so much about yourself, we’d actually be having sex right now.
I’ve come around to accepting the fact that if I want a man, I just have to go out and get him. That really bothers me since I truly believe that any decent guy should be doing the chasing, but I can no longer fight it. Next time I see a hot guy I want, I’m going to have to talk to him and make it known that I want him in hopes of finally getting some action. Like everyone else, I’m afraid of getting rejected but that’s just a chance I’m going to have to take. Is this going to work? It fucking better.
Top photo by martinalanotte, bottom photo by Mai Le, both via Flickr
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Zach? Are you there? Is anyone editing today? Between the numerous misspellings in posts (seriously-- spell check, anyone?), sentences that make no sense, and now this self-indulgent crap I'm starting to feel like Tony is back calling the shots. I expect more from the Behrens era LAist.
beggars cant be choosers girl.
i've been going after the guys i want since high school. i hate how women expect the men to do the work.
i'd much rather get rejected 1000 times a night than to go home and think" oh if only i would have talked to that guy".
sounds like you've got some issues. maybe that's why you're in a dry spell.
I can never find women worth my time to deal with. It's unfortunate. The pendulum swings both ways.
"Unfortunately, unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you just don’t receive steady, consistent sex."
Doesn't happen all the time, even in that case.
lol
I feel your pain. But where to meet guys? It's hard to find someone at a bar, where the lighting is dim and you're drunk. And as I recently discovered, dating people at work, especially when it's your boss, is usually a bad idea.
So what's left? Picking up guys at the supermarket? Could always try wearing a tight shirt with no bra and wandering the frozen foods section. Actually, that doesn't sound like a half bad idea. I may try that one myself. ;)
I suggest you have a wing man with your group of girls to help you out.
I'd have sex with you.
my neighborhood blog just turned into fleshbot
good to see the hate is flying as usual
Well, I have trouble wrapping my head around this post. I guess this is a glipse into how some of the other half thinks.
I'm picky, but those times when I'm not, I still find it tough to work up the nerve to approach in some atmospheres. Bars, in particular, have a kind of antisocial social vibe. It seems that when success is a sure thing, I'm the dean from the James Bond School of Charm (or perhaps Dirty Harry?) When a woman is truly interesting, or extremely sexy, then I'm the 6th grader with oversized glasses.
Men looking for medium termish casual flings are expecting a complex, low success rate, ordeal just to find out if the woman is even amenable to that. Faced with that, with the probable positive outcome of unfamiliar mediocre sex, you can't blame men for choosing to take care of their needs on their own time. Those times when I've had a regular, but not serious, partner it has been the woman's boldness that cut through that hassle and made the whole thing feasible.
One doesn't go to the supermarket, place their basket in the middle of the aisle and whisper "fill me up". One either yells it, and hopes the Rice Krispies snap to, or else one pursues the more reliable method of putting the cereal box in one's empty cart. You know what you want, and that is a great asset. By waiting for the approach, rather than approaching, you curtail your opportunities to choose what you want.
Anyway, pedantic lecturing aside, if you want a source of available men, I suggest bike rides. They're 70/30 male, and the men who go to them can ride 50 miles in a night, drunk. I'd try the monthly CRANK MOB, best ride in SoCal, legendary for hookups, Saturday, June 21st. Even if you don't get laid, your mind will get blown.
Finally!
Geese woman, it took you a bunch of not getting laid, to realize that its perfectly fine for a girl to go after a guy.
Why is it women always want guys to go after them.
Do this all the time, not just when you are desperate.
In a bunch of other countries this is totally accepted, I dont know why in the US all the pressure is put on the guy.
When I get hit on by women, which although rare, happens from time to time, its a breath of fresh air, and I think of them as ballsy, and not afraid of going after what they want, both qualities that I as probably every guy highly respects.
So yah go after them, and pass that advice along to you girlfreinds, who knows maybe we will finally convert this to an even game.
That is one of the great ironies in life.
Women never get 'nice guys' because the nice guys are too nice to ask for what they want. (especially if you are there with your friends!)
The jerks, though, have the confidence to approach and bug you since they don't care what anyone else thinks.
I'm no expert, but i don't think bars are the place to meet guys if you want to avoid jerks.
Anyway.. at least the April-bashing is a little more toned down this time...
(I'd say call me, but i'm too much of a nice guy to say that. And i'm not sure i'd want to be blogged about, anyway. :P
One of my buddies is a great wing man, when he gets in a bar its like a fat kid in a candy store. He approaches every group of two girls and starts running his mouth, I am one of the guys that stares from across the room. So its a good balance. Who do you think gets the most numbers?
I am actually a nice guy but, if I am not feeling the "vibe" from the girl that she is into me, I pick up on that and totally lose interest.
Why do I have to get their number anyway, if they are interested and I give them mine, they should call me. This is the 2010 era not 1940's era.
Girls should be more proactive.
Pictures or it didn't happen. Wait... it didn't happen.
this is journalism? really?
saying dick and fuck a few times doesn't mean an article is edgy, much less interesting..
I may wince and cringe throughout each of April's posts but mainly that's because I'm one-half repressed and the other-half appreciative of her fearlessly frank and open approach.
Balanced between those two reactions, I ultimately don't see why people are so quick to condemn her and what she writes based on judgments of its journalistic value or editorial quality. People are certainly entitled to their opinions and to express them, but to me if I don't like something I just don't read it. If I don't agree with what's being written or said, I might offer a counterpoint, but whether its the L.A. Times or LAist, what I do don't do is say it has no right or business being written or presented.
"It can be gathered from past posts that I like having sex a lot, but I’m pretty sure that most of Los Angeles feels the same way too."
Really? Because I'm a straight female and most of my friends are female, and I can attest that we ALL feel sex is below the oreo pudding at Toast and an afternoon at Burke Williams. Like Oprah said, we're waiting for someone to excite us as much as a baked potato.
i think part of the problem is what kinds of bars that you are going to.
if you're going to the snooty hollywood-type bars where everyone tries to one-up eachother with their coolness, you're obviously going to run into a lot of self-centered douches. Unfortunately, LA seems to be full of these establishments. instead, try a sports bar or someplace more informal where some more down-to-earth people hang out.
case in point: i tend to be one of those type-b, quiet people — the ones you rail on who will never come up and talk to you out of the blue. recently relocating to san diego, i showed up to a bar in del mar by myself and by the end of the night i had gotten numerous numbers and met a lot of new friends without even really trying (i showed up to watch a baseball game). it was one of those rare scenes where the the people were refreshingly nice and the douche factor was really low.
alas, no sex came out of it, but patience is key my friend.
wah wah wah. how many of these posts does LAist need to publish before ALL their readers disappear? my patience for weekend content is starting to wear thin.
spend the time to have a contributor write a decent post or publish nothing at all. fluff pieces used to fill space on a sunday are a waste of time.
Just for the record, regardless of the content of this post, our readers are not disappearing, in fact, they are growing. In response to your question about how many of these posts do we need to publish, well, in theory that's hard to predict, but if you want to look at how many posts by this author we have published (it's 11 in the span of 11 months) compared to how many other posts on LAist (well, let's see, approximately 12-30 posts per day for 11 months...) then that should give you a workable figure.
My question to you, and to anyone else who feels dissatisfied with the weekend content (which typically includes the following: news, sports, concert reviews, theatre reviews, book reviews, events listings, restaurant reviews, featured photos, photo essays, interviews, music listings, cooking tips, videos, local history, and art) please feel free to email me personally to let me know what you would like to see more of on the weekends. I'm at lindsay@laist.com, and I'd love to hear some constructive ideas about what you would LIKE--let's do our best to keep things positive so that we can build our community and not just hurl invectives at each other.
And, to anyone who believes they are reading this post involuntarily, I would like to remind you that you always have the option to skip over this or any other post you aren't interested in. I won't tell.
just an aside...looks like laist is banned in Vietnam...was trying to email my friend Mai, she took the "no unlawful sex" photo and it seemed to have been blocked
I knew this thread would be popular just reading the title.
April, poor baby, if I were 30 years younger...
Oh well.
Im surprised it took 9 commenters to get to the free offers. If you were to take that as indicative and then divide that across the average number of given comments, divide by number of people in LA in your target age and then multiply that value by say, 100 to get a and you could probably write a whole thesis on the probabilities of getting laid in LA.
Urgh - talk about dropping the ball.
".. ,100 to get a PROBABILITY and you.."
I had to wonder:
was this article just a pathetic cry for attention and attempt to sound like Carrie Bradshaw.
April's use of word "I" = 32
"me" = 9, "my" = 3
The byline very clearly says "by April Smear." If you've read an April Smear post before, you know exactly what you're getting. So I assume all of you complainers are first time April Smear readers.
And getting 27 comments (before mine) is certainly clear evidence that April's writing suppresses readership.
Hi there!
I am male/30 and single.
I must say you have written a beautiful article.
I am in LA for 2 days and was wishing to meet some girl with the right attitude.
There are things in the article which portray the positive aspects and strength in your character very clearly.
I just wish that you read this article and we can meet if you mail me back at digital_plant@yahoo.com
You just seem to be the right kind of girl I am looking for. Usually I dont care, but I signed up in LAist.com just to appreciate this.
In any case, I would love to meet you or stay in touch with you any time in life.