How's your 'Metroquette'?
It's not going to stop, Los Angeles. The price to drive your horseless carriage will continue to rise as we approach the summer and demand increases. You might want to rethink that weekend trip to Vegas. The tank may take more out of your pocket than the craps table. The real loss is in the day-to-day hump otherwise known as your commute. You may have noticed a slight decrease in the amount of traffic on the road lately, as LAist's Carrie Meathrell has. She seems to be getting to work 10 to 15 minutes earlier these days, cursing the precious moments of lost sleep.
It could be that students are starting to get out of school and are now sleeping in, dreaming of how to make this world a better place, or how to improve GTA4. School buses are dropping off the last of the little ones and beginning to be sanitized for day campers. However, a major reason for your early arrival at Satan's domain, or work, is the massive increase in Metro riders over the last few months.
I ride the Gold Line every morning and transfer to the Red at Union Station to Hollywood and Vine. I used to be able to sometimes grab a seat, or at least have some elbow room. Now I'm shoved into the aisle with my ass in the face of humanity, and the lady who works on the Jurassic Park ride at Universal. I shouldn't complain because getting all those cars off the road is great for our air quality here in the Southland, but for those new to the experience, I think we should go over some basic rules for riders that I like to call "Metroquette".
Now, it took me a couple of weeks to catch on to the culture, so everyone is allowed a slip or two, but that's it. I'm sure I'll be missing some key rules of the rail here, but that's what comments are for. Maybe monthly amendments will be necessary. Perhaps we, as a community, can publish a set of standards and practices to allow Angelenos to live in harmony from station to station.
1. Women and children first
This applies for getting in and out of the car and the seating arrangements. I have one child who is almost 2, and he can be 100 handfuls. When you see a mother (or father) struggling with her two or three kids, it's nice to give up your seat and at least give her an opportunity to corral the children in one area.
2. Let the blind man sit down!
There is a blind man who rides the Gold Line at 6:45 with his dog, Shadow. Too many times I, along with several other riders, have had to actually ask people if they would mind maybe giving up their seat to the man who can't see, the one with the dog that walks for him, that one. However, this common sense rule applies to all elderly and disabled people. There are designated seats that read "PRIORITY SEATING FOR SENIORS AND DISABLED". For those of you who have trouble understanding the concept of language as a form of communication, that means get the fuck up! Anyone with a walker, cane, crutches, or battle scars from WWII has priority.
3. Just because you're loud doesn't mean you're smart.
Not everybody wants to hear your witty interpretation of what the gift of knowledge really means in Indiana Jones. This is not your forum to share your mediocre criticisms and observations. That's my job here.
4. Limit your cell phone ramblings.
See rule #3.
5. Hold the door, Jackass!
If you see someone running for the door, don't just stare like a frightened child at Captain EO in 1988 (sorry for the personal reference). Treat this like an elevator, and just be polite. You WILL be that person running at some point, so remember your Earl Hickey. Also, keep in mind that the conductor can see people being shut out at the last second, and he or she may sometimes open those doors. Now you're going to get the stink eye from Molly Metro when she's let in.
So let's leave it here and see how it goes. As more and more of us jump on the train and leave the guzzler at home, we'll start to see this list grow. I think we'll also start to see the city's stress level fall from not inhaling fumes several hours a week while staring at "student of the month" bumper stickers and "my other car is your mom" license plate frames, although that one is kind of funny.
For me, I'll continue to hold the pole and ride the rail. I'm in it to win it (no offense, Hillary).
Photo by machoroboraza via flickr