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The Ten Worst Movies of 2007
The most distressing thing about the ten worst movies of the year wasn't even the movies themselves. True, they were all extremely depressing--especially the "comedies"--but nothing was more deflating than the immense amount of money that so many of them made. Their runaway success ensures that 2008 will have no shortage of Grade-A shit. Having said that, here are my ten worst. I can't believe I couldn't find room for Next.
1. Balls of Fury ($32.8M)
A bad comedy is one where you seldom laugh. A truly terrible comedy, though, is one where you do laugh every now and then--not at the movie itself, but at the sheer awfulness of what you're watching. There are scenes in Balls of Fury that are so poorly conceived and executed, I was left shaking my head in disbelief--someone thought this was a good idea? Comedies shouldn't leave you this angry as you exit the theater.
2. Fred Claus ($70.9M)
I've liked Vince Vaughn since Swingers and am a fierce defender of his role in Made. Similarly, I've been a huge fan of Paul Giamatti since he was Pig Vomit in Private Parts. Christ, I even paid to see Lady in the Water! How then did Fred Claus go so spectacularly wrong? There isn't a single joke in this movie that wasn't already done (and done better) in Elf. Avoid.
3. Evan Almighty ($100.2M)
How does a comedian with such rarefied taste as Steve Carell decide that the script for Evan Almighty is funny? Evan Almighty was so bad that it made me long for Bruce Almighty--which sucked. There were times where I half-expected Carell to just stop acting and walk off-screen shaking his head. Now that would have been funny.
4. Norbit ($95.3M)
The funniest part of watching Norbit had nothing to do with what was happening onscreen. As I sat stone-faced through the movie there was a guy behind me who was apparently watching the funniest movie he had ever seen. Eventually, I just started laughing at him. I'm still not sure how Norbit ended.
5. Shrek the Third ($321M)
The most cynical movie of the year. I actually saw this at the drive-in Costa Mesa. Thank God I was free to loudly criticize the lifeless acting and pointless script without being shushed. Of course, it was a hit so Shrek 4 is on the way. I'm hoping for some murders.
6. Daddy Day Camp
What?
7. Rush Hour 3 ($140.1M)
I hate Jackie Chan. I hate Chris Tucker. I hate Brett Ratner. Didn't really enjoy Rush Hour 3 either.
8. License to Wed ($43.8M)
John Krasinski joins Steve Carell as Office regulars who made horrible movies this year. I wonder if they joked about how awful they were. I mean, they had to know, right? Right?
9. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry ($119.7M)
Half-assed in every sense. There are only 40 seconds of this movie worth watching and they all involve Jessica Biel's ass. Just google it and save some money.
10. The Game Plan ($88.6M)
Oozes goodness in a very evil way. The Rock is now a bonafide star. Great.
Photos courtesy of Rogue Pictures and Warner Brothers