Ask Baby Adam
The symbol of the new year is a baby, and what better baby to ask for predictions than LAist's own sports editor?
Baby Adam is much more clear-headed and clairvoyant than the adult version. We're turning to the guru of Gerber, the sultan of spittle, to see what's in store for 2008 and beyond.
Q: Thanks for chatting with us, but what makes you qualified?
A: I may only be 9 months old, but I've seen a lot. I know what I like (Andrew Bynum and the Laker's odds in the playoffs) and what I don't like (David Beckham and pajamas with those annoying booties).
Q: What's going to happen with the NFL network?
A: By the time I'm old enough to care, do you really think cable and satellite will exist in their current forms? Don't be so naive. Look what else is happening right now. USC, UCLA, Notre Dame, and other major schools are experimenting with online broadcasts. The NFL is experimenting in their own way. Eventually you'll get everything (except independent analysis) straight from the source. That means you'll see the Super Bowl direct from the NFL in something that's managed more like a hybrid between internet streaming and a TV network.
Don't worry. It'll still be free because they NFL knows better than to strangle itself with pay-per-view like boxing did. The commercials will still be better than the game. The picture quality will be even better than the high definition we've got today. Best of all, it won't be regulated by the FCC, so Janet Jackson can show all the milk jugs she wants (that's not derogatory, that's just how us babies think). You older people can opt for a G or PG rated stream if certain things offend you. (That's right -- customization is ahead!)
Q: Are the Lakers for real?
A: Kobe is normally a professional but he throws too many tantrums. Andrew Bynum is growing up fast. They should make the playoffs this year, but they won't go all the way.
Q: Is New England going to win the Super Bowl?
A: Of course. Even a baby could tell you that.
Q: What's going to happen with Joe Torre and the Dodgers?
A: They still don't have enough power hitting, even with the acquisition of Andruw Jones. Russell Martin will be a perennial All Star (he could turn into a league MVP) and a healthy Jason Schmidt will be helpful on the mound, but if I were the manager I would act cute and convince GM Ned Colletti that we need one more big bat. Since Torre's at the helm, maybe he can use his tough-guy charm or just threaten to break Colletti's kneecaps. Either way, the Blue Crew needs pop ... and I need a popsicle.
As-is, the Dodgers should make the Wild Card. Another move, and they could make the World Series.
Q: Will USC move from the Coliseum?
A: If they go to Pasadena, USC will lose fans and money (there's no telling which is more important to them, though ultimately one leads to the other). If USC leaves, the Coliseum Commission could go belly-up. They're pretty codependent at this point. A deal will be reached, it's just a question of how the renovations are financed and who controls everything. The protracted process is designed to protect everybody, but sometimes it stinks like my diaper.
Q: How long will the writers strike last?
A: Don't ask me that. I'm just a baby.
Q: Will Rick Neuheisel turn around UCLA football?
A: Sort of. He'll be a definite improvement over his former teammate (Karl Dorrell), and should match up well with defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker. They'll be a recruiting powerhouse and cause a lot of headaches for USC on and off the field.
This is a man who's led three teams to top-10 finishes. If he doesn't get tripped up by some random off-field antics, he will put UCLA in the top tier of the Pac-10. I don't think he'll put them in the top tier of the NCAA. Eventually Walker will be a head coach somewhere else, and UCLA will look like a stereotypical pass-happy Pac-10 program.
I can only wonder what would have happened if UCLA really opened up the checkbook. What pro or college coaches would have suddenly been available if $2.5 million per year was on the table? With Neuheisel, I doubt they went much higher than a cool million. Dorrell was getting around $800,000.
Q: Will the US ever be good at soccer?
A: Yes, but it'll take awhile.
A lot of people falsely assume that since so many young people play soccer in this country, we should be doing better. Wrong. That's amateur stuff. Professional sports are all about money. Success won't happen while large paychecks are nonexistent for Americans. Our best athletes will continue to go into football, baseball, and basketball because those sports will pay enough to get them on MTV's Cribs.
Here's the good news. The domestic sports business, as a whole, continues to become more lucrative. That will be enhanced by increased demand associated with population growth -- especially thanks to a large number of immigrants from soccer-obsessed places. That means footie funding is in the pipeline! Furthermore, market globalization makes foreign soccer opportunities more intriguing to young Americans, i.e., talented athletes will start playing the sport here with hopes of cashing in overseas.
Ultimately, this means we'll continue to get better. Eventually, we could rival a unified EU team (which would never happen due to bitter national divisions). We can bring home The Cup about the time I hope to be playing for Team USA, shortly before I become an astronaut or fireman (or both).