Are The Thrice Damned Holidays Good For Anything?

Some people call me a modern day Scrooge. Ok, I've got nothing against people celebrating. I've got nothing against people throwing parties. Hell, I've certainly got nothing against people wanting to be generous and give gifts, especially if some of that giving comes MY way.

But I don't like the fact that somehow we are all pressured to do these things on a certain day or set of days during the year. Why let society tell you when to celebrate or feel generous or have a party? What I really hate is that most of my girlfriends go out of town to see their families! Damn it! Christmas is just pretty sucky for people's personal lives.

Except, however, when you consider the holidays a great opportunity to sarge (pick up) more women. Why now? Because the shopping malls are FILLED to the brim with the nipped, tucked and trimmed doing their last minute shopping. If you go to any major mall in the country you are going to literally be pee-pee to crack with all the women you could possibly want to meet!

Below are the 4 basic approaches to meeting women anytime, anywhere; and these are easily adapted for the holiday shopping season:

1. The Blurt-Out: with this approach you basically think out loud. You say whatever is actually on your mind, provided it is non-sexual (now's not the time.) So if your first thought is, "Damn, I better talk to her or I am going to be kicking myself for a week," then go ahead and tell her that. The blurt-out comes from a place of being vulnerable; it's sort of a "I just couldn't help myself, I had to talk to you." If you can convey vulnerability without being needy, it is very appealing and disarming.

2. The Put-On: with the put-on, you say something humorous, tongue in cheek. Something so dumb that you and she both have to laugh. Like, "Excuse me...but Santa told me you've been bad all year and that for your punishment you have to go out with me." When she responds by asking why going out with you is punishment, you follow up with, "Ok, that has got to be the dumbest thing a guy has ever said to try to meet a cute girl but I think this frenzied shopping has turned my flirting powers to shit."

3. Comment-Question-Observe. Here you C,Q or O about something you see her doing or something you notice in the environment that you are both in. "Excuse me, I don't shop at this mall very often, but I have to buy a gift for my sister. You have a great sense of style. Could you recommend a good store?" Play dumb when she directs you to the store and hopefully she'll offer to walk you there herself, at which point you could ask her to help you pick something out.

4. Genuine intuition. This is a tough one for beginners and takes some practice, but blows women's minds when mastered. For example, there was a new waitress at a place I go to for breakfast. I watched her for awhile and could see that she was frustrated with the job and thinking about quitting. I could just SEE her thinking about it. So I said, "I can see you are thinking about quitting...where else have you applied for a job?" She looked at me stunned and asked how I could have known that. Then she kept coming back to my table to talk to me. She was flattered and impressed that I was perceptive and interested enough to sense what she was feeling. Later she asked if we could meet for coffee.

So, my point is this: don't sit around whining about the holidays or waiting for something to happen! Get your ass to your local mall or shopping center and get sarging! For the men, I especially recommend gourmet stores that sell gourmet chocolate, coffees, cheeses and other gift basket items. Women swarm these places. Also, women's shoe stores. And again, you are always shopping for your sister (even when its another girlfriend you are shopping for!)

P.S. Happy Hannukah to my fellow Hebrews! Here's hoping many hot babes "spin your dreidel" in 2008!

photo by Brave Heart via Flickr