So at first this was going to be a whole “Chronicle in the Life of a Hollywood Hipster” type of deal. But let's face it. I'm not a hipster, I am hip (in the non-sarcastic, semi-sincere sense), but definitely not a Hollywood Hipster. I hate Hollywood hipsters. Even more than that, I hate Silverlake/Los Feliz hipsters. You know them, they take themselves way too seriously with their severe haircuts and super tight pants. Bastards.

Anywho, like I said, this was going to start off as that. I got loaned a Helio Ocean for review and was going to take it with me, out and about in Hollywood and WeHo and Silverlake, Venice, blah blah and chronicle things/places/events I thought were cool.

Since I am not a hipster, though I can say from general consensus that I am kinda cool, kinda hip, in the know enough, I had to come up with another title for this other than the HH Guide to LA.

And yes, I get the lameness of the title and the more it seeped in – first, who actually calls themselves a hipster, secondly, didn't that word officially go out of modern vernacular about 4 years ago – the level of irony, I scraped that and came up with – well, I came up with nothing.

Thus, this little ditty of an entry is more a review of the Ocean and features a few of the things/places/events I happened to encounter when I actually remembered to take the damn thing out with me.

First, let me say that I love my phone – or at least I used to. Touchscreen, slide out keyboard, a little bulky but whatever. The Ocean had a lot to live up to. I have written articles on my phone, emailed addictively in traffic, had lots of Mew and Jeff Buckley beamed to it from my Powerbook (yes, I still have a Powerbook...).

Obviously from jump, the Ocean packs style points because of the dual sliding action. Switchblade or keyboard are what I like to call them. I could give you all the tech specs here because that's what I'm supposed to do but I'll just leave that until the end.

I took the phone to a few places around town: Happy Hour at Malo on Sunset- the friggin burnt habenero and creme fraiche salsa is addictive, working the Emmy's Governor's Ball at the Shrine (check out the ice bar) where I was placed upstairs, so I didn't get to see anyone drink and dash, my brief stint at the X-Games, which, let me tell you, I have been wanting to go to for years (I'm a closet adrenaline junkie), and last but certainly not least, the Helio Party at the Sunset Tower Hotel where I realized how madly in lust with Freddy Rodriguez (aka El Wray) I am and that I really do wish Paris Hilton would go on vacation, out of the country, for a really long time.

Here's a photo slideshow. Please forgive me for the size of them, however, I took them in the maximum size and they came out great but when I went to download them, the camera was in the smallest size (which I think it goes to by default whenever you turn the phone off/on). Apparently I'm not cool enough to download the photos in a size where people can see them without a magnifying glass.

So, I'm headed over the Hill to see the ex-boyfriend and since moving to the new place in Beachwood, I haven't been to his place. Hence, I can't take my trusty route down Crescent Heights and Laurel Canyon and it's 2 o'clock in the morning and we don't have internet access. Yay. We all know what kind of visit that was... Guess what - fucking Google Maps. Fuck yeah. Got me there at 2:10am, got me back at 4am. A life saver it is.

Another super nifty feature of the Ocean is the all in one mail center. Helio Mail, Text Messages, Yahoo Email and Messenger, AOL Email (which I'm not really sure people use anymore but whatever) and Messenger, Gmail, Hotmail and MSN Messenger, all in one area. My phone only supports Hotmail and MSN Messenger from its initial screen.

All in all, the phone's a little heavy but that's really not that big of a deal and there could be an easier way to get the battery out but otherwise, I would seriously consider getting one if I didn't have my phone - and Apple hadn't put out that damned iPhone. Damn you Steve Jobs!!!

Mostly what you need to know is this:
Weight: 5.61 oz
Screen size: 2.4 QVGA Display
Digital Camera: 2.0 Megapixel, digital zoom, built in flash
Video Camera: MPEG - 4 video recording
Talk time: Up to 5.1 hours
Applications include: the life saving Google Maps, the all in one mail area, storage card slot

Helio pic courtesy of Eric Raymond @ Rogers and Cowan
Slideshow by CDubya