
Look, LA I know I've acted distant lately, so I suppose I might as well be upfront with you. I've decided I'm leaving you for another city. Which one? Doesn't matter. The point is, I'm flying out of here in two days.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to admit that it's not working between us, because there's plenty of other people who love you and want to move in with you. I mean it's not like you're going to be heartbroken or anything. You're much too chilled out for that.
But just so you know, (and I know this sounds cliche) it's not you LA, it's me.
It's me that got laid off twice in the past year and worked crappy media and white collar jobs. My own hubris that made me choose to live in an infamously car-dominated city without a vehicle and attempt to travel and commute via my bike and public transportation despite all the laughs and incredulous comments from everyone else. It was my decision to share a smallish one-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica for $1,500 a month.

Critical Mass was about the only time I felt safe biking on LA's busy streets.
Then again, you certainly made things tough on me, too. For the most part, the Metro system is inefficient and horribly lacking compared with other city's public transportation systems. Last week, I had to wait for a bus on Sunset Boulevard for an hour and ten minutes and all the bus driver said in response to my question about the bus's timeliness was "Not my fault!" But because of my lack of transportation, I felt like I never got to know you very well.

I'll miss the wacky bohemians in Venice. I think.
I felt safe in my quiet Ocean Park neighborhood, but in other places? My friends and I once got mugged by a drunk 15-year old at Dockweiler Beach, and almost got assaulted by a group of gangbangers at Dodger Stadium, who proceeded to fight about a billion cops and security guards. Then there was the time a crazy homeless woman threw a dirty wallet in my face and demanded to know why I was trying to steal it from her. And that's not to mention how unsafe I felt while biking on treacherous parts of Wilshire and Pico.
It also bothers me to see such an extreme disparity between the rich and poor and how separated these two worlds are from each other. There are the predominately white upper-middle and rich classes that you serve so well with your opulent hotels and condos and ridiculously unnecessary spas, herbal food stores, overpriced salons, and upscale shops.
Then you have the second world of working poor serving them, and the homeless which hopes to get a few scraps from the first world. Sure, the disparity exists in other cities, but you're the worst, LA.

But I won't miss the paparazzi.
And as a son of the Midwest, I grew up loving traditional team sports, and most people are too busy taking their dogs for walks or waiting in line at Pinkberry to care. Sure, USC football, UCLA basketball and the Lakers and Dodgers have a certain following, but there's just too many other distractions in this town for people to care about sports. And did I mention that my city league softball team The Santa Monica Pier Pressure is 1-20 in the last two seasons? Losing hurts.
That said, LA, we had lots of good times, too. The lazy Corona-colored days at the beach, crisp nights thinking blue at the Chavez Ravine, strolling among the eccentric People Zoo of Venice, the simple delights of In-and-Out Burger and the Apple Pan and Diddy Reese in Westwood, enjoying quality shows at Amoeba, meeting interesting people at dive bars, riding wild in Santa Monica Critical Mass, bumping into a celebrity or two (What do you say to Jeremy Piven when he's using the urinal next to yours anyway? Or John Cleese when you almost hit him as he's walking to a flower shop?) and of course, 70 degree weather in December. I'll certainly miss that.

I'll certainly miss the weather. How could you not?
LA, you're certainly not completely the airheaded, fake-breasted, Babylonian hellhole that it's often portrayed as by the media and every other hack comedian. But you're just not completely for me. That's why I'm moving to Chicago. Oops, did I not mention that? Don't be jealous of the Second City though, there's countless aspiring screenwriters and actors moving from Chicago to you everyday. And I hear Garrison Keillor is crushing on you.
So, let's end this amicably. We can still be friends, right?

Midnight Movie: Patton Oswalt's 'Christmas Shoes'



I'm sad to hear that you had a series of bad experiences in LA.
It's true that LA has so many problems that are different from everywhere else in this country, but if you can look past it at times, you can fall in love with the unique beauty that it has to offer.
Yes, LA is very racially segregated, but each culture has so much to offer. Thai festivals and food in Thai Town, Chinese food in the SGV, awesome Mexican food everywhere -- just to name a few. We've also got a unique beach culture with cyclists along Santa Monica and boardwalkers in Venice. Cruising the beautiful Pacific Coastal Highway, hiking the Santa Monica mountains! And you CANNOT escape the amazing music scene here.
And yes, it's expensive, but it forces togetherness in a city of people so distant from each other. Roommates are a necessity, and if done correctly are a rewarding experience.
I understand why it is difficult for you to stay here, most of the time it's not easy. We're sad to see you go D.R., but please come back any time to experience what LA has to offer.
Your friends,
Henry & The Rest of Los Angeles
I'm glad you're going with it. I'm tired of hearing people complain about LA and not doing anything about it. Sometimes I feel, as a native, the midwesterners and easterners really give LA a bad reputation. The thing is they will continue to move out here because of that specific reputation, which is really strange, in my opinion. I'm pretty sure the class discrepancies you see here are everywhere... Oh well, good luck.
Nicely put D.R.
beautifully put, in fact.
if you ever decide to come back we'll keep LA warm for ya.
Too much other stuff to do to appreciate spectator sports? That's just a lame complaint.
Also I think anyone who moves to the west side with out a car knows what they're getting into.
I've lived in Glendale/Eagle Rock area most my life, and even experienced a bit of the valley during my college years. I've never "lived L.A." like you have and if I did, I'd probably do the same. Good luck in Chicago.
See ya. Be sure to pack extra warm clothes.
serendipityberry, i'm going to respectfully disagree on that one.
I think that a mass-transit mindset is what we need to get into. If all understand the need, and take action, then we can make that change. It's starting to feel like the ball is finally rolling on this issue with mayor Antonio...
But I think if we all continue to accept the "you can't live in LA without a car" attitude, nothing will ever get done.
Let this be the last midwesterner we lose from the Westside please.
Just moved to LA from Chicago three weeks ago, and if you're lamenting LA, let me set up a few of your future laments for ya just in case:
-the public transportation in Chicago is a GIANT mess. Slow trains, dead trains, broken trains and no trains. The commute times doubled or tripled throughout the city in the past year and the cost of taking the CTA is looking to go up yet again.
-Murder. And lots of it. North side, south side and west side. The east side is generally spared cuz of the lake, but I'm sure somebody's working on that, too.
-Disparity of rich and poor? Wow. Yeah. No need for me to explain -- you'll see it as soon as you get on the train. Or stand on a street corner. Or take a walk through the north side.
-the winters will wear, especially when waiting for that lovely bus or train to show. Warm boots? Gloves? Jacket? Scarf? Long underwear? Thermal hat? Buy them now -- it can happen any time from October 1st thru May 1st.
-Chicagoans do rally around the sports teams, but the sports teams are heartbreakers. Superbowl? Last year? I'm still in pain. The Cubs look good -- but the choke is the way they do. So be ready for it.
-Bacteria filled lake. Humidity that will make you sweat through your mattress. Drunken jaggoff loudmouths invading every great dive bar you happen to come accross. Frustrating and second-city minded arts scene. More than questionable practices among law enforcement, government and school administration.
So be ready. Actually, thinking about it more, Chicago and LA have a lot in common. Except for the weather. So, yeah. Good luck out there...
Good riddance. I'm sick of all these transplants from around the country trying to tell me what LA is all about, these people always want to say that LA is this or that. In reality, most of the bullshit that gets attributed to LA is a result of these same transplants trying to fit in with their own fucked up preconceived notion of "LA". All of these Midwest, Eastcoast types love to talk about how much better it is back in whatever shitty town their from, good, move back to bumfuck and stop giving our city a bad reputation.
good riddance! one less whiney midwesterner i have to stand in line with somewhere!
Wow, you picked the wrong city to live in without a car.
Pay no attention to the people complaning about public transportation in Chicago. It's actually pretty efficient, especially if you live near an el line, and far superior to LA's.
I'm with other posters who point out that you'll definitely find crime in Chicago. Be really careful about where you live. Yes, you can find much better deals on rent in Chicago, and you can find big beautiful apartments with hardwood floors and built-in woodword. But neighborhoods changed dramatically from block-to-block there. Get a local to help you choose a 'hood.
You'll also find a big racial and economic disparity there. While some neighborhoods are mixed, just go to a downtown blue-line el stop and watch all the white people get on the north-bound trains and all the blacks get on the south-bound ones.
Despite all that, Chicago is a great place to live if you can handle the winters. Wear long underwear all winter long. Invest in good warm shoes, a warm coat, and a hat. It doesn't matter if you look like an idiot - in Chicago, you only look like an idiot if you're trying to dress fashionably instead of for warmth. Once I got used to dressing for the winters I really didn't even mind them and in fact I really miss snow.
And enjoy Chicago! I lived there for 6 years, and though I prefer LA, Chicago holds a special place in my heart. From what you've described, it sounds like a much better fit for you.
as someone who moved from chicago in 85 i can attest and agree with you about how la sucks, except for the climate. but as fat as a city goes, la is the worst, no city vibe just stucco sprawl....
i cant wait for the race riots.
will the last white American please turn out the lights.
A couple points I deliberately left out of my essay.
-Actually, a big reason I'm moving to Chicago is that one of my best friends just bought a 3-bedroom condo on the northside near the lake and he guaranteed me work with his video production company. It just so happens that he bought the condo on the same day I got laid off from my last job. Also since I'm from central Illinois, I have a ton of friends that live in Chi-Town.
-My family still lives in central Illinois and they really wanted me to move back. I haven't seen them in almost a year. I have a producer uncle who lives in Hollywood I thought I'd see a lot more, but he's too busy livin' it up in France and shooting movies to see me.
Those factors played into my decision much more than public transportation, crime, or love of sports.
Thanks for all the kind words, guys. I truly will miss the city in a lot of ways!
your first mistake...
thinking that the west side is LA.
srry you are leaving. more room for me!
On a side note, I took that paparazzi picture (I took all the pictures except for the top one) because I had to cover the Lane Garrison story for work, and it was absolutely ridiculous. People were crushing each other to get a better picture of Lane Garrison crying. Truly one of those "only in LA" stories I'll never forget.
Don't worry, LA is over for now. It was a nice five year or so run. Too overrun with celebuards and hipsters. The hipsterism has reached critical mass - like the hairband critical mass of the late 80's. And this Manhattanization of LA is annoying and doomed to failure. If I wanted to live in NY, I'd live there. It's back to an early 90's down period for LA. Maybe somewhere cool like early 90's Seattle will emerge somewhere.
if seattle was cool in the 90s everyone wouldnt have been doing so much screaming and suiciding up there
Gee, I only just discovered your blog yesterday, and put it right into my Bookmarks, and the first day after, you're leaving!
Am I a jinx, or what?
Ryan - I'm sad to see you go and LAist will miss you. You of course are always welcome here and as a fellow Ocean Park neighbor, you always have a place to crash if you need to smell the ocean and again and walk amongst the freaks of Venice.
I will say that this is the deal with LA. People all around the country every day pack up their belongings and their dreams and move here and on those very same days here in LA, someone packs it up and moves onto to their next place. And truthfully, thank god people leave! Imagine how crowded it would be if every single person who moved here stayed? It's not an easy town, but it's a lifestyle choice just like anywhere else.
For those who are on the fence about staying or going, I would challenge you to really think about what part of LA you like and what part you don't and then make small changes to make the city what you want it to be. It's all here, it can just be so big that it's hard to find your niche. The Westside isn't for everyone but frankly neither is downtown living or the Valley. But whatever you want it's here and while there is economic disparity and crime and homelessness there is also cutting edge programs combatting those issues and a philosophy on life I think you'd be hard pressed to find elsewhere.
Best of luck Ryan!
"...Sure, the disparity exists in other cities, but you're the worst, LA...."
Nope. The poor and homeless are everywhere in the US (and worldwide) and people don't generally freeze solid and die in the streets in LA.
I don't have a car either, and although the LA transportation system really sucks, I have seen alot of the city.....just gotta make the effort.
Good luck where ever you are headed to, but remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Yeah there's a couple points you bring up... about L.A. having the worst disparity between rich and poor and the stereotype of us as disinterested Pinkberry junkies... and those are certainly broad strokes you paint. I'm thinking you'll find those thing with just about whatever big city you go to. But overall I hear what you're saying and good luck in Chicago.
As to biking in L.A. I'm sorry it was such a scary and demeaning experience for you. I bike 60 percent or more of my weekly work commute and if anybody laughs at me I laugh right back at them. And regarding what to say to Jeremy Piven when you're peeing next to him. Dude, you look down at your stuff and yell "Lloyd!"
I love this. There's no better homage to L.A. and it's peeps than a bad handed compliment. Bukowski would be proud.
Well done.
Lucio
i meant back handed compliment. :\
I wholeheartedly agree so much with you...espeically as a fellowing Chicagoan...
Best of luck!!!
Wherever "most people are too busy taking their dogs for walks or waiting in line at Pinkberry to care" about sports sounds like heaven to me, and I'm from the south! ;) Sorry you had it so rough here, but I have to agree Chicago will have the same if not worse disparity between rich and poor. As well as a whole lot less diversity, according to my Korean friend who lives there now.
But may you have better times!!
thanks for writing this, best of luck to you
Confucius met a man on the road, travelling from his home town to move to a new town. He asked Confucius, "Master, how do you find the people there?"
Confucius asked him, "How did you find the people where you came from?"
The man replied, "They are all no good; they lie, cheat, steal, and are lazy."
Confucius replied, "I think you will find that the people in the new town are much the same".
A little later another man travelling in the same direction as the first for the same reasons stopped Confucius and asked the same question.
Again Confucius asked him how he found the people to be where he came from.
the man replied, "They are great, hard working, honest, loving people."
Confucius answered, "I think you will find them to be the same".
--as related by James D. MacDonald on Making Light
Thanks for writing this. I'm from Chicago and all the points you made are the same exact reasons I love the Windy City. Chicago is a much better fit for you, or Portland.
Sigh, Another one bites the dust.
We'll miss you, Ryan.
you're still here? leave already, take your friends with you.
Henry D, I didn't mean to imply that I don't want public transportation to eventually make it to the westside - my fingers and toes and braids are crossed. I just think someone who doesn't want to drive at all can do a bit of homework and find a reasonable place to live in so it can be achieved. And actually, if someone is happy to stay on the Westside all the time, you actually can do that ok without a car too. Expecting to zip all over a town as big as LA or Chicago all the time is just unreasonable.
I'm not a vegetarian or a dog lover, but I don't see harm in walking your dogs or eating yogurt either. I don't mind if people want to live somewhere else, but I think a lot of these arguments are nothing new. It would have been cool if you went to a soccer game, maybe you'd see that different sports are popular here.