Why Dating/Hooking Up With Friends Isn't a Good Idea
It's Sex Saturday! That means April Smear is going to post a rant or question about all things sex. Let’s create a dialogue and attempt to understand the sexual underbelly of Los Angeles!
Thinking about one of my friend’s dating or hooking up with a guy that I used to date always makes me feel uneasy. To me, it just seems to go against nature. How do you react when you’re all hanging out? How do you share intimate secrets with your friend if they’ve already been there and “done” that? There’s too much a conflict of interest.
Nevertheless, I’ve been in this situation twice, and if I had it my way, I’d be in a third. Each occasion, I question what kind of person I am for getting myself into this mess, because ultimately, it ends up being a fucking catastrophe as someone always gets hurt.
The first time I dated two friends was in high school. I was a young girl that fell in love with a Guitar Player. Alas, the Guitar Player was still hung up on his ex. In between their good and bad times, he would date me, but eventually got back together with his former lover. In my distress, the Guitar Player’s friend came to my aid.
The budding friendship created a spark of physical attraction, and we began hanging out more and more. As our dating progressed, it became clear that it was affecting the Guitar Player and his friend’s relationship. The Guitar Player’s friend suggested we stop seeing each other. How did I end up broken-hearted twice? The pain was too much for my heart to handle and I vowed to never put myself in that kind of situation again.
With age comes maturity, except I continued to make the same mistake twice. I started dating the Suit and thought that things were headed down Relationship Road. Little did I know, the Suit would soon leave me high and dry and there wouldn’t be anything.
A year later on a totally unrelated note, I met one of the Suit’s friends, the Music Geek. We hit it off and he proceeded to wine and dine me like I had never experienced. Although I know the Music Geek liked me, once it became clear I used to date the Suit, I couldn’t help but feel that our dating was a means to “one up” his friend. Within time, the relationship fizzled. Luckily, I came out of the situation relatively unscathed, but said to myself, “Hey April, maybe you should stop dating friends.”
Fast forward today. A couple years ago I met a Designer that I totally fell for, except I knew that it would never progress into anything serious. So I took it for what it was - an amazing sexual relationship. The Designer ended up moving to NY and that was that. No harm, no foul…yet. A couple of weeks ago, I ended up meeting one of the Designer’s super hot best friends at a restaurant in LA. Although it pains me to say it, I was totally into him. Thank God he has a girlfriend, because if he didn’t, I’d end up in another sticky situation.
I totally understand that when you start feeling attracted to your ex’s friend, red flags and sirens should go off in your head and you must say, “Abort mission! Danger! Danger!” How do I keep ending up in this mess? Birds of a feather flock together. If you’re really into a guy, whether it be for his personality or style, chances are you’ll end up being attracted to one of his friends. Is it just me? If LA is such a big place, why am I attracted to the guys in the same social circles?
Top photo by KateMonkey, bottom photo by think cink, both via Flickr