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I am a polite, mild-mannered person. Laid-back would be a good L.A. way of saying it - I say duuude a lot, about as much as I say "please" and "thank you". I hold doors open for people. I am kind to the elderly, even those who try to strike up conversations with me in elevators, despite my extraordinary claustrophobia. The peccadilloes and perversities of human nature that draw other, less mellow people to mouth off usually just strike me as strange and fascinating.
There is, of course, one exception. It's how you goddamn m-effing sonsabitches DRIVE in this bloody m-effing jesuschristinahandbag city. SERIOUSLY HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE YOUR HEADS UP YOUR ASSES?!?!? There's not a day goes by I want to take one of you out of your cars and SHAKE you. I wouldn't really, of course, cause I'm not like that, and I wouldn't want to run the risk of causing any terrible accidents. But I'd at least give you a stern talking-to. VERY STERN.
L.A. DRIVING HABIT THAT DRIVES ME TO MADNESS MOST OF ALL: Hey you in the left-hand turn lane! It's awesome you get your own lane, and we all enjoy a nice, protected left turn. But can you PULL UP FURTHER so that there's not another entire car-length (or more!) of space between you and the car in front of you? There's a lot of people waiting to get into that nice left-turn lane, and they're lined up so far back that they're BLOCKING THROUGH TRAFFIC in the lane right next to them. You're holding up an entire busy lane of Sunset Boulevard thanks to your lazy-ass lack of depth perception. Mothermaryofgodinabucket I hope your toenails curl up, dry out, and drop off.
That's ain't the half of it, though. One of the key rules of driving that was instilled in me from the time I turned fourteen (which is when Angelenos get taken out to empty parking lots and taught how to drive stick) is so simple, and yet so ignored: USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL. All the time. No matter what. If you're in a clearly marked right-turn lane? Use it. All the time. As my dad says, give other people every indication of what you're going to do no matter how obvious it might be.
Rubber-necking at accidents. How many times have you been caught in some ridiculously frustrating, totally-unexplained bottleneck at some odd hour of the day, only to find out that it's some accident moved over to the shoulder (emergency personnel at hand, of course), that everybody's SLOWING DOWN TO LOOK AT. Listen. I know you're all freaky voyeurs, but if you have to make a choice between SUCKASS TRAFFIC and getting a slight glimpse of injured and miserable people (which - come on, is kinda sick), which would you choose? My point.
When you're stopped on steep hills, be respectful of the car in front of you: okay, this is a slight revision of my first rule, but it does matter if you're on a slope behind (or driving) a stick-shift. We need space to get into gear, which means we'll be rolling backwards a bit. Give us a bit of room - not a mothereffin car-length, but a bit.
Things that bug the gorrang-hell out of me that I know will never ever change:
- seeing somebody make some jackass move only to find they're (wait for it!)...ON A CELL PHONE!
- all you people who insist on driving huge SUVs and trucks around the extremely narrow side streets of Hollywood (the same people who seem to relish jamming their giant vehicles into compact parking spots).
- that guy in the fast sports car who decides to insert himself into a slow-moving lane of freeway traffic at the VERY LAST MINUTE (bypassing all of us poor souls who are actually waiting our turn to get on the 101). Fuck you, guy. Fuck you. Baby Jesus wept bitter tears of fire when you were born.
The thing I'm really trying to say here, is of course: think about your fellow driver. Wait your turn. Don't ride up on somebody's bumper, but don't go 25 mph in a 40 zone (it happens. A LOT.) Make sure you signal before turning through that stoplight.
Everybody's got to sit through the same traffic: how many times has some speed-demon done some crazy move to get ahead of the slowpokes, and then you find him sitting at the exact same light as the rest of us mortals? It's karma, dude: spread the driving love around and you'll get plenty back in return.
photo by fernando [pixelstains] via flickr
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Man, I'm really excited about the neighborhood project so we can get back to everyone talking about how great LA is instead of talking shit about the city we, love it or hate it, all live in.
Maybe it's just me, but I was under the impression that LAist was supposed to be a site where people could wax on the quirky greatness of this city instead of a site where people take cheap shots at people (there are assholes in every city, by the way, including NYC) and comment on the most cliched problem we have. We know traffic sucks. We know drivers can be annoying. Yes it is frustrating, but can we please just move on and get to talking about how great this city actually is, warts and all?
I just wrote yesterday about how great it is to go to the farmer's market in L.A. Did you check that out? Or did you just ignore it and move on without commenting? I also wrote a few weeks ago about how Werner Herzog says that Los Angeles is the place of most substance in the whole country. Or did you not see that either? Have you noticed all the glowing food reviews I've written about the great eats you can find here? No?
I've lived in Los Angeles for twenty seven years now; I figure I deserve to complain about stupid drivers if I want. And hey: if people START PULLING UP IN THE GODDAMN LEFT HAND TURN LANE instead of blocking traffic, then I've actually done a service to the city. What have *you* done today for your fellow citizens?
One of my biggest peeves are cars and SUVs parked in spaces marked "compact" that aren't compact. A Geo Metro is a compact car. A Toyota Prius is a compact car.
A Toyota Camry is not a compact car. A Hummer H2 is not a compact car.
That's my contribution to this conversation. Merci beaucoup.
i dont know... i see the importance in venting. yes its a cliche- but "LA drivers" (most being transplants who give the real angelenos a bad name) ARE the worst ive seen. and im from ny- where its true, assholes abound, but at least they dont all drive. most of my friends, now in mid-twenties, STILL dont even have their drivers licenses.
but the absolute worst? Those fuckers who roll up to the right of you when youre stopped at a red light, with the intention of gunning it to bust in front of you before you reach the other side of the intersection. i hate that. its obnoxious and extremely dangerous- especially when the person at the light is like me and will do everything in my 1.5L engine capabilities to keep them from getting in. Yes, that makes me part of the problem, but oh it makes me smile to see those jerks get stuck going back to the end of the line of cars- where they started.
the real solution? wake up earlier and opt for a bus. youll have your nose buried in a book and wont care when joe-asshole is trying to pass you on the right. it really is amazing the huge difference i see in my mood by not driving- even though it involves sacrificing precious sleep.
and i dont think a prius is compact... its really quite bulky.
Yes, I've seen the great reviews you've filed. I have enjoyed them and I don't mean to imply that you don't love the city.
You are certainly entitled to complain about this shit, I'm just fearful that people will take the opportunity to knock LA for a problem, in this case the traffic, that exists because too many people want to live here (and, if you really want to get in to it, because our politicians are short sighted). It's ironic that everyone who moves here complains about the traffic though their moving here is precisely why we have traffic.
And don't go all personal, asking what I've done for the city. As a lifelong resident I have just as much of a right to comment as you.
Everywhere I go I hear people complain about LA for all the wrong reasons... if it wasn't 80 and gorgeous everyday, people would have more to complain about than just traffic. But we should enjoy both now, at least according to today's report that has LA County up to 13 million by mid-century (and Riverside County tripling).
Any leads on a new natural water resource?
I'm actually not complaining about traffic so much as I am complaining about stupid things drivers do that if rectified would do a lot to improve the general mood of commuters. Seriously. People. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pull up into that left hand lane. Please.
And my "what have you done lately for the city" comment was generally directed, didn't mean to pry. Although now I'm intrigued!!! ;)
Maybe we wouldn't even be having this 'discussion' if our leaders got their heads out of their asses and build some real public transportation infrastructure.
It never ceases to amaze me that for a county of 10 million people, the only way for most of us to get around is a freaking bus, which is quite possibly the most inefficient answer to our problems (besides those idiotic carpool lanes).
As far as i'm concerned, LA will always suck until we fix this problem. Sure, we are one of the most diverse, unique populations in America, but for people like me who live outside the grid, what is the point of going to LA when your day consists of sweating in traffic, breathing in exhaust fumes, and opening your wallet everytime you throw it into park?
well im glad you guys haven't driven in Miami, Florida. I became a road rage driver after moving to miami from losangeles and ill tell you, give me los angeles traffic any day and I MEAN ANY DAY.
The stupidity you go through with some drivers I go through 10 times as bad and as many times.
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love your city. I know I do, and miss it everyday.
My biggest pet peeve is people who stop on a major street to allow someone on a minor street to make a left-hand turn into traffic.
In theory, it seems like the person allowing the left-turn car into traffic is a nice-guy, considerate driver. In reality, nice-guy-driver is only in 1 lane of traffic, and in most cases the people in the other lanes are not nice guys and are not stopping to allow left-turn-car into traffic, and all nice-guy is doing is holding up all the traffic behind him. So if nice-guy would just continue on his way, following the traffic laws, then left-turn-car could make the turn when there's an opening in traffic from both directions. And if there's no opening, left-turn-car will just need to make a right turn and go around the block.
Carrie, I'm totally high-fiving you right now. You've hit on all the things that irk me the most, which all fall under the umbrella of people having little to no awareness that although they are inside their own cars there is a whole world going on around them.
I think it does touch on the idea that we are a self-centered city, partly encouraged by the dominant "car culture" and the lack of a public transit system that is accessible and without stigma. I think because there tends to be a lot of economic privilege here (as in other urban centers, of course) that behavior manifests itself in traffic culture, hence the ominpresent SUV parked in the compact space (I parked my tres compact Prius in a compact space next to a Toyota Sequoia jammed into a compact space at the Sherman Oaks Galleria this weekend and left the Sequoia owner a note reminding them that they did not, in fact, drive a compact) and the constant jackass moves (too slow, no signalling, drifting out of lane bounds, etc) pulled by people having cellphone conversations. We've bred our own culture!
I was taught to drive here, and had it instilled in me that a large percentage of driving (which is a privilege, not a right) is about an awareness of everyone else. I think if we resolved that mode of conduct--in driving, and (let's all hold hands now) other social spheres--we'd all be much happier.
Agreed, it speeks to a larger problem- has anyone else noticed how inconsiderate people are in general these days and not just in LA. Along with the childhood obesity I blame parents.
FYI if some jackass ever gets too close to your rear while you're trying to put it into gear and you roll back and hit them- it's by law their fault. Not saying you want to go through all that, but just so you know.
How about those cars you see swerving in and out of traffic and riding people's bumpers only to be stopped at the next stop light with everyone else. I like speed as much as the next guy but speeding get's you nowhere in LA so just take it easy it out there, you'll be stopped at the next light anyway.
I seriously think there should be some sort of IQ test before people are allowed to get their license. Either that or they need to make the driver's test WAY harder. Now that I think about it, that would be a great way to encourage fewer drivers and more public transportation use, actually! DUMB KIDS GET ON THE BUS!!!
I'm down for that. And older drivers need to be tested FREQUENTLY.
Those areas on the road marked "keep clear" should really be kept clear. I don't think people try hard enough.
Anytime this topic comes up for conversation it gets my blood boiling. The solution to this is to have a Public Consideration class to go with the written and driving test. Half the problems in traffic, rubbernecking, cell phones, signals, parking, speed, etc are due to people being off in their own world. If you are ticketed for a moving violation you should also have to take the class as well. If everyone put a conscious effort to be aware of their driving surroundings then all the problems are solved.
Thank you so much for writing this. I have wanted to do the same but probably would have filled the whole article with profanities.
Please pass on the word. Drive Considerately LA.
Ha ha ha! Johnny, I think I *did* fill the article with profanities. :)
But I second that: DRIVE CONSIDERATELY, LOS ANGELES!!!!
I've started taking pictures of stupid drivers (mainly people with the GoldLine crossing bar sitting on their hood or roof) while I'm safely a few cars away waiting for the train to pass (silently praying the train will strike the car and the cars who are 2-inches behind them). There is no real way to "learn" how to drive safely - it's not until you get into an accident and hurt yourself that you realize you are driving like an asshole.
Just ask Brandy.
People should mount video cameras on their dashboard and video their drive and post the clips of the dangerous people here.