Agnostic Angelena Meets New York Jew
Bartender called. He was being super nice and suggested that we go out again. I told him that I was busy the next couple of days and that I'd call him when I was free, but I won't. Despite our similar tastes, his pleasant manner and generosity, I can't deny his complete inability to get me off. Since that is the case, it would never work out…ever.
The other night I headed over to a West Hollywood bar to catch up and hang out with some friends. While waiting for my drink, this guy came up to me and struck up a conversation. He revealed that he was a New York Jew, recently relocated to Los Angeles to try his luck with the entertainment industry. Even though he wasn't my usual type, he had the face of a baby and flirted like crazy, so I was naturally pleased. There's nothing more satisfying than boldness in men, to be pursued and taken. I ended up meeting New York Jew's friends, and he mine, and we all enjoyed each other's company. We then moved locations from the bar counter to a booth, where New York Jew grabbed my waist and kissed me. And boy, it was hot. For a while there was some serious necking going on, and I had to remind myself that PDA isn't sexy, just annoying, so I put on my brakes and told him that he should too.
By this time our respective groups decided to head out and go home. Somewhere between the walk from the bar to the valet, it was made so that I had to drive New York Jew to his place, which wasn't very far. When we got there I had to pee like a motherfucker so he let me in to his apartment. After I got out of the bathroom, NYJ asked me to stay, but I told him I couldn't, as I didn't want to end up in one night stand territory. He affirmed, "Yes, you can stay!" picked me up and threw me on his bed. Once again, super hot. Things started to get pretty heavy and I became aware of the fact the NYJ had a huge wiener. Okay, lots of physical chemistry, he's pushing all the right buttons, he has a huge dick. At this point I decided to just resign myself to the fact that I was going to have sex with the New York Jew, in spite of feeling that it may be wrong. But how can you turn down a good thing?
New York Jew proceeded to blow my mind for the next hour, but he would say off the wall things that would distract me from my pleasure-fest. Some of these included, "Do you want me to put it in your ass?", "Yeaaahh, how does it feel to be fucked by a big dick?", "Are your boobs fake?" and my personal favorite, "Now that I've fucked you good, I want you to kiss it [his wiener]." My responses were,"No, that's designated for BF's on holidays, like Easter.", "Uhhh, good?", "Yeah!", and "Ugh, no!" in which NYJ would reply, "Oh, I just wanted to see what you would say." Yeah sure, buddy. Why do some guys try to imitate porn? It's mind-boggling. I'm all for sexual deviance, but let's cut the cheese factor. After I could have sex no more, I realized it was three in the morning. Unfortunately for me, I still had to drive home and be back at work in five hours. NYJ offered for me to stay with him for the evening, but I told him no, put on my clothes and went back to my place.
As I put on my PJ's and washed my face, it came to my attention that I had two huge hickies on my neck. What the fuck? How have I made it through high school and college, and now of all times, I have love bites all over me? As everyone in LA knows, it's been scorching hot these past two days and I've been wearing turtlenecks the whole time. Needless to say, it's a huge bummer. In addition, I've developed a huge bruise on my butt from when NYJ smacked me on my ass. Ahh, the price you pay for pleasure!
I don't know why, but it's been too easy to meet guys recently. It's probably the pheromones. No, it definitely is. Despite this, I'm taking a break for the next week so I can recover and regroup. I can already tell it's going to be an interesting summer.
Photo by April Smear for LAist