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So Sports Guy and I have been seeing each other quite a bit these days, I’ve met his friends, he’s met mine (they all highly approve, or at least that’s what they say), we’ve gone out on the town, over to dive bars, to the movies and stayed in together. He even taught me a little about the Indy 500 and why the guy who won isn’t JUST Ashley Judd’s husband. He brought me to Hollywood Park and taught me about betting on horses, and I made him two indie rock mixes to expand his musical horizons from Jay Z and Biggie, which I think are currently the only CD’s in his car.
Sports Guy is great- we’re having the best time together and besides for being a tad too much into sports and Saved By the Bell repeats, there aren’t any real red flags. I like Sports Guy more and more each day, and while a week and a half ago I was trying to avoid having the “what are we talk” as much as possible, after this weekend of logging in numerous Sports Guy hours, I kind of want him to bring it up. That’s right, I think I want Sports Guy to be my boyfriend.
Like officially.
I know, I know, “Single Jew Girl, why don’t YOU just bring it up?” is probably what you’re thinking, but right or wrong I’ve had a strict policy since I started dating at 16, that the guy I’m seeing must bring up the “what are we talk” first or else it doesn’t count. They also have to say the “L” word first or else it doesn’t count either. Crazy and insecure, I know, but it’s my policy and I’m sticking to it.
Having said that, Sports Guy HAS in fact talked about our relationship status, albeit when he’s had a few beers. We all know that alcohol can be truth serum, and the things he says are wonderful- “I adore you”, “I’m crazy about you Single Jew Girl”-all fantastic, but I’d trust it more if it were coming from a sober place and not right after sex.
So, after a fabulous weekend with Sports Guy when I was pretty sure “the talk” would happen it didn’t, and needless to say I’m a little disappointed, even though I know he isn’t seeing anyone else.
That is why I’m going to try and push my Jewish guilt aside and go on more Jdates until Sports Guy tells me how he feels when we’re not out at the bar, and preferably during daylight hours. Nothing counts until then, right?
Speaking of Jdates, Bachelor #3 from last week, the guy I had so much in common with (including our college pot dealer) has not called. He emailed me a “had a great time we should hang out soon” email a few days after the event but nothing else. This was the guy who felt the need to sit right next to me in the middle of the bar, grab my face and make out with me I was so damn irresistible. Then nothing.
Why do guys do that?
It may be a bit controversial, and I admit he can be a tool, but I totally subscribe to author Greg Behrendt’s theory of “he’s just not that into you.” I totally believe that if he’s not calling you or showing interest, cut your losses and move on.
And I don’t believe that Bachelor #3 is that into me, which is fine, but WHY the need to make out with me in public? Why go through that whole dog and pony show, slobber all over my face, make me feel super self conscious in front of other bar patrons, just to not call? I mean really.
So I have drinks scheduled with Bachelor #4 this week, a seemingly boring but polite and nice guy, on a night when Sports Guy is working, and although I feel a little guilty I’m going through with it anyway. Maybe my Jewish Princessness is coming out- I didn’t get what I wanted (a status update from Sports Guy) so now I’m reacting. Either way, Bachelor #4 is on the horizon and hopefully a “talk” with Sports Guy is too. Stay tuned…
Photo by rachel sian
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Ok, so if a guy doesn't call and doesn't seem interested, then you should probably conclude that he is, in fact, not that into you. This theory is controversial?
Anyway, why DO guys do that? Maybe he met a nice Sports Gal and wants to pursue that path...
Speaking of adoration, I adore reading your column.
Jewish Girls deserve the Best!
I'm not sure why LAist is publishing this series. The whole thing kind of sucked for us single people who wanted to hear your online dating trials and tribulations. You had 2 decent dates and then fell in love w/ a guy you didn't meet online. Speaking for myself that's pretty sickening and not at all what we wanted to happen. You however should feel lucky to have met this guy.
Well now I'm hoping to read about you screwing things up with Sports Guy. You like a guy and you're going to keep going on dates just because he hasn't had some talk with you that you're waiting for in your head and he has no clue about? How could your going on more dates help your relationship with someone you say you really like?
How could your going on more dates help your relationship with someone you say you really like?
----seriously tho.
I never said, it will HELP my relationship, all it will do is give me perspective and reel me back in from getting too serious w/ sports guy too early on.
Sorry if my dating hasn't been up to par or what you expected "jeez" but its real life and its what happened over the time span of a month- 4 jdates and i met another guy too- maybe I should have done this column as a creative writing one, where I could create fictional dates to entertain you.
Yeah, the fiction idea is much better. Or since your original focus was online dating you could have stuck to that, not really mentioned Sports Guy or mentioned him briefly. As it is, it's now beginning to seem like we're just reading your personal love diary and the focus is gone.
I'd be interested in hearing what Jen says from "Living in Sin" about your strategy for keeping things in perspective. Maybe you should write in?
Anyway, you do have my interest again with your approach to relationships and I'd be disappointed if I didn't find out how things end up. Keep up the good work.
Just my 2-cents...
I usually have the "exclusivity" talk as part of the "safer sex" talk. That doesn't have to be the first time, but maybe when they want to give up on dental dams or condoms for BJs. Then it is matter-of-face instead of emotional.
I have found guys' definition of dating which means they have your number in a drawer with a few others and when they are bored they call one of the girls until someone is home. Then they don't understand why you care that they haven't called for 2 weeks.
PS. A real relationship is much more important than "getting the story". Screw the blog. Or change the title.
Speak for yourself, jeez, I'm all about hearing the inner workings of the human female brain. Nothing is so fascinating while equally and simultaneously frustrating. And this little dating-another-guy stunt? Worst. Idea. Ever. Perhaps it's just me, but if I found out about that, it's ovah. You can try to justify it to yourself as fair play, since you've not had "the talk," but you said yourself in this very article that you "...know he isn’t seeing anyone else," implying that that would be a bad thing.
Because it is.
$.02 from a serial dater.
So, despite the fact that this series has taken a left turn into Meeting People in Realtime-ville, what makes you respond to guys who e-mail you on JDate?
regarding your question about why he tried to make out with you and didn't call back...from a guy's perspective, i wouldn't necessarily assume that he likes just because he tries to make out with you...contradictory as that may sound, some guys will just try and make out with the girl hoping to score that night even if they're not into her...he may figure he really doesn't have much to lose since he may only be looking to get laid...i could be wrong though, guys on jdate may be different, but in general, i don't think it's so far off..
Well, I like this column for the female insight, and I love that the real world beat out the online crap! As a guy, I totally understand still dating other people, it keeps perspective. Too easy to put all your eggs in a what you think is a basket... These days I think guys know that unless it's made official, your woman could still be checking out your competition. Its all fair play, especially in So Cal.
To BB's point though, some guys can fake sincerity just to screw, but not me. If I did that, I sure as hell would have called by now!
When's your bachelor #4 date? We want the detes, pronto!
Great stuff, Single Girl. Is Sports Guy still adoring you? You haven't said.
The "I really like you, but never want to see you again" of Bachelor #3 is common, sad to say.
Looking forward to the next entry and photo.