Living In Sin: Checking Out the Checkout
Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.
Dear Jen,
There are many times when I'm buying a cup of coffee or a sandwich or something, and the girl at the cash register has some stunningly beautiful feature -- eyes usually -- and I feel compelled to compliment her. I never say anything though, because I don't know if that would be awkward. So I'm wondering, am I right in keeping it to myself? Would most women be flattered or creeped out, and what does it depend on?
- The Sound of Silence
Dear Silence,
I am pleased to report that I am friends with The Funniest Person in the World (as well as about 100 runners-up). I can't be in his house for more than ten minutes without finding myself clinging helplessly to furniture, banging my head against the wall or doubled over as if I'm begging for someone to kick me. He's been happily married to the same woman for over 15 years, and although she is sweet as pie, the woman has the sense of humor of a bowl of pudding. While the rest of us are teary-eyed, red-faced and stumbling around screaming for help, she sits there, nervously smiling as if she just sat in something wet.
"Oh the waste!" I think as I drive away. All that precious hilarity that goes soaring over her head only to land in a stinking, rotting heap in the corner when they're alone! It kills me, it really does. So many people starving for laughter in the world and there they are, feeding caviar to the flies. I can't stand it. I really just can't.
I feel much the same way about undelivered compliments - the ones we don't give to each other or to ourselves. We are on this planet but once as the we that is we, and to spend it thinking we are anything less than fabulous is a shameful waste. Our purpose is to make ourselves and everyone around us happy, and believe me, getting a compliment, even if you need a cooty shot afterwards, is still a compliment. She'll simply think, "that guy was weird, but oh yeah, I'm hot". And you should feel good about making someone feel hot, and also that you had the cojones to do it, regardless of her response, because you know you were coming from a genuine place.
But since we're all still learning how to not live our lives according to other people's opinions of us, here are some pointers:
Uncreepy: Complimenting her while looking in her eyes and smiling.
Creepy: Complimenting her while staring at her chest.
Uncreepy: Smiling, no big dealing, and walking away.
Creepy: Lingering, staring, wiggling your fingers, wanting something in return.
Uncreepy: Following up with a lovely chat.
Creepy: Touching her.
It's about how you say it, not what you say, so be light and fun and happy about it, and so will she. And practice makes perfect, so do it as much as you can. And lastly, to sort of quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel like a dick-twiddling pervert without your permission," so give yourself a break.