The following is written by my roommate who would like to stay anonymous for obvious reasons. Our friends always say that our "girl talks" should be in LAist or somewhere, so my roommate took me up on the dare to explain how she returned from Big Bear after a weekend with a Little Johnson and a huge smile.
Ladies: have you ever been so excited about finally hooking up with your dude, that you’re actually TOO excited to be/get wet? Y’know, ‘cause maybe you haven’t seen each other in a long time, or you’re still getting to know each other, but you both are TOTALLY realizing how into each other you are...or maybe you’re both just really in love...well, this brings me to the issue of size, ladies (and gentlemen.)
Now, I have been accused of being a shameless size-queen in the past, believe it or not – my girlfriends like Staci actually marveled at the size of the dildo I had at one point and compared it to my stature (I'm barely a size 2). But I remind them that I have also been with amazingly awesome lovers who were NOT hung like horses, but they never want to talk about them. WELL THEY SHOULD!
Like right now, I’m all totally into this guy who happens to be simultaneously the smallest AND the biggest dude I’ve ever been with. As in he’s this husky, hulking, gi-normous behemoth of a dude, and he just drives me completely batshit outta control...when I hear his voice I start melting...and when I get to finally BE with him – fuhgedaboudit! I’m so excited it literally takes, like, fifteen minutes once we finally get into bed, to calm down enough just so’s I can stop admiring his hugeness and start getting down to business.
He also happens to be big everywhere except below the belt. He actually made a small comment about it at one point, (haha! no pun intended!) when we were together recently after a long separation, because he was all like, “Dude – we need some lube...” and it was clear he felt kinda bad about his “being small”.
So I was all, “DUDE! As if!” I had to explain that I’m such a geek that I was literally TOO excited over finally being naked in bed with him for a WHOLE weekend, that I was quite simply too distracted to focus!
Anyway, once we handled the issue of my A.D.D., well – lemme tell ya – that boy ROCKED my world all night long! And the best part? Okay, let me change that to: a GREAT side benefit to the whole thing? Duh! NO soreness! No being so swollen it TOTALLY hurts to pee! Yay for ONLY pleasure and NO pain! Keep it coming, baby!
Yeah, for reals, people! It’s not a size thing, duh! It’s a smell-touch-feel-sound-rock-my-rhythm -and-tickle-my-blues-swallow-me-whole-and-wrap-me-up-to-GO, baby!!! thing.
Use it...use it all...and use it well, gentlemen. If a woman likes you, it doesn't matter who she has been with in the past or even the recent past. Whatever you have will be wonderful. Ignore the monster dildo looming over you in the corner and hehe even ignore it if she doesn't get wet right away. Just be with her and know she wants to be with you. That’s what counts... mmmmmm hmmmm!
"Lift Off" by Aussie Gall
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"I'm all..." "He's all..." Thanks for this window into the mind of a halfwit.
i'm normally not much of a "leave a comment" kind of guy but i thought i'd make an exception 'cuz the previous comment was kind of harsh. . . some people write the way they talk, some people write using "proper" english, some people write using some other style. . .
i may not like everything i read, but i personally wouldn't tell someone they were stupid if i came across something that i thought was poorly written or insipid. . . but then again, that's probably 'cuz my grammar is horrific (never been a big fan of the shift key) and most everything *i* talk about is insipid. . .
anyway, i figured i'd point out that i thought it was a decent post - funny, entertaining, informative. . . if the purpose was a quick, light, slightly humorous post that intended to sound somewhat conversational, i'd say you hit the mark. . . if not then, um, i guess that'd make me the halfwit. . .
jezz, JT - seriously! Take a freakin' CHILL PILL, beatccccchhhhh!!!!! AS IF!!!!! thank you bloopy, for pointing out the OB-VI-fuckin'-OUS to mr. NAZI over there - sheeitte! ugh! I woulds hate to have to EVER deal with YOU in real life, JT guy! 'cuz i'd be all, like, "DUDE!!!! CHILL the Fuck OUT!!!!!!! omg & stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I can only hope this comment. like, TOTALLY riles your shit UP, Nazi Boy!!!!!! EEEhhhccckkkk!!!!!!!! on you! phbbbbtttttttt! too!
Hopefully jzbl is just providing us with a sample of what modern discourse will soon be like if we continue to let the Aussie Gall's of the world slide. If only the movie Idiocracy wasn't so fucking right.