Most vanilla Oscars ever. Ellen DeGeneres wasn't a bad host. But she wasn't a good one. Her mildly funny jokes and conversational good nature made it feel like we were watching a daytime talk show host wallowing in the oversized britches of a big-time awards ceremony. Oh wait, we were. Thank you, Ellen DeGeneres, for proving that queers can be as bland and conventional as breeders.
Jerry Seinfeld's presentation of the feature documentary award was so spot-on funny it made me wonder: why isn't he hosting the Oscars?
Celine Dion's "tribute" to Ennio Morricone was the most awkward musical pairing since Elliott Smith stood between Trisha Yearwood and Celine Dion after performing "Miss Misery."
The dance vignettes from Pilobolus were inventive and mercifully brief, but it almost made me long for last year's emotive, Debbie Allen choreographed terribleness. What else are we going to laugh at in an awards show this stale?
Idi Amin has a posse! Everyone's noting the startling look-alike quality of Forest Whitaker and Idi Amin, but don't forget Yaphet Kotto's portrayal of the Ugandan dictator in Raid at Entebbe. Now that's a doppelganger. And let's not forget Amin himself, so amazingly depicted by Barbet Schroeder in the 1974 documentary Idi Amin Dada.
Jennifer Hudson gave a rousing performance made all the more compelling by the struggle of her breasts to escape from her dress. The right one almost made it, but alas freedom was not to be found.
Kate Winslet is gorgeous no matter what, but somehow I never really like the dresses she chooses for the Oscars. (Icky color of the evening: seafoam green. See also: Beyoncé on the red carpet.)
Milena Canonero is a terrific costume designer. Why is she dressing like a lesbian matador?
Somebody please buy Philip Seymour Hoffman a comb. And a vat of shampoo. Love the acting. Hate the greasy, matted hair. Did he forget he was presenting at an awards ceremony, or did he attend in character as a homeless person?
Helen Mirren looked amazing. I have to disagree with her assessment of her bottom as "enormous." I have to agree with her assessment that most women look atrocious in shorts.
A bald Jack Nicholson. I'm still trying to digest that one. Apparently he's playing a cancer patient in a film he's currently shooting. For real.
Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Anika Noni Rose, Rinko Kikuchi, Emily Blunt, Isla Fisher, Naomi Watts, Portia de Rossi, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jada Pinket Smith -- they all looked great.
Adriana Barraza looked better in the introductory Oscar video when her hair was nicely and simply styled than she did at the awards show with her hair poofed into a helmet. But she was awesome in Babel.
Eva Green looked like she was channeling Claudia Cardinale in Luchino Visconti's The Leopard -- but not in a good way.
Looks must run in the Cruz family because Monica is nearly as beautiful as her more famous sister, Penelope Cruz.
Faye Dunaway is looking more feline every day. Goddammit! You're Faye Dunaway, and don't you forget it!
Ohmygod! Diane Keaton showed up at an awards ceremony looking good! No, not just good. She looked great!!! Hoorah for her.
Jodie Foster's choppy, frosted hairdo looks halfway between suburban mom and bird-brained floozy. The power of a stylist compels you: return to blunter cuts.
Damn, it sorta sucks to be among a group of people who win an Oscar. The first person gets to thank a bunch of people. The second person is lucky if they get in two sentences. The rest of the team gets assed out. Maybe the Academy should consider giving group winners an extra minute for their speech.
SCORSESE!!!!!!!!
How cool that Martin Scorsese received his award from Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. Nice to see the big four film schools represented on stage at once: NYU, UCLA, USC and Long Beach State.
MEMO TO ALL AWARD WINNERS: The one thing you absolutely cannot, should not and must not do during your brief acceptance speech is waste time fumbling around and saying something to the effect of, "Gee, I know I don't have a lot of time up here..." That's right. You don't have a lot of time up there. Make it count.
Creepiest Moment During the Post-Oscars Barbara Walters Special: Taylor Hackford describing how he met his wife Helen Mirren on the set of White Nights. "At first it was purely physical. She's a very sexual woman. But then I realized there was substance underneath." Gag... gag... gag... demeaning... gag... gag...
AP photo by Reed Saxon
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bravo! thanks for the vindication!
Excellent commentary. I agree with everything moreso I agree with you on Philip Seymour Hoffman's hair. What was that all about?!?! I love the guy as an actor, he's amazingly versatile, but I'm worried about his sanity. I think he's losing it!
I agree with everything except about Jodie Foster. I thought she looked better than ever.
But overall: boooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnng! I couldn't even watch it after a couple minutes with that guy who introed the commercials. Who was he, and why was he there? Oh wait, I don't care. I had to tune out and ended up coming back every half-hour or so for an update. That would last for about 30 seconds, max. Then I'd have to go back to the scintillating programming on the Food Network (or was it the Wings Channel? I forget).
I loved Martin. I loved Ennio. I loved Forest. I loved Helen. I did not love the show's production. Bleh.
Philip Seymour Hoffman's hair looked matted because it was just put in dreadlocks for Jack Goes Boating, a play he is doing in New York for LAByrinth Theater Company. It starts previews tonight so his hair was done last week.
Philip Seymour Hoffman's hair looked matted because it was just put in dreadlocks for Jack Goes Boating, a play he is doing in New York for LAByrinth Theater Company. It starts previews tonight so his hair was done last week.