American Idol: Opening the Wrong Doors in San Antonio
San Antonio was the last stop on the American Idol audition tour last night, and LAist is glad that this phase of the show is over – and the cattiness of the Hollywood auditions begins next week. After awhile, all the weirdos start to blend together -- like Bryan who screamed “Rebel Yell” to start the show. Although our ears were blistering, we paid more attention to his ugly camouflage pants and Ryan Seacrest's huge mouth that annunciates every_single_word. (And on another note, why must Cheesecrest throw in his radio line, “You know I love you”? It’s different when he says it to a KIIS-FM listening, gum-chewing teenage girl than a big beefy guy in camouflage.) Though we never thought we’d say this, we’d rather have “Seacrest out” back than a whole season of “You know I love yous.”)
The AI folks were probably getting bored as well because they dedicated a good chunk of the show to filler about contestants exiting through the wrong door. Maybe it was an inside joke, but it didn’t translate well. Exit, stage right...
Other lowlights of the evening included: the shy girl who couldn’t sing, but chastised the judges for being rude because they were laughing at her. Even her mama was pissed and said that Simon needs to go back to France because he’s not American and shouldn’t be judging American Idol. But it was William Green (above) who gave us the biggest chuckle with his s-l-o-w rendition of “Amazing Grace.” He sounded like Shaq would after smoking a big fatty.
This show featured a few more good singers than in previous shows (probably because the freaks weren’t LA, NYC or Seattle quality). Haley Scarnato’s singing was good, but not unique. But she made it to Hollywood because Simon loved her hootchie mama outfit. 16-year-old pop star wannabe Baylie Brown, a country girl with city slicker aspirations, also made it through. She looked out of place on her ranch with her heels and halter tops and even admitted that she was a little scared that the horses would eat her or something. (Kelly Pickler redux, anyone?) Two guys, Akron Watson (William Green's cousin) and Jimmy MacNeal, channeled their inner Sam Cooke and Marvin Gaye to put a little soul into the show. They also made it.
And in an American Idol first, the judges had Ashlyn, a Nina Simone-esqe singer, come back after they had told her no the first time. She made these weird scrunchy faces and bulgy eyes that took away from her singing. We thought she wasn’t that great, but it would have sucked if they called her back and told her “no” again.
Well, that’s the end of the line for this year’s auditions, and we’ll ride this AI train for the rest of the season. Tonight there’s a highlight/lowlight compilation clip show…then off to Tinseltown.