Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. You can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press, or have it sent to you every week by signing up for her newsletter. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
I finally got the guts to go on my first girl-girl date. It started out really well, but then she kept wanting to drag the date out, and when we went back to my place, she didn't want to leave. The date started out on Saturday at noon, and ended on Sunday at 4:45 pm when I finally kicked her out. Are all lezzies like this? Please. She cancelled a date with another girl to continue to be with me on Sunday! And cancelled a trip out of town this weekend, thinking that I will want to spend more time with her...um no thank you. I feel like I've had a year long relationship with this chick, and it's only been two days! How do I drop her without feeling like she'll have a nervous breakdown?
- Desperately Seeking a Nice Way to Dump Her
Dear Nice,
Um, I'm trying to think of something clever to say here, but I just can't. And I'm trying not to be too harsh, but this is such a ridiculous letter. Unless you were handcuffed to the radiator with a rolled-up sock taped in your mouth and a rifle in your ear, I don't understand why you were on such a long date with someone you had no interest in hanging out with. I can see having trouble getting rid of someone for, say, an hour or two, but you let it go on for nearly thirty hours? And now you're trying to blame the entire lesbian population for it?
Since I can't think of anything clever to say, I'm going to point out some of the clever things you said:
but then she kept wanting to drag the date out, and when we went back to my place....
How does one get back to your place without your assistance? And why would you assist if it was a drag?
Please.
Indeed.
She cancelled a date with another girl to continue to be with me on Sunday!
This would have been a good time to tell her you had other plans.
In my old age, nothing bores me more than people with victim complexes. She sounds like a clingy nightmare, but you sound like a wuss. Call her and tell her it was nice meeting her, but you're just not feeling it and don't want to continue to date. Or be her friend (if she's that obsessive, she'll cling to any crumb you toss her). Then don't take any of her phone calls (of which there will be many) or contact her again. If she has a nervous breakdown after only knowing you for thirty hours, that's her, and her therapist's, problem. Here's what you don't do. Don't invite her over so you can spend the weekend not telling her how you don't want to date her, and then blame it on her when she doesn't go away.
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You know, reading this question I couldn't help but get the impression that the letter writer was a hapless individual. "but then she kept wanting to drag the date out, and when we went back to my place...." indeed stuck out as just crying for further explanation. Your response to DSaNWtoD was poignant, and hopefully she read it. Seriously, some people have no idea how innapropriate it is being disingenuous in situations like these, because no one ever points it out to them.