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After days of blaming everyone but himself, Wednesday morning the stingray responsible for the tragic death of the beloved tv personality Steve Irwin finally manned-up and apologized for killing Australia's most lovable bloke.
"To be honest I thought he was just another asshole tourist trying to ride me. How was I supposed to know that he was the freaking Crocodile Hunter?" the stingray said through his publicist Jo Brooks.
"There was one guy in front of me with a camera and Irwin above me. I know I have eyes on the top of my head but all you humans look the same to us - dumb. That could have been Kobe Bryant for all I know, and trust me, if I had wacked him I wouldn't be apologizing today."
The reclusive stingray is being held on a million dollar bond awaiting manslaughter charges in an unnamed Australian prison whose whereabouts are being withheld from the press in fear of retrobution from Irwin's millions of fans.
"I know my life is over, they should just kill me now," he said before breaking down. "Besides, how's a brother supposed to get any tail without... a tail? Just finish me off and get it over with."
The stingray has never had any run-ins with the law and is being represented by Johnnie Conchshell who guarantees to get his client off the hook.
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Bad taste.
Nice pun.
VERY BAD TASTE> HOW ABOUT SOME RESPECT?
Do you really think that this is funny?
This entry isn't worth the database space it occupies.
Tony - I'm geting raked on an Irwin related post over at the Life on the Edge. Apparently he's transcended to sainthood and is untouchable now. My sympathies go out to you.
unbelievable.....most disrespectful
Very distasteful. Wreckless. It's typical of these dis-jointed journalists.
you're pathetic. i hope your parents or your kids or someone you care about dies to give you a little perspective. fuck you.
Making fun of a person's death. That's just horrible, you're a total ass!
Not even funny, not to mention tasteless, But, I am sure you did it for the attention. Congrats on that part.
very bad taste - not even funny
Not funny.
You have got to be one of the most stupid, insensitive, jerks I've ever read copy from. Your apology from the stingray was both insensitive to the family of Iwin, but totally uncalled for. There is absolutely nothing funny about two small children losing their father.
Freakin Idiot!
is that suppose to be funny cause i think not that ingorant the man just died and your joking about a stingray killing him not funny not cool dude.
what a sad, pathetic life you must have. loser.
The posted comments say it all.
No need to pile on but I am piling on anyway.
Disgraceful satire
Wow, this is really funny! Uhh... wait, I mean stupid.
I dont get it. How did he get hit by a car while diving underwater?
Heh.
How much of a moron do you have to be to jot such a thing! Utterly stupid!
GET A LIFE! THIS VERY DISRESPECTFUL!!! THIS WAS NOT FUNNY!! FIND A NEW JOB YOU ASSHOLE! CRICKEY!!! GOD I LOVED STEVE AND THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
somehow, I think your death will be funnier
not funny... why is this even on googlenews first page?
He did go out on a limb to write this, and opens himself to criticism, but I think he was making more fun of the stingray than Steve Irwin. I'm sure we all respect the loss, but some of you need to lighten up a bit. I'm sure Steve would appreciate the humor of a talking stingray, and criticize the rest of you for sulking about over his death, which was how he wanted to go out....with his animals and on camera.
This is great! Could only be funnier if it was making fun of John Ridder.
You are a fucking idiot... Think of his kids. You have no soul.
Steve was living his life to the fullest and died doing what he loved best. I was not surprised, since he was known for his taste for risk-taking, danger and adventure. It is only right that the stingray should apologize for taking such a well-beloved personality from the world. He taught us much.
That freaking funny. Steve died doing what he likes... doing stupid stunts for attention (holding an infant while feeding a croc) Ooooh! such respectful guy. Tony! that's fantastic.
How can you disrespect someone like that? The guy died a day ago! Take your nasty comments somewhere else. Have a little respect for Steve and his family.
Asshole.
Amen to that!
1) It's disrespectful, and
2) It's not even funny.
Back to school with you, apparently you missed lessons in a few subjects.
Tony: a very funny way to mark the sad passing of a good person.
Everyone else: get over yourselves.
I hope you find your way down to Davy Jones locker and a stingray bites you in the ass. You filthy, insensitive, ignorant mother fucker!
poor taste aside, it wasn't even funny.
i don't think anyone is saying he's a saint, but i think the guy's life and work deserve some respect. would you like it if someone poked fun at your death? how do you think your grieving family would feel about that?
While this is in bad taste, that does not necessarily make it bad. Sometimes bad taste is funny or at least has value as satire. I'll withhold my opinion as only I really care what I think. What I find amusing is all those people who take the time to complain that you are a bad soulless person, or wrote this in bad taste or whatever. To all those who complained, I say this, if this person is going to post something in bad taste, what makes you think he'll care what you think about it? All you are doing is encouraging him to post more.
Unimaginative, and not funny. Might be forgivable if it didn't suffer from a total lack of creativity.
...if your going to make fun of someone dying atleast do it in a funny way, this read like a childrens book. LEARN TO BE FUNNY!!
Tony - it is a funny post and don't take no stings from critics.
Not quite my cup of tea, but I'll stand up for your right to experiment with it.
I'm sure that Teri and the kids and the rest of Irwin's family and friends have more important concerns than this board, and I'm sure that everyone's hearts go out to them.
I DID like the fact that you busted on the Stingray, since real men don't pay sixty thousand dollars for a plastic car with no trunk.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....
Too bad some writers give no mercy when it comes to their "craft." You've shown yourself to be truly obtuse and out of touch. What a shameful thing to write, a true waste of words. Idiot.
Tragedy + Time = Comedy
Not enough time in the equation to be comedy yet. Also, it wasn't funny.
With his sense of humor, if Steve Irwin knew about this, he would probably want it to be read at his funeral!
Can't feel sorry about the guy just like I could not feel sorry about Christopher Reeves falling off his high horse and breaking his neck.
See a patern here?
FUNNY! VERY!!! fUk U ALL senSitive Skouba diving, bungee jumpers, nascar wannabes, easy rider azzholes.
I have no taste, tact, or sense of humor... and this somehow irked me.
look man, you could take this down, wait a week or two and repost it when people aren't still sorta ichy about laughing at a tragic case of shit-luck, and probably get a few good laughs.
and besides, there are plenty of other ways of being a jerkoff and attracting attention. you oughta try journalism ... maybe even satirical writing.
this is the second time laist has poked fun at someone's death. i think the last time was when a man was stabbed to death in beverly hills.
this is the last time i will ever read this site. you call yourself a journalist? you are pathetic.
Dude, you're not The Onion. Not even close.
Man, LAist gettin' hated on.
Most of you writing in the comments would probably laugh at this if he posted it a couple months from now. Hypocrates.
it's "hypocrites"
and quite possibly some people would laugh. i think the main point is that it's ill-timed.
and in addition, not even funny.
Now I see why you put a job listing in MetaFilter for volunteer writers. You do realize the crocodiles are gonna get you for this. Chomp.
Not funny, not even good satire. Just dumb. Man, you suck.
How can you make fun of someone who was highly sucessful and had such a good life?
Just because you have a dead end job doesent mean you can degrade highly recognised and respected Celebrities.
Its cretins like you who burden society with useless pointless information and just make web pages based on either nothing, or irelevant information which portrays your idiocy and usefullness in this day and age.
Lets find Steve's families phone number and see how much balls you have reassimilating this so called "joke" to them over the phone, im sure the kids will love this bedtime story.
Your parents must be proud, im sure they will bask
in knowing their son makes fun of dead people.
Just sick and pathetic, get a job earn some money and fill in your obvious mass amount of free time.
I bet you jack asses got upset like this when Princess Di crashed and burned. True this isn't that funny, but you all need to get lives. Next thing you know, you'll be telling me it's wrong to ass rape little boys
All you sensitive whimps!! get a life. your laughters or tears mean nothing to his wife and kids. the guy died happy, all you crying loosers try to have a succesful life as steve did.
you expected steve to play with fire and never get burned? Ha!! then you should die a freakish way so i can laugh my ass at you to.
quote "you all need to get lives"
Only an invilid would post such a ridiculous and innapropriate comment.
My Dad actually knew Steve Irwin and i had met him on numerous occasions at the london Boatshow at Excel exhibition centre, so i can say whatever i like, and i can voice my opinion freely, as i and my father knew him personally.
That phases out and dissintegrates your proposterous "All you sensitive whimps, and ass rape little boys" argument as i actually knew him, and i love your effective use of the english language having to use words like "Ass rape" and "jack asses" to put a point across, showing your inferiority and intelligence level to be at an all time low.
Get Your A-levels, and university degrees then come talk the decent well cultured people of this country who actually have a brain and effectively use it to ascetain happiness in their lives.
I mean how old are you? you probably cant even vote yet, though when you are, it wont do this country and justice, as wrong decisions are bound to be made on the part of the "challenged" people of this country.
and justice = any justice.
Sorry i just have to correct any mistakes i make :)
Will, you should add "invalid," "inappropriate," and "disintegrates" to your list of corrections. I'd also suggest de-capitalizing "Your" in the second-to-last paragraph, removing that comma after "A-levels," adding a hyphen so it's "well-cultured"...
I don't know what is up with all these people. I think that this was funny and had Irwin read this I think he would have too.
so, my favorite part of the comments so far must be the people who call the author insensitive, disrespectful, distasteful, etc..., then proceed to wish his immediate death in likeness and perceive that as comedy. Yes, dear commenters, well played indeed--is it irony or a collection of asshats that just need to see their own hypocrisy?
My favorite part, msa, is when the one guy asked to "think of his children", when ironicaly any time anyone thinks of Steve's kids we think of the time he brought his 1 month old in the crocodile pen during feeding time to show off in front of the stunned crowd. That's forgiveable and this isn't?
As the creater of Dilbert put it best: “I believe death is not a laughing matter, unless the guy who gets killed is in the process of bothering dangerous animals.”
Not cool.
Not in good taste.
LOSERS
Really, I never thought about the guy one way or the other until this week. Your material is simply weak, not funny. And not what we look to Gothamist for.
karma is a bitch Tony...
BAD TASTE. BAD SATIRE!
make like a tree a leaf! u effer!
Terrible.
Why do they have people on the staff here writing up such horrible garbage? I don't see any humor in this write up at all.
Very sickening
Hahahahahaha
A.Crocodile
This is outrageous and disgusting, I hope you get reborn as a stingray. And not the car either, that would be too good for you. I hope you get reborn as the very fish that killed you.
This is brilliant. I particularly loved Will's postings. They made me think. That he is about twelve. And anyone who goes to boatshows is, as we all know, off the Integrity List for life. We have New Labour to thank for that.
"you probably cant even vote yet" also made you sound really firm and full of conviction, rather than squeaky and pathetic. Congrats Bub.
Tony, you know I already think you're a jackass but I have my own reasons for that. Actually, I thought this post was quite imaginative and brought some leverage to a truly tragic death. I think you've put together a novel approach to what has become a four day monotony of endless repetition on the national news networks. Good job, but you're still a jackass.
Loved it Tony and love you - xoxox,
Spot on, my good man
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read, freakin' hilarious!
When the fuck did Steve Irwin become a secular saint? He died the death he'd been courting for decades and if his family is suffering it's because of his own reckless behavior.
Hilarious.
Brilliant, simply brilliant.
someone should hire a hitman to kill u
you are an idiot. if you think that you are funny, then you are deluding yourself
Honestly, I think you're a dumbass. But I have to say, this article, if you can call it that, is well written and well thought out. But think about his family members, and how horrible it would be for them to read this. That said, I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I think the Hateration Bus wasn't supposed to make a stop in Satireville...
You people should just stay on until it reaches Gofuckyourselfton.
F the haters Tony. That was a good one.
At the end of the day all of our opinions and posts will change nothing, as i doubt any alterations will be made except perhaps bad language posts or "flaming"
But its good to know some moral people are still out there, just keep up spamming the board its trivial but amusing :)
self-proclaimed moral people encouraging others to spam a web site over a post about a talking car?
"amusing" is one way to describe it, will.
What is there to respect? I mean seriously. The guy played with dangerous animals and finally got it. I do not respect his methods or his approach. He thought wrongly that he was better than the animals he tormented. The only thing left to respect is the notion that other people learned from his mistakes and insane brushes with death. Don't flirt with death and expect to come out on top.
All you guys who have say, "think of the kids" are rankin on this dood for the wrong reasons. Yes, this is in very bad taste but don't you think Steve Irwin should have thought of his kids before undertaking such a ridiculously unnecessary career? I mean the argument can be made that a police officer or a fireman has a dangerous career but a crocodile hunter? Irwin was an idiot, may he rest in peace. I mean he didn't get have the publicity he should have when he ran through a crocodile pit with one of those children of which you think we should all be mindful.
Man, that was in bad taste....and damned funny!
He wasn't a CROCODILE HUNTER. He was a conservationist. THAT was his job. And it's a necessary job. And I believe he was thinking of the future of his kids when he got involved in Conservation. And yes now that he's dead let's go on and on about what he did with his baby, which is exactly how HIS father taught him. And this was in bad taste simply because, apparently, whoever runs this site believes that 4 days is long enough to make fun of someone's death. He also wasnt "flirting with death" when he died - he swam OVER THE TOP of a Sting Ray that he didn't realise was there.
That was hilarious. Wait, let me restate that. The outpouring of false emotion and anger over the death of someone the commenters didn't know apart from his celebrity was hilarious.
For the first released video of Steve Irwins's death, head over to www.cruel.com . Ask for horseonovich.
You shut your hole, Raoul.
Steve Irwin was a great man. Nay, not a man but a GOD among men. After discovering the cure for cancer at the age of 5, he went on to end world hunger, create world peace, preserve our planet's ecosystem.
Wait, I'm sorry - I just scrolled up and realised that you all are talking about that man who made his living taunting animals on television. A man who at one point took his own infant son in his one hand and fed a crocodile with the other. A man who put his life in danger because his love of attention was greater than his love for the people who loved him.
Yeah, I'm glad he's dead.
Care to tell me how you feel? Come to Cruel.Com and ask for me!
Jaidtree, you r an idiut.
Steve Irwin not only lovd his famly, but loved his fans like Jesus Lord and Savior loved all is children (thats us, hethen). Its not only wrong and disgusting to make fun of someones death, its ANTICHRISTIAN and garuntees you a plce in Hell.
Enjoy your eternity of touture.
I for one, am heading over to this nest of sick twits at cruel to show them right. Who's with me?
Not many.
Emilystrange (what an apropriate name), you sound like a true Jerry Falwell. Since when are people sentenced to hell under your authority?
I think that the Crocodile Hunter would be laughing himself if he saw this! I just wished that you had waited a couple of weeks before posting it.
I think its hilarious how many of the people here "rejoicing" in Steve's death hide behind the childish facade of "He had it coming!" and "Im glad he's dead!" Wow, how the tables would turn if say, your MOTHER died and everyone said "Holy shit, glad that moron's gone!".
Steve was not a certified "Crocodile Hunter", I thought it would have been obvious this was simply a title the media had given him? Dumbasses, work it out.
This dickhead only wants to stir people up. And look, he even has a few buddy's patting him on the back for the sheer "talent" of what, being abused on the INTERNET? We sure are proud o'ya, son!
Yeah, Steve made a few mistakes. But he did a hell of a lot of good for this world and for the sake of wildlife. Even though you obviously didnt like the guy, a little respect wouldnt go astray.
And Tony - the state looks down on sodomy =)
You are a fucking cunt. Poor form.
you waited a month and a half to call me that Matt? what were you in jail or something, or is dial-up that shitty in your mommas attic?
happy bday to steves kids dont go to any beaches in australia
and this topic isnt funny its freikin hillarious
nikka
Hey that was fuckin' hillarious!
Thanks for the laugh and screw these self-righteous assholes.
Stunaz
The only thing funny about this article is how much it failed.
if you call 100 comments a failure you dont know much about blogging.
no wonder you dont put your name on shit.
When over half of the comments are telling you how much of a loser you are, and the majority of the rest of the comments are about how funny THOSE comments are, yes, the article is a failure. And as far as my name goes, I wouldn't want it associated with anything as idiotic as this.
and yet you keep coming back...
again, you know zero about blogging.
thanks, come again
I see, so your reasoning is that as long as you get comments about it, you must be doing well. Lol, well here's one more for ya then. Great job buddy! You're doin' great! If a hundred more people comment about your stupidity, they just might give you a raise!!!
what you don't realize, #106, is that your exactly right!
Well then here's an extra comment for those lovely set of steak knives he must be lusting after. Think they'll throw in the BBQ set as well?