Eye Nosh: Is This the Best Pastrami in America?
Zenyatta Makes "Her"Story
Pixies 'Doolittle' @ The Palladium 11/4/09
-thumb-110x110-455795.jpg)
Build Your Own BBQ for Under 10 Bucks!
The Bravery @ the Wiltern 11/05/09
Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually curious. You can see her column in print, too, in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
How do you get over a broken heart? About four months ago, my boyfriend of over six years and I called it quits. While it was somewhat mutual, I can't say it was what I really wanted.
I'm generally OK unless he's "around." A phone call or e-mail
gets me upset, and a recent visit has had me crying for days. I know we can't try to fix things. Still, I'm having a hard time moving on. I have a new job, great friends and have been dating (and having sex) like crazy. Yet none of it gets this man out of my mind. I miss him all the time, and worry I
still love him. Please tell me it gets better.
-Still Hurting
Dear Hurting,
I was heating up some leftover lasagna the other day, put it in the microwave for a minute or so, and it was still cold, so I punched in another minute and Jesus Christ it still wasn't hot enough, and I had to wait a whole fifty-five seconds more before it finally got it together and some cheese started melting around here. It's an old microwave, and I swore right then and there that I was going to get a new one because this was ridiculous.
But then, people, we all know who the ridiculous one really is, now don't we?
It's so easy to lose perspective in this jiffy lubed world of ours, where if the stupid page doesn't download in less than ten seconds, we log off in a huff. You were with this guy for six years, and now, a mere four months into your break-up, you're wondering when the torture will stop? Oh dear - look what we've done to ourselves.
Here's the thing. Regardless of how speedy speed dial gets, the body remains unaffected. And unimpressed. It will always take nine months to make a baby, years to recover from emotional trauma and a near lifetime to grow out a bad haircut.
If you say you're OK unless he contacts you then....tell him to stop contacting you. This whole "let's still be friends" trip is a giant, steaming, fly-ridden pile of wishful thinking. All it does is pick at the already slow-healing scab, and prolong your pain. Erase him from your cellphone, delete him from your Myspace page, keep on fuckin' and someday, when your heart is done lollygagging its way down Woe Is Me Road, you'll feel better. I promise.
add to stumble upon
add to reddit
tweet this
post to facebook
Dear Hurting,
Cobb's Rule #2
There is Marriage, and there is everything else.
Or more to the point, there's a reason why human beings do Marriage and have for thousands of years. It's an evolved, complex, civilizing human behavior, like wearing clothing, telling the truth and putting the toilet seat down. You don't have to do it, but you'll inevitably feel the pain of trying your own unique alternatives.
Did I say evolved? Perhaps I should say 'evolving'. Because there's no question that marriage in the 21st century is superior to marriage of the 18th century.
The basic, fundamental, no-holds barred rule of marriage is this: You are committed to the marriage more than you are committed to yourself, and you stand up in front of everybody you love and respect and say so.
If you can't do that, for whatever reason, it's like.. i don't know.. having a part-time job. You can't complain if you don't have enough gas money or party money on a part-time job. That's what you expect. So it might be harsh, but I look at everyone who's not married as someone with lower expectations. That's why I come out of my hidey hole to talk smack. Just to point out the contradiction now that you just got fired from your part-time job.
The only way to get married is to jump off the cliff in a leap of faith. It's no more emotionally difficult than moving in with somebody. In fact, it's easier because you don't have to worry or plan for an exit strategy. It's got that element of simplicity working for it. The complex part of marriage is what to do when you change and your spouse changes. That's really the only challenge.
So ask yourself this question - because it's a question your going to have to deal with whether or not you get married. How am I going to find love if X happens to me? X being: I gain 50 pounds, I change my religion, I move to Detroit, my parents die, I pierce my lip, I win the lottery, my car explodes, my phone gets cut off... whatever. If you think that you'll be the same person and you still need love, then all you have to do is find somebody else who thinks the same way and marry them. The love will be there. So long as you know how to love, you know you'll stay alive.
The question is whether or not you'll be satisfied with part-time.