Bloc Party Contest Winner

by Jennifer

I love my block.
There are no hipsters on my block.
The closest thing that we have to a hipster is an 80-year-old homeless
Korean woman who wears electric blue leggings with striped ankle socks
and those cheap plastic jelly shoes.
I live on the corner of 8th and Gramercy in an old converted hotel building.
Every apartment in the building has a built in wall safe.
I knew it would be a great place to hide all of my drugs, and then I
found out from the stupid landlord that they didn't have the
combinations to the safe's anymore.
The building manager is some dude who is trying to start a business
making coffee tables that have fire hydrants for legs.
I've never seen him with shoes on.
I call him Senor Blackfoot.
Don't worry he is not Hispanic, Latino, or Chicano, ergo I am not a racist.
There is an elementary school a few blocks over.
It is so awesome to see little oriental kids run to school with one
hand wrapped around a peanut butter sandwich and the other hand lodged
deeply in their nose.
My block is pretty ghetto.
Some dude in a van asked me if I would help him carry his nasty red
IKEA couch up two flights of stairs.
I was wearing 4.5" heels that day and I wondered if he was crazy.
Didn't he see Silence of the Lambs?
He lives next door to me.
I smoked him up some random night and then we got into an argument
when he called me a racist.
I asked him if his eyes weren't made a little too slanty because it
was obstructing the obvious view that I was Asian just like his
retarded ass was.
I hate that guy.