Living in Sin - "What's up with Online Dating?"
Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually curious. You can see her column in print, too, in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
I'm a writer who's been living in LA for three years now. I am very
happy with my professional life, which is consumed by writing, but I
haven't developed any kind of social life. When I was with my wife we
had many friends, but now I have very few, and haven't had a single
date in over five years.
I would like to know if it really is possible to meet women through
online dating. Could you give me some advice as to how to go about
doing this? I would like to have sex, romance, or even marriage in my
life again.
- Shut In
Dear Shut In,
As a fellow writer, I have three words of advice: Leave. The. House.
It's not easy, and can be kind of scary because there are people out
there and what if you need to suddenly take a nap or eat a bowl of
cereal, but you need to get out. I get so ensconced in the cave that
my mailman is sometimes the only person I see for several days in a
row. He's taken to tossing my mail in the general direction of my
mailbox, and darting off behind the bushes for fear I'll see him and
trap him in a conversation about anything I can think of and don't you
maybe want to come in for a nice piece of toast?
Writing = ass + chair + solitude. Life = getting off your ass +
engaging in the world + having normal conversations with people other
than just those who have to talk to you because they're in the service
industry. These are opposite states of being. To bring them together
takes effort. I spent nearly a month alone writing my novel, and when
a worried friend insisted I hose myself off and come to a party she was
having, I was unable to interact properly. It was hard to form words
with my lips, and the sound of my voice freaked me out. Her friends
treated me cordially, but looked at me like I might bite them at any
moment. I'm not kidding.
Online dating is good and has worked for many people, but it can also
be another way to spend more time alone in front of the computer. If
you do decide to do it, promise me that you won't wile away the days
flipping through pictures of cute girls, sending a wink here and there,
and never getting up the cajones to call anyone. I recommend one email
back and forth, then a phone call, and then get ye to the coffee shop.
Also, be very honest in your profile and put up a picture that looks
like you. Go to nerve.com or match.com and they'll explain the
process. Happy hunting!
photo by mariona via Buzznet