Here Comes the Judge

There's a sex-scandal case going on in Oklahoma which makes LA look tame. A Federal judge allegedly used a penis pump on himself while on the bench during a trial. And yes, that's illegal, and best of all, funny.

Over the past few days, the jurors have watched a defense attorney and a prosecutor pantomime masturbation. A doctor has lectured on the lengths the defendant was willing to go to enhance his sexual performance.

The white-handled sexual device sits before the jury box for hours at a time. Occasionally an attorney picks it up and squeezes the handle, demonstrating the "sh-sh" sound of air rushing through the contraption's plastic tubing.

The jurors sometimes exchange awkward looks and break into nervous laughter when the testimony takes a lurid turn.

The headlines, meanwhile, couldn't be funnier:

Penis pump judge faces stiff sentence - The Register (UK)

A judge, a penis pump and a trial - Knox News

And how about this for a great lede: "A veteran court reporter said Monday she was 'shocked and disgusted' when she saw former judge Donald Thompson shaving his scrotum during the 2002 trial of a woman accused of murdering her 21-month-old baby." (KTEN)

So, yes, rest of the country, your judges are freakier than ours. Nice job.