Whereforeart Thou, Gmail?

OK, we can't take it any more. Gmail has been alternating between the message above and "cross your fingers" since 7am. We know, the compulsive e-mail checking is a disease, but Google, we need our fix! What's up, guys? You can take on Microsoft and Yahoo but you can't keep the Gmail servers up? Wait, maybe you're punishing us. This denial of service is the wrath of a vengeful Google God, angry at us for calling Yahoo's offices glitzy.

We're sorry, Google. Please give us the Gmail. Without it, we're as messed up as Leif Garrett in Pershing Square.