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BONUS! UPDATE EDITION! Updates are in bold for those with little time, or poor eyesight.
Or maybe "Ex-LAX", or "LAX is their service motto", or "insert witty LAX subject line here." Alternatively, "Here is Your Hard-Hitting, Jounalistic, CNN Level of Research Story About What Makes LAX Suck. With In-Depth Reporting, Footnotes, Bibliographies, Pie Charts, Links To Other Blogs, Hotlinks Galore, and The Use of BOLD Fonts For Extra Emphasis!"
Granted, Los Angeles has one of the ugliest airports in the United States. Possibly even the world. Plus if you've ever been to an airport like DFW or JFK, it's hard to believe how small LAX is. Basically just a big "U" that you drive in and out of, although that's never really easy either, what with shuttle buses and taxis screaming by at Mach 1 speeds on the left, and on the right. They sure didn't drive like this in Hicksville. In fact, the only car in town was operated by Mr. Olsen, the town constable, and he never drove it over 35, even on a hot day.
This is also the first thing people see when they fly into the city for the first time, unless they've been smart and chose to fly into Santa Ana or Burbank. Give us those airports any day over the souless , THX-1138 world of LAX. In fact, on a list of airports to be stranded in, LAX has to be near the bottom of the list, topped by other more appealing places like Denver's massive mall-like airport, the sprawl of BBQ, bookstores, and gift shops that is DFW, the tram-riding funtacular experience of IAH in Houston, or even the Muncie, Indiana municipal airport.
They've tried to make the airport a bit more appealing over the years, starting with the revamp of the "Encounter" restaurant/bar (the big spidery looking thing in the middle of LAX that reminds you of an evil overlord's lair in a James Bond movie, which has been there since the airport opened. Scholars maintain that the original purpose of the building has been lost.), and of course the new LAX sign and those pole light thingamabobs. But the problem is that neither of those did anything to the interior of the place. Do you ever call up your friends and say "Hey gang! Let's go have dinner at Encounter!" Neither do we. Apparently, there is a "Master Plan" to bring LAX into the present day, and beyond, but it's been in the works for umpteen years, has a price tag of (currently) 9 billion dollars, and will, judging by the imagery on the LAX Master Plan site, bring LAX into a Shag-like 50s retro existence with whooshing shuttles, giant skylights, and a sharp style of fashion. The airport hasn't been updated since 1956, so the redesign should put the place right back into that timeframe.
LAX is just not an attractive airport. This is based on personal observation, and no scientific tools (like calipers), nor studying of architectural plans were used during this assessment. LAist carefully looked at LAX from several angles, and then, after seeing other more attractive airports, deemed it ugly. We are available for local beauty pageant judging, art show critiquing, and yes, we'll read your screenplay.
Additionally, the place is just DEAD after 10pm. On a recent trip, LAist waited patiently for their 2 1/2 hour delayed flight to board, and we noticed that every single business nearby was shuttered up, locked tight, and closed down. This while at least 300+ passengers were wandering the hallways in search of something to cut the boredom. Ever the bar was closed. And in a shocking turn of events we were booted out of the airport Starbucks so they could close down and lock up. There have been many times when we have come through LA in the evenings, although we're not talking 1 AM here, and everything is locked up. Do these people only sell things from 12 PM to 3 PM?
The worst thing about it is that, given the fact that LAX is in, well, Los Angeles, they had to go and make a television show about it. About the airport. The non-stop action adventure lifestyle of intrigue and espionage that is...the airport. Which was apparently cancelled 9 months ago. LAist was sad to learn this fact, because we really wanted to watch it. We need to keep up on the Heather Locklear career-reporting section of this site a lot better. According to the NBC website, this show "explores the behind-the-scenes dramas and conflicts of both travelers and staff transpiring daily at the bustling Los Angeles International Airport. We've never seen this but BOY does it sound exciting! LONG lines at the metal detector! SUSPICIOUS BAG left near a bathroom entrance! PEOPLE buying See's Candies for loved ones! GRIPPING gate change announcements! Why wasn't this made into a drama earlier? Maybe they had to wait for Heather Locklear to become available.
We can't wait for what's next. Our money is on "SAN PEDRO - detailing the hustle and bustle that makes up one of the busiest ports on the west coast." You heard it here first. Look for our next post about how ugly that place is too.
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For my money, it's all about being stranded at Honolulu International. The outdoor gardens and open-air walkways make it the least annoying place to be trapped while waiting for a flight. And, though it does tend to be sprawling, I do like Sky Harbor, though I wouldn't want to be trapped in Phoenix heat for much longer than an hour.
Listen, I know laist isn't exactly the NY Times, but ever bother to do the slightest bit of research on the subject? It seems like you just stepped off the bus into town from Hicksville, so maybe you weren't aware of the major, multi-billion dollar plan to modernize LAX. It's kinda a big thing - dozens and dozens of public meetings, big EIR's, political kickbacks - it's been going on for so long, it's now on it's 3rd mayor. Seriously, you might be really interested in looking into this remodeling - they're planning on changing everything and even adding the people movers you seem to have a jones for. You can see it at http://www.laxmasterplan.org/ I found it by using this thing called "Google."
Oh, btw, don't stay up too late trying to figure out how to Tivo the TV series "LAX". It was just cancelled - like, 9 months ago. Guess they didn't get NBC in Hicksville.
I'm with Scott. You don't know jack about LAX if you can write a piece like that without mentioning the expansion plan, the Theme Building, the lighted columns, etc. It is also the fifth busiest passenger airport, and ranks sixth in cargo tonnage -- so it's a far cry from dinky. Lastly, it probably says something about the author that you can be in Los Angeles (surrounded by beaches, history, Hollywood, mountains, etc) and want to hang out at the airport.
Or perhaps, Garrison, you could bother reading the post and seeing that I did mention both the lame Theme Building, and the ridiculous lighted columns.
And Scott, perhaps when you're done sneering at your own pretention, you could notice the fact that the airport just plain sucks. Master plan or not, it isn't affecting what it looks like right now. I travel in and out of LAX frequently, and it's the crappiest airport I've ever been to. Why would I need to do research when I noticed first-hand how crappy the place is? Seems to me I did my research in person. Thanks for the sarcasm though, hope that's working out well for you.
Your point wasn't very clear, was your complaint that LAX is lax on service? Because the bar and Starbucks was closed after 10pm? Funny, whenever I fly into O'Hare, Cincinnati, SFX, DFW, or Denver - there's nothing open late either. They must suck too, if you're using that criteria. Tell me, do those other airports have a Gordon Biersch Brewery, three California Pizza Kitchens, two Cinnabons, one Daily Grill, two Jody Maroni's, a Karl Strauss Microbrewery, four Burger Kings, four McDonald's, two Wolfgang Pucks, one Sushi Boy, one Ruby's, two Java Javas, one El Cholo and eight Starbucks?
So you think LAX is ugly and small? Ugly is highly subjective so I'll let that one go. But would you rather have a behemoth terminal that is cavernous, confusing, and difficult to navigate as DFW? This small, easily navigable and well laid out airport is the #1 international gateway to Asia with approximately 90 passenger and cargo airlines. As Garrison has already noted, it is the fifth busiest passenger airport in the world and ranks sixth in air cargo tonnage. I've never had a problem getting in and out of the "U" and I drive LAX a lot. You must not have mastered changing lines while in an oval, but keep trying, you'll get it with hard work and perseverance. But what is it about Burbank and John Wayne airport that exudes soul while LAX does not? That's such a ridiculous statement - besides HKG, Orly, or the Maldives, name one soulful airport.
As a matter of fact, yes, more than one person in my large circle of friends has called up suggesting dinner at Encounter. It isn't a recent addition, since the Theme Restaurant had been there since 1961, Encounter has been there since 1997, and the scenesters have already come and gone. We've had good drunken meals that went well into the night - and actually made friends with other diners waiting for connecting flights. Of the 30+ airports I've been through, that's the first and only time that's happened. Not bad for a soulless airport restaurant.
Is that really the worst thing about it, that they made a television show about it? That's the worst thing? If you're going to poke fun at stupid premises for an hour-long drama set at LAX, you might want to check out some of the loglines for past shows. That way you don't have to show us how woefully inadequate your imagination and comedic skills are with made-up storylines. But then again your first sentence asking readers to "insert witty LAX subject line here" already showed that.
Scott's sarcasm was definitely on point and it worked out better for him than your lazy writing. Research in person? Research is a seeking of knowledge, data, or the truth about something - you just declared or stated an opinion with no support or attempt at proof.
Celia,
I think you're misunderstanding the post, and possibly the site entirely. Yes, it's an opinion (obviously). And yes, my research is my own observation. I think you'd be extremely hard pressed to go out on the street and find 5 people who have eaten or even set foot in "Encounter". It's just plain wasted space. And I don't care how busy the airport is, it's ugly. Pure and simple. DFW at least has character, hell even Denver and Houston have character in their airports. DFW is like a 70s era schoolhouse that fell way behind on their budget for cleaning and upkeep. And I've been through plenty of airports that have places open late. LAX manages to close earlier and earlier each time I fly through there. It doesn't matter how many "named" eateries a place has if they all close at 3pm on a Friday evening. My point is that LAX is lax on everything. And man, you really took me to task on my "made-up storylines". You're right, I really should spend several hours browsing the LAX website at NBC (which is still active, by the way, god knows why), and looking for storylines. Maybe there's a book written all about LAX that I could pick up and read at bedtime. I'll check Amazon if I could just figure out this whole "internet" thing.
OK, now I understand your post. So I'll expect your next uninformed rant to be about how ugly you find the freeways, the mountains, the ocean -- or other things that aren't likely to change because they don't meet the aesthetic requirements of you or anyone else. DFW? Really, DFW?
It seems that a couple of you have some pretty strong feelings about our big shiny airport - so much so that you go right for the below the belt shot at the mere mention that it may be ugly. Such rage at disrespect for LAX? That is some real love. However I would think you could do better than using terms like "hicksville" if you are going to insult people's intelligence. I mean "hicksville"? What a burn. This is an opinion piece and in MY opinion you should keep your insults to a minimum before you bark about facts.
PS I go to LAX a lot and I thought the post was funny. Man, what a hick.
Garrison,
Thanks for the love. And I'll likewise expect your next uninformed comment to show how you didn't even read the article before you commented. We can continue this reciprocal arrangement for as long as it suits us!
You think I missed the point of the post, and that Garrison missed it too unless he just didn't bother to read the post as you suggested. Did Scott miss the point too? Anybody else miss that point? Maybe you didn't make your point clear. Are you really going to blame the readers for your inability to communicate effectively? I scrunched up my face, thought really hard, and was able to gather that it was an opinion, but you wrote that you did research in person. So which is it research, or opinion without support or attempt at proof? When criticizing architecture, like any other form of art, it requires analyzing, classifying, interpreting, or evaluating. Where did you do any of that? What is your criteria for stating, "...the fact that the airport just plain sucks"? That isn't a fact, it's an opinion, again, without support or attempt at proof. Tell me about what constitutes character in an airport because you haven't cited any examples of what adds character in those other airports, what detracts from the overall aesthetic, or what style of architecture and why it failed so miserably - just that LAX sucks. I didn't get the point of the post? Physician, heal thyself.
I read other posts from LAist writers and they have been really good at supporting their opinions with something other than declarative statements that are highly subjective in nature. I think Jason, Adrienne, Marleigh and others have shown wonderful examples of, you know, stating an opinion then supporting that declarative statement. If you think it ugly, why is that? Is it not a good example of that style of architecture? Is that entire style not to your liking? What about that aesthetic isn't pleasing to you? Tell us how that compares to the architecture of DFW or any other airport. But to say it's one of the ugliest things and not give reasons why - that just undercuts your credibility. If you're okay with that then opine away and I'll be sure to dismiss anything with your byline and I don't think I'd be alone in that.
As is evidenced by your post, there is a huge difference between spending hours on the LAX website at NBC and conducting cursory "research". Methinks you doth protest too much when I and others find fault with a post that is lacking in intellectual depth or thoroughness.
Celia,
Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful comments! Opinions are based on personal observation, which constituted my "research". Next time I'll don a lab coat and use a clipboard when I go out, so I can satisfy your definition of the word. And if you're coming here looking for intellectual depth in your day, I really do pity you. Maybe you can find some in those shirtless Christian Bale pictures that make your spirits rise.
Love, your pal
Kev
Let's cut Kevin some slack guys. It is very true that LAX is ugly. Places do close down super early for it being such a busy airport. Also Scott, these renovations at LAX as you said have been planned for SO long (it's on its 3rd mayor for God's Sake)and nothing has come of it yet therefore it is pretty rinky dinky now. After the remodeling it's supposed to be great!I'll believe it when I see it. Kevin is commenting on LAX now, now LAX of the future. Plus why would he need to do research on something you can plainly see when you walk into the place. I would much rather comment on what I see than "do" research. I agree with Kevin and plus I think it is a funny, well -written article.
Yeah, I skimmed it, but I think I saw enough to form a legitimate opinion. You know, kind of like Kevin did.
We should thank Kevin for drawing attention to "LAX" the series, if nothing else. Priceless stuff. I never saw the show, but I always wondered how they green-lighted a show that portrayed our local airport as being in constant danger from terrorists, drug dealers and violent crime in general. Great timing for a show like that. Just the kind of thing to make one wax sentimental about the Dallas/Fort Worth airport.
Garrison,
You are in Los Angeles, you have to be very careful with comments like that because someone may greenlight "DFW" tomorrow after reading your comment. They could bring in the Ewings and make it a tv-movie-reunion-new show launching.
THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN, PEOPLE!
The heat is making them cranky I think.
You seem to imply that Encounter is new or even new-ish. It's not, it's pretty old (well, old by LA standards) though it has gone through at least one, probably more, name change.
It's also a highly regarded bit of Angeleno architecture.
I find it more than a bit amusing that very valid comments about the conflation of research and what basically amounts to first-impression-that's-my-story-and-I'm-sticking-to-it opinion are met with Shakespearean levels of protestation.
Dude, you got served for not including relevant, current facts. Just deal with it, update the post, add some links to the master plan an the intrigue surrounding it, and move on.
CD,
You're right. I feel pretty bad. I reworked the entire story with a lot of research, links, and additions. Thanks for pointing those things out. I thank the community for embracing me and helping me to get these things right.
this page is just too damn funny. remind me to stay on celia's good side and never post-post-haste. haha. post-post-haste...get it...
for the record I lived in Dallas nine years. DFW has no soul. It merely has BBQ which can be mistaken for soul if you are in texas too long. LAX has built-in soul simply for being in LA. Give me LAX any day of the week and be glad just to be out here.
Yes, LAX is a bit ugly. But I still like it. I have to fly in and out of a lot of airports (Mostly LAX, SFO, Sea-Tac and Sky Harbor) for work, and while LAX definitely has its problems, it has its good points. Chief among them, for me at least, is the Wolfgang Puck Cafes. Those places are the best airport food I've had.
And, I happen to love the columns. You might find them 'ridiculous' but they have grown on me and I think they do a good job of giving the area some personality-- there's definitely nothing like them at any other airport I've been to!
In final analysis, LAX may not be that good looking, but it is relatively easy to use. The author of this post seems awfully defensive about his perfectly reasonable observations-- is that because this is one of the only posts to get comments on this site? Just because a few people disagree with you doesn't mean you have to freak out.
I second Ryan on that, I lived in Dallas for years too and DFW flat out bites.
DFW is angered by your comments and will CRUSH you. It's massive size alone gives it bonus coolness points.
Although I agree about Dallas having no soul. Now AUSTIN, on the other hand, where I spent my formative years (we call it Hicksville) has a ton of soul and character to boot.
I can't believe there are people actually defending LAX on any level.
(I do, however, believe that there are people in LA with absolutely no sense of humor. Evidence above.)