LAist Watches: I Married A Princess

We're glad Lifetime has moved its reality series, "I Married A Princess," starring actors Casper "Stormship Troopers" Van Dien and Catherine "Dynasty" Oxenberg, to 11 PM as the show has a sophoric effect that's the perfect companion at bedtime. It's sweet, slightly dizzy and captures the tedium of raising small children out in Malibu.

A soft-rock theme song declares the show's whispy premise. "I'm a Hollywood dad who can honestly say, I married a princess," is the catchy refrain.

While the show promises a glimpse into Catherine's royal heritage, Casper dominates the show with his Major Dad-like intensity. He runs a tight ship -- barking orders at his blended family of 5, cuddling his toddlers, helping his son cope with a bipolar disorder... Catherine's main mode of discipline is asking a bad child if they are being a "stinky face."

Indeed, perhaps it's mentioned in the first episode which we haven't seen yet, the the series rarely acknowledges that the Van Dien kids are also Hollywood royalty since their mother is Carrie Mitchum, a granddaughter of the legendary Robert Mitchum.

The Oxenberg-Van Dien clan try to soft-pedal their quirkiness but edge pops out at you in surprising bits.

As the couple ride in the back of a limo with Catherine's visiting mother, Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslovia, they have the following exchange:

When Casper pulls at Catherine's dress, she says "You keep pulling my dress off!"

He responds "Why do you think we have so many children?"

She says, "Not anymore. Snip. Snip." mimicking the blades of scissors with her hands.

Wonder whose tubes got tied...

We also wonder what the folks in the Midwest make of these Malibu-ites as they dash around in Uggs on errands like picking up their teenager at school in the limo, just to embarass her, organizing charity parties on their lawn overlooking the sea, or packing the kids up to visit the Hindu spiritual leader Mata Amritanandamayi, known as 'Amma,' further up the coast.

To us, it's a familiar SoCal sight, even a welcome one. The Van Dien's children are adorable, relatively well-behaved, articulate and consistently exhibit compassion and common sense. When Cappy, the bipolar son, leaves the family to enter a facility for his illness, his step sister, India, suggests during a family meeting that they all pray for him. Each sibling and step sibling then declares a gentle intention for their brother. Who knew the spirit of the Von Trapp Family continues off PCH?

Virtues that probably won't be on display in Britney Spears' reality series "Chaotic," debuting tonight. We hope parents-to-be Kevin and Brit take time out of their busy schedule to check out "I Married A Princess" so that they can learn some tips on successful parenting.