The Intolerables: The Spatially Challenged Parker
We're sure there's a special ring of hell specially reserved for Angelenos and their crazy-making ways. In fact, we're certain there is. We're so sure that we're launching a new semi-regular feature called "The Intolerables" that reimagines these folks as mythic super villains, worthy adversary of any superhero, who are destined to populate Hades and every other mythic universe.
Today, we're inspired by those folks who just cannot share. We're sure they were intolerable toddlers and have never grasped the concept that they live in a world populated by other people.
For example, look at this photo of a car parked at the Library Tower underground parking lot by a person who clearly never had siblings.
This person parks as if he's still an only child in a 10 bedroom house. Notice his inability to park within the lines of the parking stalls.
It reminds us of another spatially challenged Angeleno we observed on Wednesday in the Whole Foods parking lot at Fairfax and Third. Some wigger pilots his fly black and white Cadillac seville into a parking spot. No problem, except that home boy proceeds to overshoot his mark and parks his boat so that it takes up 1/3 of the parking spot in front of him, leaving some hapless mother of 6 who lives on south Fairfax with even less space to park in. For shame!
We imagine a special sort of limbo for this individual where he or she, subject to an incredible urge to urinate and in a hurry to park and pee, is forced to drive round and round a parking lot with plenty of spaces; however, these spaces are semi-filled by badly parked cars.
If we were to create an action figure for this type of LA idiot, we'd imagine him as a one-eyed wigger like Gary Oldman in "True Romance." We'd name him Nimrod Parker, outfitted in a white fur coat and cane.
He's all flash and no insight.