When There's Nothing To See At The Movies

LAist is feeling a little bit depressed at the current selection of new films playing at the local cineplex. We're just feeling a little bit taken advantage of, and you're about to read why.

We remember 1976. Do you? Do you remember a movie called John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13? Do you remember anything so amazing that it was worth remaking the same exact movie about twenty-eight years later? Do you have any idea why people like Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne would star in such a thing? And why the Director of Training Day would jump aboard as well? We can't imagine there's that much Carpenter-love to go around. Well, not from us, there ain't.

Of course, if hoodlums and criminals and hard-core action and language aren't your game...why not slap down some cold hard cash for a movie starring an ex-criminal, ex-hard core rapper, ex-bad language user? While LAist may have gone to see a gritty film starring Cube, we sure can't stomach a family-friendly film such as this -- putting the "Ice" in the typically-Chevy Chase role of suburban dad on a trip from hell.

Of course, you could always see a movie with a talking zebra who wants to be a race horse, and a bunch of talking flies and other animals voiced by such groundbreaking talent as Frankie Muniz and David Spade. Or, you know, you could give up on such new releases and go back to the stuff that really matters.

And that, of course, is where LAist steps back into the ring. Such movies as Finding Neverland, Million Dollar Baby, The Aviator, Hotel Rwanda, Kinsey, Ray. and yes (gasp!) even Sideways should usurp any of the above previously mentioned films. Seriously, do yourselves a favor and go see something you won't be mad at for sucking two hours of your life away for no reason.

We know we will.