We're Not That Fat, but We Wouldn't Mind Looking Better

LAist’s favorite time of year is here…and no, it’s not our birthday. But it’s that time when Men’s Fitness Magazine gives us all the gift that keeps on giving: their annual "Top 25 Fattest and Fittest Cities" issue.

As an avid historian, LAist is happy to report that we Angelenos, for the third straight year, did not make the Fattest rankings at all. However, we struggled a bit on the fitness side, barely sneaking in on the scale at a disappointing #25. Of more pressing concern to LAist is that 7 other California cities were deemed more fit than our glorious hometown: San Francisco, Sacramento, San Diego, Fresno, Oakland, San Jose and Long Beach. OK—San Francisco and San Diego we can understand. But Fresno? Oakland? They can’t be serious. Have they ever been to a Raider game in that city? Makes you wonder if they even have a gym in that town.

Nevertheless, LAist sincerely hopes that our lowest ranking in 3 years will be the catalyst this town needs to get up off its collective ass and start running. We mean really…this is the only place in the country where bulimia and anorexia are celebrated. Clearly, we’ve got our work cut out for us if we intend to catch up to Honolulu, the Fittest City in the country for a second year running according to the good folks at Men’s Fitness.

We can, however, take solace in the fact that we are most certainly not Detroit, ranked in the top spot for Fattest City, narrowly edging out the very hungry people of Houston who were aiming for an unprecedented third straight year of unrivaled gluttony.

To all Detroitians, we say “Let them eat cake!” And to our fellow Angelenos, we offer up a hearty “Ladies and Gentlemen, put down your spoons!”

Oddsmakers have Houstonians at 2-1 to regain the Fattest crown next year. Richard Simmons would be so proud.